I have read a lot about toxic relationships... And usually it involves one person being aggressive, obusive or manipulative to another person which leads to this person getting hurt. And yet they maintain a relationship such as being friends or even being a couple.
Yet no matter what kind of toxic relationship it was: Someone ended up being hurt.

Let me cut this short. I have a friend. Maybe she's even my best friend... She has depression. And because of that she tends to do things which not only hurt herself but also me...

To explain how we even ended up being friends, I met her through other friends. This happened to be at the lowest point of my life. I was being bullied, I cut myself, I had problems with my parents and all the other kinds of cheesy things you have as a depressed teenager. She helped me... Heck, she even is one of the reasons why I am still alive today, which is why she is very important to me.

This was back then when she was okay... Her parents became abusive towards her, her grades got worse and worse. Right now she is about to get kicked out of college for missing too many classes. This is how her depression started.

I thought it was just a phase. After all everyone goes through a phase like that... Right? She went to get help from professionals, took pills, talked to me as much as she could... Nothing helped. In her view she has no future. She only lives because I want her to. Those are the exact words she said. But having said that I suddendly felt a huge burden. What if I did something wrong? Would she kill herself? Would she end everything? I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't want her to disappear... After all she was important to me. So of course I tried doing nothing wrong. I treated her as the most important person in my life. And for a reason. After all she saved my life. So I wanted to save hers. But as time went on her depreasion got worse. She became more and more paranoid.

She thought that I am not even a real friend. That I am only with her out of pity.
I know it was the depression that made her say those things. And yet it fucking hurt. Being with her for such a long time, listening to her, crying out of worry because she wouldn't text back after saying she wants to die, trying to cheer her up with all the energy I have left inside of me, making her my top priority and then hearing that I am not a real friend and only fucking around with her is fucking painful.
Yet both of us somehow managed to graduate highschool and move onto college.

We met a lot of new people. Heck, I even met my first crush I had back in middle school and fell for him all over again. But that's a different story...

The thing is that as time went by I grew closer to those people. I finally felt as if I was in an environment in which people welcomed me for being there. I found new friends.

But she didn't.

I tried connecting her to my other new friends. They welcomed her. But she thinks they secretly hate her. Her depression stopped her from finding new people she could trust. She only trusted me.

Due to pressure because of exams and because of trouble at home she didn't appear to her classes. She missed exams and automatically failed them because she didn't even bother to contact college that she wouldn't appear.

I don't know if it was at the time she wasn't in college when I started to realize that not being in constant worry for her and being able to have fun with other people, wasn't too bad of a thing.
Because of usually being lonely whenever she wasn't there, I usually ended up being worried the whole day without her. Not only did I worry, I ended up having severe anxiety and nervous breakdowns because of her. I was afraid of doing anything wrong. I was afraid of her taking her life at any second in which she wouldn't respond to my messages. I cared more about her than about myself.

Then she texted me that she kinda felt as if I wasn't caring at all about her anymore. That I am having more fun with my new friends. Basically what she was telling me was that all those fucking hours a spent worrying for her were useless and that I should give up on her and have fun with new people.

To make things straight, she still was and is important to me. I know that if I gave up on her she wouldn't have anybody else to talk to... Maybe she might end up harming herself. I am afraid of that. But I realized that that is dragging me down. I would never be able to have a social life and be happy. If I stayed with her my only happiness would be whenever she texted me back and reassuring the fact that she was still alive.

I am important to her.
And she is important to me.
And yet she is dragging me down...
I want to save myself because I don't want my life to consist out of anxiety again. But if I save myself she might drown.
I don't want that to happen...
But I also don't want to drown myself either.

Is this a toxic relationship?
Would it be better if I forget her and move on? I wonder...

Well, toxic or non-toxic aside, if you find it too hard, then leave.
The longer you stay with her, the more she'd expect out of you. And with expectations come disappointment and betrayals.

This might seem cruel, but not a lot of people have what it takes to support another person wholeheartedly. If she is that important, then stick. If not, then leave. Because, if you do decide to stay with her because you're feeling guilty, it'd be exactly as she says, which is you're staying with her out of pity.

I want you to think long and hard about what choices you have and what consequences each may bring. I also want you to think about the future and what you want to do such as your career or goals you want to achieve.

If you see a future with her and that you plan to always be with her then stay together but the cons of that is sacrificing your social life, entertainment, and possibility a few other things.
If you don't, then it may be the best to move on and continue your life in a different perspective. Although this also brings memories (positive or negative) that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

I sincerely wish you good luck and I hope you will be able to decide on what's best for you.

Honestly....... she does sound like a toxic person to have around. It sounds like she's (probably unintentionally) manipulating you into not only staying friends with her, but making her a top priority in your life. She's low key guilt tripping you for having fun with other people and enjoying yourself... It's ok if she wants you to care for her, but objectively it is not ok when she wants you to put her happiness above yours. What she wants from you is a selfless kind of love, but selfless love is a dangerous thing, too. Don't lose yourself while trying to save her unless you truly value her more than you value yourself. Please don't feel guilty if you choose yourself over others! It doesn't make you a bad or ungrateful person! Loving yourself is not bad! It just means that you're human and there are limits to that which you can offer.

Oh geez, I never have patience for people such as this. She needs to TRY TO HELP HERSELF. She wants 24/7 commitment from you, it's a sort of empty love. I think she only loves (platonically) the IDEA of you and whatever void you can fill in her. She loves the idea of having a successful friend drop everything just to hang with her sorry ass.
It sounds pretty twisted when I word it like that, and I'm truly sorry if you think I've totally misinterpreted the situation. Maybe she doesn't even realize what she's doing is wrong.
I think you need to find a unique activity just for you two, but one that at the same time can introduce her to new people. For example, I had a friend exactly like this, so I introduced her to Magic the Gathering. She started going out by herself to play cards with other people from the tournaments we had attended. So you really need to have a very long talk with her about everything you just said here.

It's very important to remember this: the ultimate choice is hers. You cannot control a person. If she chooses to ignore all your advice and help...that's her choice.