So.. This might be a weird story, but here we go:

My life isn't that bad. Actually, most people would probably want my life. I'm 20, done with school and starting my career as app developer. Also, I've got a group of friends of about 12 people who I hang with every day, it's like a better version of family. The problem? I cannot seem to find a reason to keep living.

I know it sounds absurd and this is why I feel I can't really bother anyone with this.. I just can't see why I would work 40 hours a week, for 4 hours of spare time a day to enjoy that money (weekends excluded here ofc). I'd be doing something I don't want to be doing 60% of my time awake. At least. Why do people do this? For what reason do you feel the drive to live? What is that joy in life that gets you through it?

To me, it all seems utterly senseless. Maybe that's because I'm someone who lacks compassion and ambitions, I don't know, but I want to understand. Why? Why do people put themselves through the wringer? What is waiting for me that makes it all worth it?

I'm about this | | close to saying fuck it, I'll step out. Not because my life is dreadful, not because I'm abused.. I just don't see what makes the stress of living worth it. There's nothing good in this world and if there is the time needed to get it will expell the time you'd need to actually enjoy that one thing.

daaa~na?

I question myself sometimes too. It's not that you lack in compassion and ambition you just never found the reason to feel that way. It normal. Not everyone going to find a reason right away.
I can't say what you live for, no one can.You make your own reason to live. The only reason to keep going for the moment is to find a reason. Remember your not going to find that reason right away.

If you can't keep living then think about the group of friends you have, how will they react if you suddenly died? How are they supposed to react? Do you want them to react? I'm 14 and I always tried to search the internet for ways to kill myself but every time I think about actually committing the suicide, I wonder what my parents will react as? How will my friends react? If you think your job is too tiring for you then change the job? I know it might not be easy, maybe it will take some time but hey, you've endured this much, just wait a little more and see if it gets better? Just don't think about suicide without considering all those other people who have stood beside you. They will feel betrayed y'know? And plus, the world isn't as bad a place as it seems :)

Hmm... Aoi, I see where you're coming from, but honestly.. I'm pretty lacking in the part of ambition at least ^^' I really don't want to achieve anything. I'd be happy with a life of "chilling" everyday but you need $$ for that. So, that's not going to happen.

To Miomori: To be honest... I couldn't really care less what they might feel like. ^^' Well, maybe for one person, but she'll get through it. All the others... Well, I mean... If I'm dead, why would I be bothered?

I've barely any emotion left really, I just go by the day as something alike a zombie. It's just that I have a little bit of hope holed up somewhere that actually wants to believe. Buuuut, as I'm nearing my 21st birthyear I'd say it's about time Life showed me something worth the struggle, because for now there is nothing here.

What is it people live for? Is it for love? Is it for money? is it for enjoyment? It's not. People live to live. That's all there is to it and I don't like it.

Well, if you really don't care about the people around you then I guess if you die well I don't know. People are living and they are destined to die someday, so maybe you just keep living until that day comes? Also, it's Mimori not Miomori lol (^-^) anyways I don't think it's such a good idea to die just because you're sick of life or something, keep living!

Have you ever looked into Christianity? I find my reason to live knowing that God loved me so much that he sent his son to live the life we couldn't live and died the death we deserve so that we can live. He raised from the dead proving that he is God. Before I had accepted Christ I was broken and ready to just give up, but when I found him I was filled with peace. I am not saying that it will make your life easier but knowing that I am loved by the creator of the universe makes me want to live. I'll be praying for you.

The question you ask is a good one, one I think we all ask ourselves at some point in our lives. Living is about living, but it's more than that. Ask yourself what you want most in life, and work toward it. If it is relaxing, ask yourself what could make your life more relaxing. If you see the 40 hours each week you do of work as boring and not worth living, find something else. I know, easier said than done, but it will be worth it. There are careers in just about anything these days, and even if it doesn't pay much, but you love to do it, go for it. I think ambition is what drives us all to keep living, and if you don't have any ambition in your life, it's time for a change. Suicide isn't the change you want. True, your family would miss you, but more than that, do you really want to die? Death is unchangeable. Religion offers insight to whether or not there is an afterlife, but that takes personal belief, not something easy to come by. Truly, you have only two options. One, you go through with killing yourself, forcing your friends and family to mourn for you, while losing the life you've spent twenty years building for yourself, or two, you make the changes necessary for your own personal happiness. I don't know you well enough to tell you what to do, but from what I do know of you, I would say what you need is reason to exist. Start by existing for others. That is often easier than existing for yourself. Find joy in bringing joy to others. Find a new job that you enjoy more, and can think of that as time enjoyed. What got you through school? You must have had similar issues with that, unless learning was your ambition. You of course have one final option, which is to continue living unchanged, which you made clear you don't want to do. I guess to sum up, find motivation to keep living, suicide won't help.

Haha sorry Mimori, was a typo ^^ But ah well, we'll see. I was just wondering what people's thoughts on this were.

To anonymous: I don't mean this to insult you or in any bad way and I don't really know how to say it in a nice way, but... religion is not for me. Let's keep it at that. BUT, I do appreciate the fact you'll pray for me, since I understand fully how much religion means to you. :)

Hitsuji, it's quite funny how well you got all my thoughts in there, but there's one little problem: There's nothing in line or 'work' I enjoy more than coding, it's just that I can't even enjoy that. It might also be because I have been distancing myself from humans in general because I really don't like them. About 90% of the people I've met I wouldn't want to talk to again. So, changing my life to live for others would certainly get me downhill pretty fast ^^'

Having said that, I guess you have a point in everything you say it's just that I'm about out of ideas what it'll be that gives me purpose again.

You're right I had trouble in school. What got me through it you ask? Nothing. I barely made it. I didn't study for tests, all I did in class was game on my Vita.. Still graduated tho, I think they mixed up my grades with someone else's ^^'

So, it's not like these thoughts are new to me in any way. This is a problem I've been having for quite some years. As to what has been getting me through it... Nothing. Absolutely nothing, except for that little sparkle of hope.

Damn, I should write a book or something :p (jk)

By the bye, thanks for your time guys. I hope someone will hit the spot and open my eyes. ^^

It's sad to hear someone like you who has achieved something in life to decide to give up cuz life's boring. You know, I am a 22 year old female who *wants* to achieve something in life. I live in a quite strict family, actually my parents are the only strict ones in my family my cousins they can mess around all they want.

I have entered university and wasted 2 years of my life by failing my exams 4 times XD yes. Now I am at home with no job no uni no degree. Home stuck.

I'm bored too and go through everyday the same way like a boring unchanging routine. You were right when you said that some people would want your life.

I am now *trying* to change my life by job hunting and getting into uni again and try to study computer science. Even that isn't possible XD uni's say my qualifications aren't related to that subject though I am still trying to get there. Sounds like I am trying to waste more of my life there right? I want to prove to myself that I can get a degree and I want to prove my parents wrong who keep looking down on me. My ambition is to prove them and everyone else wrong and to get the life I want.

The fact that you're a guy makes me think you're lucky already hahah. So you don't like other people, don't enjoy your job, and don't really care what your family or friends think or feel when you die. Oh you also mentioned that you have barrly any emotions left well I feel you there. Same here I am emotionless when I have to be emotional.

What are your interests? What fascinates you? What are you curious about?
Before you say nothing let me tell ya, if you don't search you find anything that might interest you. Throw yourself into a different place or job. Travel, learn a new language and discover new things go to gym. There are many things you can do.

It's like you're stuck in a boring cycle. Not able to see and find all the nice things around you. Pull yourself out of that cycle by looking for new things to do. People do things they don't want because they need to sometimes. You could save up to do something fun every once in a while.

I'm telling myself this whenever I feel like life is shit or I am shit for wasting life.
I ask myself, would the little me have been proud of me now? What were my dreams and goals then? What changed? What did I do wrong what changed me into this? I'm sure that me from then would never be proud of what I've become now. I want to make that starry-eyed kid proud. My goal is to make the starry-eyed child inside me proud. So why don't you begin by spoiling your inner child.

Do visit this site it could be worth your time.

www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/no-goals-no-dreams-no-ambition/

Lastly, I would suggest a holiday to a foreign different country. Find inspiration, solve mysteries answer questions ;)

Have fun in life! The world is hiding weird and beautiful things so you gotta search for them. I've started searching, I'll probably write them down too. Just for fun.

Ciao

You know... Everything you say, ... You've got a point. But there is one problem. I can't keep a job because I get terribly depressed. No job means no money. No money means no f'ing way to do anything you're saying. And yeah I could get into a job thinking "I could save up for a nice holiday" or whatever, but feeling miserable for 4 months trying to get the money for a holiday... It's just not worth it ^^'

What my interests are and what fascinates me? Nothing. Nothing at all. I watch anime, I play games, that's about it. By the way, I didn't go to Uni, because I knew I wouldn't be able to pull through. I randomly founds some coding bootcamp and kind of cheated my way into it. I'm not at all gifted, but I am good at cheating life. Maybe that's what makes it so boring? idk..

The little me? To be honest, somehow I don't really remember an awful lot of my past.. I mean.. I didn't have any traumatizing things going on, my parents didn't divorce, I've never been bullied... But still, it seems some part of me wanted to forget it all.. I finished school about 2 years ago and I can barely remember anything from my graduation year, except for the fact that my grades were horrible and I did not earn my grad at all. It was pure luck that got me my diploma... So.. What did the kid-me dream of? Well.. nothing.. I gamed, went to school, gamed, went to school, waiting for the cycle to end. Ironic, isn't it? haha

Maybe that's what's screwed up my mind, but I've never done my best for anything. I've never tried my hardest, and right now there's nothing that seems worth the effort, nor do I have the resources to go find that thing.

It's like a twisted cycle .. If you ever find something beautiful in the world, let me know please. Or don't. ^^'

as to the site you directed me to.. It speaks of letting things go like fears and believes. I have no such things. My dreams? The only dream I might talk about is me being buttloaded rich, just because only then can you enjoy life for what it is. When a person can enjoy life without work nor the pressure of money in society, that's our utopia. Alas, no matter how much work we put into our lives, only a select view end up in that utopia and I'm not about to feel miserable the coming 20 years in the hope that I'll be one of those few.

I'm sorry if I seem to not take any advice to heart, I really do.. but.. It just doesn't cohere with what is going on I guess.

Everyone lives the same way. In high school, students want to get into a good college. In college, you want to get a good job. When you get a good job, you aim to become rich. You, on the other hand, don't aspire to be rich. You want to find another thrill in life, something that will take you out of your comfort zone.
Life is actually quite simple, if you think about it. There are ten of billions of humans on this planet, and whatever you feel, it probably felt throughout even your own hometown. However, in my opinion, with such a weak reason to want to die, I don't really think that you'll be able to complete your actions. I'm not trying to copy Izaya, but that's just simply how I think.
I've thought of suicide multiple of times because I didn't know what to do with my life, I was lost and I wasn't getting out of it any time soon. It's not as though that feeling is going away, it's still there, but when you actually take the medication or whatever way you're going to die, somethings going to stop you. The past whatever years you lived, it's going to continue on living in other people's heart. The people who surrounded you as a "family" is going to live with depression. This suicide isn't just about you, it's about the others around you. After you kill yourself, everything will be dark for you. It's simply not fair for the others that lived with you, they might even try to commit suicide as well.
However, if you truly, truly do not care about the consequences, then die. It's your choice. I'm too much of a coward to jump, because I care. If you're not a coward, but a bitch, die a bitch.

Haha, damn you gave it to me straight. All that you're saying is very true, I guess. I wonder however if a "thrill" is really what I'm seeking. What I'm looking for is to be able to actually enjoy life the way it was meant to, being able to enjoy things like nature and brethren by being able to relax.

We have all kinds of troubles and worries that are forced upon us, in form of money. We have to do our best in school, we have to get a good job and actually invest half our life into that just to be able to afford a roof over your head and have food and drinks to consume. Our basic needs as a human, we have to give up half our life for that in the most stressful way possible.

The thing I enjoy most in this world, is the world itself. I want to be able to pass my day sitting in a park, or at a friends', or in my own backyard or whatever and be able to enjoy the moment. We are forced not to, because we have our future to worry about.

Also, everyone gets over someone's death. Especially if there are enough around you to carry the same burden, so I don't see the need to worry about that. Death's something that'll come for all of us anyway. If you can't enjoy your days then what are you supposed to do?

Still, I get what your saying. My reason is weak, VERY weak and that's also why I have been devoting myself to break that reason, but I just can't seem to do it. The effort and pain it took to actually finish school, get myself schooled as a developer and try working in some companies is real, however weak the reason. I don't know why these things are so hard for me but they are.

These things being so hard, having to do this for at least another 10-20 years and still having the chance of my one and only wish coming true at about 0.0001%.. It's just starting to feel like a ridiculously impossible job to do. And if the job cannot be completed and the path towards it is hell, why walk it?

I read all of your replies to this thread and honestly you make a good point. To an extent you can't fully enjoy life like the rich person, because you're not that person. The richer you are the more adventurous (is that a word?) you can become plus the more free time you will have to relax and enjoy life. I think many parents want exactly that for their own kids. Because they couldn't have that freedom they strive and work their butts off to give as much of that freedom to their kids while they suffer working endless hours to give that.

As a single person with no significant others nor kids, that struggle really has no meaning, no worth. It kind of seems pointless to work hard and give yourself all this stress when nothing good is coming out of it. You're just throwing more and more responsibilities onto your shoulders trying to carry a load that shouldn't even be there in the first place. Why do people go through this? Why do they tolerate it?

Here's a few reasons I found why people tolerate these inconveniences as quoted below:
.
-"What I'm looking for is to be able to actually enjoy life the way it was meant to, being able to enjoy things like nature and brethren by being able to relax."
-"I want to be able to pass my day sitting in a park, or at a friends', or in my own backyard or whatever and be able to enjoy the moment."
-"I watch anime, I play games, that's about it."
-"I enjoy [...] coding"
-"[...]'chilling' everyday[.]"
-"it's not like these thoughts are new to me in any way. [...] As to what has been getting me through it [...] that little sparkle of hope."
-"[...]feeling miserable for 4 months trying to get the money for a holiday... It's just not worth it."
-quotes by Temojikato
.
-"The only reason to keep going for the moment is to find a reason." -Aoi
.
-" [...] think[ing] about the group of friends you have."
-Mimori Kokoro
.
-"[...]Christianity[.]" -aonoymous (>>6)
.
-" I think ambition is what drives us all to keep living[.]"
-Hitsuji
.
-"I want to prove to myself that I can get a degree and I want to prove my parents wrong who keep looking down on me. My ambition is to prove them and everyone else wrong and to get the life I want."
-"My goal is to make the starry-eyed child inside me proud."
-Abziiee
.
-"[...]the others around you."-Daya

End quotes.

I think you have the answer to your own question. It's the little things in life.

>>14 My words sound so much cooler quoted xD

Temojikato, you say you don't like people. I feel you there. People don't seem to understand each other, leave others out, hurt each other, etc. I've struggled with a long time with my feelings towards others of the same race. I have always been a very analytical person, and saw things with logic rather than emotion. This could be one reason I eventually fell into depression. I thought I understood people, but truly, we are random beings, with very little pattern in most of our thought processes. During my depression, I too lacked ambition. All I really wanted was to understand people, and feel comfortable around them, but I didn't. I have struggled with social anxiety, being unable to talk to people easily, freezing up when given the opportunity. I didn't even realize this was going on until I took a psychology class. I took it to attempt to understand my fellow humans better, to hopefully know how to act around them to advance myself. My ambition was, and is, to hold influence in others rather than being influenced by them. I eventually started escaping my depression, yet still had social anxiety. I still have social anxiety. It's something I'm only now learning to live with. Sorry if that went on to long, and I rambled too much, but my point is this: People are stupid. We can't change that. We just are. The only thing that we can do to learn to live with it is to accept that part of ours and each others natures. What you seek is ambition. All that you seem to live for right now are games, anime, and relaxing. What I think you lack, and would be most beneficial for you, is as I said before, find someone important enough for you to keep living. That's what I did to get through my depression.

I'm guessing what got you into coding was your love of games? Why not give some other things a try, you may not know it yet, but there is a world of opportunities out there. Try learning psychology, that's a fascinating subject. Think about what you like most in games, maybe shooting, maybe driving, and see what it's like in real life. If it's the shooting you enjoy, think about joining a police force, or military. If it's driving, become a truck driver (not really the same thing, but it's an example).

I've known someone without ambition before, and I have tried to tell them to try new things, but they believe they've seen and done it all. I assure you, you haven't. High school is hard because it forces you to do so many different subjects, most of which nobody cares about but the teacher. I'm sure if you found something that drives you, college would be a much easier experience.

Hey guy no matter if your only have 0.0001% of chance to make your dream a reality or if you will have to wait more or if you want something that everyone think is impossible you have to make everything to make that dream a reality and if you can't you will discover morre about yourself and your desires.
I know that the life is complicated but you have to think only about the good things and ignore what you don't like, my dream is a realy difficult one but i will never stop thinking that some day i will make that thing a reality no matter if this is idiot, impossible or if no one help me.

To Tree:

I got you, but the problem is that to me, for now, the small things just aren't worth it at all. And the things you quoted from myself are things I'll never get to have. But if that's truly all everyone lives for then there's nothing to do about it I guess. I'll have to keep looking for a small thing that IS worth it. I hope I'll find it in time, tho. ^^'

Hitsuji:

Hmm, but there's one major difference: I don't suffer from social anxiety as much. People tend to like me and I'm really good at working people, talking to strangers, giving presentations whatever.. It's just that they weigh me down a fuckton. I deeply, deeply dislike doing any of it, no matter how good I am at it. Someone to live for? I wouldn't possibly find anyone like that anytime soon for the reason that out of every 100 humans I meet, I MAYBE "like" (= being able to not vomit in my brains when I see them) one of them.. ^^'

My love of gaming is indeed what got me into coding. But that's exactly why your idea wouldn't work. I got into coding because I wanted to create games. Not because I liked 'shooting' or 'driving' in a game, no, because I love games in particular. Why? They give you a chance to live the life that's impossible to live in our world. That piece, the piece I love about gaming, I won't find in this world per definition.

Also, college isn't anything I'm related to. I've got my degrees, I just need to get a job. But somehow I'm unable to put my all into that like I've been doing for school all these years, simply because the weight of doing all those things I'm sincerely disgusted by is reaching its limits.

Lescuite:

The problem is: I KNOW how slim the chances are, and I KNOW how hard the road towards it will be for me. So how can I just 'ignore' all the hardship, pain and agony that will haunt me for years to come, if it's only for a one in a million chance of getting something good out of it? ^^' This isn't a game, this isn't an anime. It's not 'the harder you hope for it, the better it'll work out' ..

I must say, being able to discuss it does put my mind at ease for a bit.. If only a bit. :-)

:)

I know that life is not a game but you can play it and make it fun like if you become religious you can think about things like: if i can't make my dream that life someday i will reincarnate and try again; I know that this can be idiot but impossible but all you need is only believe on things that make your life better or make things more possible like thinking that GOD don't want one of her soons be sad so he will help you.
I know things can be hard but that works for me.

>>20 god is a girl in your eyes?

well seeing as that doesn't fit in any of the major religions or cults these days I have a few questions for you

1. what exactly do you believe?
2. how do you know god has a gender? if it doesn't reproduce it shouldn't have a gende
3. Does this mean that god didn't create the female gender and only had the original idea for the male gender?
4. Is your god single? Because I like powerful women, and who more powerful than god?

Naga Sake
1-I like the studys Alchemy of the Great White Brotherhood but that is not a religion is more like group of Beliefs that make more sense to me.
2-3-I don't see God as he or she i think that is more like "it" so God is not male or female is more like both.
4-I don't know if God is single because i not him but if he have someone i think that she will be other part of hin making she and he turning God it again.

>>17 I have often felt the same about wanting what the game, book, or show gives, rather than something I can get in this world. I do things like larp to get as close to those worlds as possible. I have been looking for a career that would come the closest to these alternate worlds as possible, but honestly, I agree with you that a great way to join them is to create them. I instead of choosing writing or coding, creating them, would rather be a part of them as most of us do. My conclusion that has seemed closest to possible alternate worlds is police work. I am still working towards that goal, but I expect it to fulfill many of my wishes of being in a fantasy world. Granted, a lot of it will be paperwork and boring stuff like that, but it seems like the best option for me. It probably won't be the same for you, but something is out there for you, and is far closer than you may think.

Yo Temojikato! Hopefully I can help in some way given that I know that familiar feeling all of pointlessness all too well. Now I don't know if you are experiencing what I think you are. How would I?? I'm not you! ha. But I can only speak from my own experience and hope something resonates with you.

So I don't think that you feel this way despite having a fairly good life. I think its because of it. So in my experience, if you live long enough and critically look at things along the way, you reach a limit. It's like this limit of what this world can give you. This tends to happen more with people who aren't struggling to survive regularly from the world around them. I mean duh, they got other things to focus on so they cant really reach the limit of a path like that. But someone who is fairly successful earlier in life tends to run into the problem of not feeling alive.

Like it totally makes sense. Life is a balancing act of chaos and order. Too much order and you end up stagnant and where you are at (just what im assuming). Too much chaos and your fighting survive. In my experience, when you have too much order in your life, you need to take a bit of a step in chaos. Shake things up. Now thats easy to say but its kinda hard without an example.

Ok many people told me this happens to a lot of younger people with the whole instant gratification thing. nothing to be ashamed about. so there is a tendency to not be satisfied with long term goals. So I tried to force delayed gratification. and your know what??? Totally miserable. People do things because they feel good doing it. Thats the truth behind human motivation. To older generations, delayed gratification works. But that will likely not help you. Pursue what makes you feel good. And Im not talking like passions and stuff (unless you got one). you like eating something, eat it. you like chilling out somewhere, do that. pay attention to the feeling. sometimes you feel better doing some things over others. take note of that. theres a trick to it. like taking drugs makes someone feel good right away, but like crap the next day. Eating healthy makes you feel good everyday. Theres an art to it.

To be honest, you are right to feel the way you do given 60 percent of your day youre doing something you don't care for. Hell I would to. But its simple, if you are willing to throw everything away already, you might as well dive into chaos a bit, screw security. Survive. What do you have to lose?? Sounds like you want something worthwhile, and you are having trouble finding it on your path. check out some other roads.

Years ago I lost everything worthwhile in life. So I made a deal with myself. I was going to really search for something worth living for. I mean hardcore. I quit most of my vices and said, "If I don't find something worthwhile after walking down every road, then I might as well kill myself." Truth is, its hard to not find something worth living for after you resolve to turn over every rock. I just couldnt check out unless I knew there wasnt anything better. And that brings us back to people pursuing things that make them feel good.

Alright full circle!!! Wooooo!!! Man that was a mouthful! Sorry Im so talkative! Hope something I said helps! Peace!!!

Ok.. Lescuite.. I REALLY don't mean to be rude, but.. The moment I would succumb to making myself believe stuff like that I'd be happy enough to just step out... It's not that I think religion is bad, it's not that I'm going to deny anyone the right to believe, but I am so against it that I wouldn't ever be able to believe such things unless I really detach myself from the world and stop using my head, just because that's the belief I have created for myself.

@Hitsuji:

Hmm, well what you're saying might be true, but thinking back to everything that has been said here; maybe I do need some kind of thrills in my life, like, otherworldly ones. I'm glad you've been able to find that dream in the form of policework and I hope with all my heart that you'll get there (well.. honestly.. idrc, but this is the part of me that likes to keep people at a neutral distance by making them kinda like me hahaha :p )

In all seriousness though: There is nothing in this world that would satiate my 'otherworldly' desires, unless I'd find Mana/magic in this world or whatever haha. I forgot to tell you guys, I draw a lot. Probably my nr1 favorite job to have, which doesn't even pay very well, would be creating anime. But alas, I suck too much balls ^^ So.. it's not of any concern but I still wanted to tell you guys, because it felt right.

I hope I can find the thing closer than I think it is, but in all honesty, I think there's no such thing in the world and I wouldn't know where to start looking. It's not like I have all the time in the world either, I need to have me a job soon because every person has expenses and funds are at an all-time low.. rock-bottom.. ^^'

Turtlesage (cool nick^^):

Erhm... Ok, so.. It's kinda hard to look at yourself from a third person perspective, right? But, I think you might actually make a lot of sense. There's only ONE problem in your whole 'solution' for me, and this is nothing you could have known upfront ofcourse;

How would I go about turning over all the rocks, walking all the paths? Doing things like that takes time. Time costs, in this world. You need food, a house, insurances need to be paid, etc. and my parents simply don't have the money to keep looking after me. Well, they might be able to and they wouldn't care in the least bit, but I, as a young adult, feel responsibility as well. As all and every form of feeling has been fleeing from me, slowly but steady, responsibility is very well there. I don't want to worsen other people's lives with my misery, right? At least not the ones that have been good to me. Why? Not because I care about them, simply because that's my vision of humanity. As long as you treat them well, they won't bother you either, and the thing I hate most in life are bothersome, annoying people. So, I can't keep living off of my parent's expenses, if that's the case where and how do I find the time to .. wander through life searching for that one thing that makes me happy? And where would I start searching?

Also, the situation at home is VERY unstable, as my view of life has diverted drastically from theirs, so it's about time I move out as well. That alone would make me happier, but as I said giving up 60% for my life just to move out.. it just isn't worth it ^^'

What you said actually made a whole lot of sense to me, but it also threw me deeper into a labyrinth of thought. How? Where? When? Why? Who?

You probably wouldn't be able to answer those questions for me, I get that, but somehow I always end up looking for someone with the answers, because no matter how easy I find the answers to struggles concerning career, school, whatever, the answers to life have never shown me even a glipmse of their contents.

(Damn this was a lot of text I'm not going to re-read it, fk it :p)

I'm not really sure what you want since it's a bit contradictory? Correct me if I'm wrong but from my interpretation you want to enjoy life for what it's meant to be. The definition of what that is, is to be able to enjoy nature, relax, pass the day sitting in the park, being friends, basically doing whatever to enjoy the moment. But you can't do this because of work, because 60% of your time is spent doing something you don't actually enjoy doing. So your question is. what makes drives us humans to do what we do?
You are thinking (?) that the cons outweigh the pros and that it doesn’t make sense for people to strive or endure life for the pros as it's clearly imbalanced.

Since you’ve deemed or dismissed a lot of answers as not the correct or rather not what you’re looking for. Then can I inquire the extent of your feelings? You want to understand, you want to live and enjoy the moments or events you proposed right? So I don’t see the issue of having to endure the stress with working for it. Those ‘moments’ that you want have value, but how much value? For me moments like that are personally priceless, 5 minutes of let's say an intimate moment with friends or a lover is definitely something I’d cherish for a lifetime. To remember those feelings and memories ya know? I’m not sure if you exhibit those kind of feelings for the 12 friends you have at the moment.

Basically the...Point of view(!) I want to convey is that if you want the said moments you talk about, you would live your life and perhaps find the answer, you would, have the ambition to obtain these moments. If people cannot convey the answer to you then I guess living your life is the only way to perhaps find the unworldly, metaphysical answer you seek.

Another issue that I’ve interpreted is I guess whether you want to work for something so (sorry I’m bad with words lol), not unlikely, but rather, due to the lack of seeming security of whether it will happen or not, you are therefore undecided or lack understanding in how others do it. As for this issue, again the only thing I can tell you is to live life and define everything yourself.

That’s it for now, in a very badly-articulated way lol. I’ll try to brush things up if you didn’t understand anything in another post later on!

Haha I mostly get what you're saying Viral and you've got a point. The difference lies in this:

"For me moments like that are personally priceless, 5 minutes of let's say an intimate moment with friends or a lover is definitely something I’d cherish for a lifetime."

5 minutes enjoying life, which you had to idk be miserable for for a far larger period of time, how can that weigh up. A memory is nothing more than that. It has given you a joyous moment once and you cherish the memory, meaning you long for more of those moments. That memory won't give you joy again, it's merely a reflection of a time you once had joy. If the amounts of 'memories' you've made are far outnumbered by all the terrible times around it, how can that ever seem worth it? :o

This is it said in a crude way ofcourse, because I know what you're saying and I understand it. I might even feel the same way. But the scale of these two things is just way too imbalanced for me to actually be able to enjoy it. I guess?

So Temojikato, youre totally right. Can't give you those answers. Theres a taoist phrase thats goes something like this, you can describe fire all you want to someone, but they wont understand it until they get burnt. Its all about walking the path. But despite not being able to give you an answer to these questions, I can give you some revelations Ive run into myself. My friend used to do that for me and although Ive adjusted them through my own experiences, I think it really helped me understand what to look for. Well actually more like what to NOT look for.

I changed my major 6 times when I was in college. Each time I would continue to the higher level classes. Then I would switch my major. Not because they were hard but actually because of the opposite. I hit the highest levels of these subjects and I was still passing them with ease, but I felt like I had learned nothing. Or at least anything of value. I pursued college mainly because of this idea of stability. Many people chase stability! And I was a lazy person and wanted to do little work, so stability sounded better than improvising!!

But after doing this again and again. After going to the end and realizing that I learned nothing but rhetoric. After realizing I learned no skills aside from information for the sake of information. After my friend got a job in what I was majoring in at the time and it was a mess in my opinion. I realized, theres no such thing as stability.

You can get close. You can sort of get everything together. But the smallest crack can make everything fall apart. The closest you can get to stability is being resourceful. No job will give you stability in your life. If I may use your situation as an example, although you have a steady job, its robbing you of something internally and that is making you risk the stability due to an emotional reason. Although it is a nice sentiment that I agree with to not be a burden to your parents or the people you care about. If you check out, you will be anyway. Plus, lifes about failing alot man. like sooooo much failure. In those times you fall on the people you care about. Make it up to them when you get your stuff together. To walk through life believing you shouldnt hurt anyone is a difficult burden. A burden that will make you (in my experience) hurt more people in the long run. Heres my moto! If I hurt you by mistake, sorry! If I feel like making it up to you, cool. If I dont, cool. Thats the beauty of kindness, its all about the choice to be kind or not.

Its kinda funny really. Out of the posts that youve written, Ive gathered that you might actually have the philosophers problem haha. So many philosophers reach this point where they think, "well this is crap. This cant be the truth. Theres gotta be more to life" And it leads them down this pursuit of truth and life. So although you are in this funky position with questioning if life is worth it. Thats like standing past all the illusions in life and trying to pick the lock on the door of truth. So part of me wants to congratulate you on getting to a point that is difficult for people to get to. Congratulations!! Woooooo!!!!

Actually, realizing that, I may have a place for your to start. Same place where I started. My friend once told me, what is the point of figuring everything out by yourself, if someone else already paved a road with your ideas. Basically you read something written by someone who has had a similar perspective. or many people. Not me. Im just a guy writing on a forum. But I will give you a suggestion. Heres four books, philosophical, and from 4 different approaches. ok you ready? The Taoist Chronicles (Awesome adventure of a kid training to be a taoist from the ages of 9 to 40. goes into explaining a taoist approach to life in a cool way.) Then you got, The Unfettered Mind by Takuan Soho (read the thought process of a real monk who managed to become friends and teacher to many of the big legends of sword slinging Japan). How to be an existentialist by Gary Coxx (teaches existentialist approach without being boring. acutally pretty funny book) and lastly Seneca on the shortness of life, (that one is one of the most relatable to modern day and you might want to start with that.)

These are all suggestions!! But they might serve a good starting place while you are still trying to be somewhat stable. Mix and match what you like, build your views. Find the truth, find life. laugh at the subtle jokes of philosophers. It might help!! YEAH!!!! Possible solutions!!!!!

>>25 Drawing on its own may not pay much on average, but from your replies you seem to be pretty good at writing, and maybe you could put the two together. You joked earlier about how you should write a book, I think that might actually be a good thing for you to do. Of course, don't give up your current career until you are actually ready to publish, because, like you said, "every person has expenses." I know this probably isn't the most helpful solution, most people don't like writing, but its an idea to use your love of drawing for something. You said you weren't that good, work on it! If it's something you're passionate about and really enjoy, do it! You will have to start by continuing your current job, because it takes time to start pulling money in from art, but it shouldn't take as long as college, or building up enough money to chill for the rest of your life. Idk, just an idea.

I have also felt rather pointless lately.
Of course not to the same degree, I mean I'm still in high school, people say you've got such a future ahead!
But lots of us don't see it.
But here's something from our Grade 12 English class:
"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow/
Creeps in the petty pace from day to day..."
-(Macbeth, William Shakespeare)
Basically, every day is the same, ordinary.
But we keep living, and you ask why
It's hope of some sort. That something will change, maybe we pray for a miracle. We want to believe we can be something.
It is like each person has a flame, to light their way through life. A purpose.
And it doesn't matter what age you are or where you're from, there's a reason why you're here.
You think you amount to nothing, but you amount to something.
Try new things in your limited time. Write, Draw, Find a new hobby.
Talk to people, whether it be the friend you lost contact with from middle school, or a distant relative that you just haven't got the chance to talk to in a while.
Because in the end, we don't win in life. No one comes out alive...
So this time we have as it slowly ticks away, it's our time to take an adventure.

Every single person in this world has a purpose for living, whether it be an interest they want to pursue or a cause they wish to support. Everyone in poverty has a drive in them as a human being, and so does everyone in the more advanced parts of the world. Just living is the clear reason of why you are meant for something. So, don't give up on that spark of a drive you are meant to have; you can choose to either start looking for it, wait for it, or even alternate between the two.

Ok, so.. I'm as honored as ever that you guys keep trying, ghehe.

Let me start with Turtlesage:

I'm definitely going to check those books out. I think you hit the bingo with pretty much everything you said, except for one thing: It's not that I don't like to hurt people out of kindness, at all. I really couldn't care less, tbh. I'm a nice person in nature, always have been, but actual kindness has been lost to me. I just wouldn't be able to cope with people bothering me next to everything I'm dealing with, so I try to keep them at a friendly distance, haha. ^^ Unless ofcourse they're genuinely good people, because just as I expect people to treat me wall as I do them, it works vice versa as well.

Having said that I think most of what you're saying is at least in the right direction, so I'll take your advice to heart and check the written works out.


To Hitsuji:

Hmm, you know.. I've thought of this, writing books, creating manga, whatever.. It's just that I'm quite the realist and it feels like I would be wasting my time. But you know, maybe I will try to do something in my free time, who knows, huh. If I do create something, I'll get back at you and you can be my first reader hahaha ^^

Now for the supposedly new guys, thanks for taking your time;

To Sam:

You're absolutely right in everything you're saying, my point is that what you say we should do is made impossible for is in the form of working, providing, etc. Also, I'm not really into the 'old friends and family thing'.. They're old ones for a reason :p and funding would also be an issue, as stated. So, although what you're saying is true, it's more like stating the problem again. But you might be right that in my problem lies my answer though.

To Shimizu:

Ok, so, it's a nice philosophy to have, "everyone is meant for something", but I don't buy it. This world doesn't follow logic, this world isn't, in my opinion, someone's great masterplan. It's there just because it's there, just as we are here because we are. What we do with that life, what we will accomplish and if we will actually help the world is something in our own hands. Now, the problem is that I don't care about helping the world, accomplishing stuff, whatever. I just want to be able to enjoy this life I've been given and within modern society we simply cannot. Not nearly on the scale I feel it should be, at least. If that makes sense?

>>25

I think that’s a good question and I again think the answer comes through living life, changing throughout and finally finding the metaphysical answer you seek. The perception that life is miserable when you’re not experiencing a happy moment is too simple. I respectfully disagree with it as it simplifies life too much, it’s not like ying and yang essentially. I believe that the 60% of that you deem miserable can be changed, it’s not inflexible. Balancing the scales is a good start, then you could strive for more, 60% of life would be happy, etc etc.

As for memories, I think they have more inherent value (these are my opinions of course I don't want to come off as imposing my values on you!), for example if I had a precious memory I would definitely keep it. It’s a token of my hard-work. I don’t perceive working to be miserable but more a lesson, that I need to either find something new or adapt my current job into something I’d like or love. Be the change you want to be is what I’m trying to convey.

That’s all I can say for now. If this doesn’t help then I hope you find the answer you want or in the very least, be happy with whatever decision to come to conclude with! Oh wait one LAST thing, haha. Thanks for starting this thread, I think this thread addresses many perspectives that I’ve never heard or see before thanks to you and the responses. It’s definitely broadened horizons and given me more insight. So thank you for that Temojikato and everyone else!

Sweet! And about kindness, thats totally ok man. If everyone was kind all the time then kindness wouldn't have a place to exist. The beauty about it is having a choice. Choice to not give a damn or choice to be kind. and that oppurtunity renews itself constantly. Its one of the beauties of life. So its totally ok dude. Its part of the nature of how kindness works.

Welp, at least I'm, for now, not stupid enough yet to give in. But it seems I wouldn't be able to find an answer through others anyway, will have to look for a little bit longer, who knows what comes along I guess..

I'll have to cope.. Although it doesn't really feel like it'll hold that long. Curious what the future holds, ghehe.

Let's avoid throwing around the word 'metaphysics' in places it doesn't belong, OK? Metaphysics is the philosophical study of the nature of reality, not of the meaning of life. >>35 Become an existentialist. Read Sartre, Heidegger, and Kierkegaard.

Get passive income make yourself indepebdent, all time i hear work work work work ah take.... think outside the box man the internet has enough capability to make you wealthy(e book selling, affiliate marketing, youtube ad sencing (algorhym is sh it not recommendet) make saving plans etc pp i even have an ebook called how to get rich easy and simple and it aells quite well, build that i net imperium up and you workaybe 8 hours a week for mainteance your sh it publish new books or websites or polisj things (affiliate marketing is recommendet for those who can desing very well, or design websites (because thats what you do with affiliate marketing , advertise your website with sh it from amazon people need in their lives and that in an eye candy way, Independence is key if you wanna be free, workers are just looping in the ratrace till they die or retire VERY LATE..

Ah i forgot patreon also(for those who create things),therw are so many ways i even got a provider who thinks im a gril and i got a monthy 100-200ish fee from him because inet fetishes etc. Its not that hard but you need lits of time to keep Rolling, ebooks for example mostly 70-100 pages and what people wanna read, how to get things, get confidenter, fast money etc well in some time working isnt a issue for me anymore school is a good way to get free money in germany also :) bafäg, kindergeld, halbweisenrente, side job (if wanted) well its about the passive income at the end

>>32 I do agree that this world doesn't follow logic, and it isn't part of someone's "master plan," either. What I do believe is that when you are given something, you should make something out of it (like the classic "when life gives you lemons"). If someone is given a life, then they will make something out of it, whether it be living for their friends, family, or personal goals. You might feel constantly empty because you just haven't found anything yet that fits your standards. If you are truly human, then I'm sure that at least something exists for your favor. Just...don't give up yet.
The world isn't as bad as you think.

I can totally relate to this/you. Sorry if I can't be of help. Since I'm also done with school, I sleep it out trough the day. I can't keep up with a regular office job too, which is worse. But yeah, family and "friends" can help, sometimes.

Fuji got you there, Viral, haha. :p

Gaten:

This is why I became an app developer tbh, to be able to work freelance or on my own projects, but I need about 5-7 years of experience for that to really pay off. That's a lot of years..

I'm in NL and I wouldn't be able to make any money going to school I can tell you, haha. Also, you make it sound hella easy, making money over youtube, e-books, idk what, but I don't agree with that. If it were that easy, everyone'd do it. Right?

Shimizu those are actually some .. I forgot the word I wanted to put here.. damn.. Well they're some soothing words, I'll take them to heart and I just hope I'll find something that will fill the hole ^^ I appreciate you sticking around here, thanks.

Megane-chan; Office jobs are a pain, aren't they ^^' I might even throw up at the idea. I had a part-time job back in the day, it was only on sundays, but every saturday evening I would get hella depressed out of nowhere, be unable to sleep and at some times I'd even actually throw up. Probably just my mind going crazy, but there was really nothing I could do about it haha.

We'll just have to hope the rich Nigerian prince is a true legend at this point. :p

>>35

Oh my bad, I thought it was to do with spiritual thought and such, human psyche etc. You also summed up what I wanted to say in a few words too, I agree. Become an existentialist. >>41

>>32 I would love to be your first reader! When you finish your first book, let me know at hitsuji.dollars@gmail.com

Ghehe, if it comes to pass I'll mail it Hitsuji q: