Why is it so hard for me to keep friends?. I joined an extra curriculum activity in order to get closer to my secondary school friends and people who they've made friends with in college I managed to successfully get closer I was even part of the group chat on whatsapp they found me hilarious and I had a great time things started to change the next the club got cancelled they continuously spoke about inside jokes there was also a boy who joined the circle the same time I did and he knew all the inside jokes and they kicked me out the group chat the day the club was cancelled. I was extremely gutted I know this sounds ridiculous this was my first time feeling included and finally had people enjoying my company.

I've never been able to keep friends they always end up leaving me. I'm going through a lot of stressful things at home and would have loved to get distracted from all of it and hang out with friends.

Basically I'm a loner and I accept this I just want to know how I can start enjoying my own company . It's normal to eat by yourself in the UK so I have started to do so. Everything seems to be depressing,I'm so bored I revise in my frees I also feel so empty ,so emotionally drained I really don't want to get out bed in the morning but I tried very hard to, I've also started comfort eating. I don't think I lack self esteem I'm pretty content with myself I do acknowledge there is room for improvements both inside and outside but why can't people be content with me. Is it because my taste of music( I love rock music lol they like pop, rap ad grime) is different to theirs my humors more dark compared to theirs

I'm planning on starting fresh and changing school this is mainly because I wish to change my subjects. I'm also trying to learn new instruments and languages which is making me feel much better.
How do I feel the void in my heart?, also how do I enjoy my own company ?

Nothing's wrong with you. Every person is different in their own way, including socially. Whether a person is very likable to others around them does not matter; it's those who really stay by your side. And this social matter is too much a complicated issue to try to get into anyway, so don't put in too much effort. Find the things you like, and be true to yourself. This way, you can still enjoy life as you go along. Friends and relationships are things that come to you, and not so much as the things that you go out and find.
From a personal experience: for example, I tried SO hard to keep these friends of mine that I looked up to and wanted to be close with. However, I always felt left out, like I didn't fit in. I tried harder and harder, and I was noticed a little more, but I was no longer acting like myself. This may sound ridiculous, but I ended up learning a lot of lessons through anime, and with the opinions of my family as well, I came to see that these "friends" of mine were fake, inconsiderate, and not worth my time. I detached from them, and I began searching for my own actual tastes and hobbies, such as anime, programming, piano, and making clothing accessories. I did not completely ignore other people; I was still considerate and helpful to those around me, but I didn't put in much effort into making friends. What ended up happening in the end, was that someone came along and hung out with me more and more, wanting to know more about me. She dragged me along with her everywhere and showed me things. She ended up becoming my closest friend, and she told me that she liked me for who I was.
I now feel more complete of myself, knowing that someone who naturally came along and is attracted to my personality will be by my side and stay loyal to me by her own choice.
My experience was somewhat of a change that I had to go through, but I accepted it knowing that I was better off this way. It's also because "The world isn't as bad as you think." -Celty Sturluson

Yes, I got that quote from anime, but it's an anime I really love! Embrace the things you ACTUALLY like, and detach yourself from those that you know will get you nowhere in life. Trust me, you can enjoy your own company this way, and you won't have to worry about doing so forever, because someone or some people who are attracted to you will come along sometime. Every person in the world was designed like that, to be attracted and pulled in by certain others. So don't worry about anything! If you think changing schools will help you start fresh again, then go for it! Learn those languages, and do many more things! Find the hobbies that you enjoy in life while waiting for the people who will choose to be by you and support you. :)

Sorry for the super long message, I got carried away. I wish I could write my essays like that...

>>2 Beautiful. I couldn't have said it better. :) I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Thank you so much shimizu for taking the time out to help me out. I don't think it's not ridiculous to learn things from anime , I think I spent too much time looking for friends because I envied a lot of anime characters that had friends that stood by them through thick and thin .But your right I should focus on myself and people will come. I think it's gunna be difficult to be alone since I've also tried to be in the company of others but I'll get there . Once again thanksss for your reply!!!!!!!

Of course! Don't feel too pressured that it's gonna be difficult, because the experience is very relaxing and self-teaching. I also envied a lot of anime characters because of that!>‿< You're welcome again, and please stay strong and confident in yourself!