I was hoping that someone might be available to share some wise advice with me.

So, my girlfriend and I have known each other for years. We've spent years as friends, and in 2015 we actually began dating. We only knew each other long distance, having met in IMVU back when we were younger, and then in 2016 we were living together, sharing an apartment.

Well, things have changed a lot over the course of time. She won't admit it, but she has changed. She said to me that she's always been the same, but that I just never paid attention. That her childish behavior, emotional moments are all the same as they were years ago. I knew that was a lie though, and that it was all due to unfortunate events that have happened in her life, that I won't get into.

Well, one of our latest arguments has been over either renting an apartment, or looking into renting or purchasing a house.

I make a decent amount of money. At over $15 an hour, I'm doing okay. It was amazing living at home with very little expenses, but now that I've got an apartment that takes up about half of what I make each month, and I'm receiving very little help from her due to her part-time job not giving her enough hours, it kind of all falls on me.

My opinion: "Let's get an apartment for now. Let's find one that is cheaper and closer to work, this way we might actually be able to start saving more money, and we can prepare for things in the future, like being able to go back to school, and I still need to get my own personal vehicle because my dad let me borrow his car until I got my own, since I gave my old car to my mother because she didn't have one anymore cause it broke down. Let's just get an apartment for a while longer, save, and have more money than we do now."

Her opinion: "No. Baby, listen to me. If we get a house, it would be a BETTER investment. By getting a house, we can try to find one with a mortgage that is CHEAPER than the rent we pay now. And don't you use school as an excuse. If we find one with a cheap mortgage, we can still do all of that. And what happens if something happens and my mom needs to stay with us, or your mom does? At least we can have more room. And we can do whatever we want to it, we can paint it how we want, we can build a doggy door so the dog can go in and out as he pleases without having to rely on us to take him out, and after the mortgage is paid off, then when we're in our thirties or our forties, we can be done with the payments and actually own our home. Not many people can say that. Living in an apartment means that you're paying someone else and making THEM rich. Buying your own home is an investment for the future, and each payment is a step closer to owning your own home."

Both are valid points. I see her logic, but she refuses to see mine. She just sits angry and plays with her phone after we argue about it. She even brought up the fact that my parents are older and don't even own their own home. My parents are divorced, both are retired, and she said that she didn't want to be like them: older but living in an apartment and paying rent.

I took offense to that.

She even gave me an ultimatum: if after three years we weren't living in a home, that it was a deal-breaker. Meaning, she would leave me because I clearly didn't want to find a way to move forward in life. And the year we lived together already counts as one year.

So basically, I have to make an effort to help her find a house in two years, or she goes bye-bye.

I'm currently filling out apartment applications, but I'm debating on just writing my name and only my name. Not hers.

Which brings us to the...I guess you could say point of this long story.

I can fill out these applications for apartments, only put down my name, and when our lease is up in a couple months, I can tell her that I'm gone, I've decided that living by myself-as a single person- would be better than this right here. This involves me going through the next couple months as if I intend on us living together, versus telling her now. I do this to avoid having to live with an ex-girlfriend, given that she probably wouldn't leave right away, even though I know she has a couple places she could go if we broke up.

Or I tell her what I'm doing and go through everything I just talked about up above.

I guess I just wanted her to change. I wanted her to realize that there are some things we can't just do right off the bat without consequences. I've learned that the hard way.

What do you guys think? Does my logic make sense? Does it not? What would you do in this situation? Am I wrong for deciding that I finally want to go it alone and focus on making myself better?

-A Rampant Phantom.

Both your and her points seem logical. In that situation I'm leaning more towards your side though, 'cause I prefer renting. I don't think you're wrong for wanting to go it alone especially when you're both at odds on what to do.

I'm actually riding a similar wave right now, but not with an S.O. just my family (parents and siblings).The house we've been renting for the last ten years is going to be foreclosed (possibly) cause the landlord missed a payment or something. There's 6 adults and two kids in my family. I make a decent 11.50 an hour where I work and I've basically taken care of all my expenses while living with my parents (food & laundry and phone/ internet) as well as paying them half a paycheck every month for rent and giving them $20 to $70 for food every week for the past year. None of my other siblings have done this (except when they felt like it, but it was rare), and I'm the middle child. After hearing that the homeowner is losing the home we have been trying to figure out what to do.

My suggestion: Let's all move out and go our seperate ways since we're all adults now and should be independent by now. And I could afford to take care of all my needs just renting a room anyway.

My older brother's suggestion: We should all move out and rent a place together for the 8 of us with our combined income because it would be cheaper for all of uss.

Both suggestions make sense, but...

I don't know what to do. Right now I (21) have the most money saved up amongst my family even though my older brothers (24 & 22) have been working longer than me. And from what I've seen neither of them have even tried to be independent for themselves. I don't want to be forking over money to my family when they themselves have been financially negligent, but at the same time I don't want them to hate me if I move out.

I feel that a ton of pressure goes on me because despite the fact that they (brothers and parents) have been working longer than me, they didn't save money and they just spent it on whatever they wanted, while I have been saving money ($300 to $500 a month) for the entirety of last year so that I could become independant. And now that the news came of the landlord losing the house, I feel like I'm going to be stuck with my family for a lot longer than I wanted.I'm at a loss for what to do, 'cause somehow they're poorer than me! If I leave on my own, they have little to no money for a deposit and 1st months rent, whereas I have enough money to cover the first 4 months of rent for whereever room it is I move to by myself. If I go with them, somehow I'd lose more money than I would living on my own. That's why I don't want to go through with it, but I'm also pretty sure they're going to hate me a ton if i don't help them. Because they can't afford to move in together unless I go (or my money goes) with them. Currently I can't drive due to a medical condition (Epilepsy) that prevents me from doing so, and the places they've been looking at would basically require me to quit my job and start looking for a new one over there because they want to move to a completely different city. If I don't go they're screwed, If I do go, I'm screwed... I don't know what to do.

Sorry,I just had to get this out of my system too..... Good luck with your situation.

No, I completely understand. That's one of the things I like about this site, is that it lets people vent and lets people share what's on their mind.

I really hope your situation works out, too. I feel that if you've come up with a way that lets you be self-sufficient and lets you follow your own path and goals, then your family shouldn't hate you for it.

With my situation, it's with a girlfriend. Girlfriends come and go. That's a sad way of looking at it, I guess, but that is the truth behind it. Family is another story. You only get one family, and they shouldn't want to hate and isolate you for the fact that you want to better yourself, and consider you a traitor.

In my personal opinion, that's just stupidity.

If I'm misreading this, I'm sorry, but that's just what it sounds like.

I feel like you should do you. Which means I should follow my own advice. Since my first post, I have turned in one application for an apartment, and I put all of the information solely for myself, girlfriend not included. I talked to the landlady, and she said that if I wanted, I could turn in a second application that has both my girlfriend's and my information, in the event that she decides to live with me and we don't break up. If she does leave, then the landlady at least has an application for me for a one bed/one bath apartment.

I guess we'll see.

-A Rampant Phantom

>>1
I'd say, and don't take it too seriously, I'm only a freshman, if you really lover her and think she's 'the one' then go along with her. If not, and I'm getting the sense she isn't, then go your separate ways. As for when to tell her, if she's the type to throw a tantrum and make your life miserable while she can, then don't tell her until later. If she's not like that, then maybe tell her after you sign the papers. If she has something against any decision you make, it's her own opinion and it can't affect you by this point.

>>2
I'd say, again, I'm 14 and this shouldn't be taken into too serious consideration, talk it over with them. If you think it's best and easiest to move out, then talk it over with them. Lay out your cards perse and give it to them straight. If you can afford it, then help with their rent until they get it in their heads that they actually have to support themselves. If not, then keep reminding them about it so they can make the money for it until they do it on their own. You amy feel like you're nagging them a bit this way, but from what I can tell, they need it. If you think staying with them would be your best bet, then nudge your siblings into giving to the family a bit more and give a bit less yourself to force their hands a bit. This way, if you think it would be okay to move out later on, you can and they can help support your family in your place.

Well, I hope this can give you a bit of help and advice but again, I'm 14 so this probably won't be the best of advice.

>>3 No, you didn't misread anything. I mean I didn't explain everything either. My mom and one of my younger siblings (My little sister) tells me I should do what I want. It's mostly my dad and especially my oldest brother that are putting me on the spot, out to be a traitor and whatnot. My oldest brother especially is trying to convince the rest of the family that if I leave, I'm just being selfish and don't care about them at all. This actually hurts my feelings, and sometimes I wonder if he's right. But honestly I agree with what you said, "You only get one family, and they shouldn't want to hate and isolate you for the fact that you want to better yourself, and consider you a traitor."

I'll try following my own advice then. We did find a place with many stores near it (so potential jobs are already there) so I'm going to try applying for it but I'm going to look for a room to rent at the meantime in case it doesn't fall through. And you follow your advice too, it sounds like you found a way for it to work whether your girlfriend stays with you or not. :)