Over the past year and a half now, I've been dealing with so much that I've lost track of what it feels like to be myself. My life has been taken over from the consistent stress of dealing with being and adult and of keeping myself up to the standards of those I want to help me. Basically, I'm living with the person I'm dating and I dont want to go back to living with my parents because my Dad is verbally and physically abusive and has been all my life. I've made amends with my family after deciding to leave home a few days after turning 18 but that was just recently.

They say I can come home instead of staying at other people's houses but I really do not want to go back. My situation that I just ended was a big contribution to why I feel this way. A "friend" of mine ruined my name to all the people I respected because I fell in love with his ex and he felt betrayed. But I dont care about him whatsoever which is why I told him to never talk to me again and to stay out of my life. The real problem is that he's told people that I was untrustworthy and that I'm overall a bad person and they believe him instead of me based on who I am, which is a person who never let people dictate how he acts because the only true way to live is to be true to yourself. So me acting out of my own character rates me the bad guy and him a poor victim. So I have no one to look to for help but my friends who are about as helpless as I am. I wake up everyday to people I have to act a certain way around just so I dont have to return to a place pack filled with horrible memories..

Dealing with all this has made me feel like I am just the being made of my actions, thats really badly phrased but I just feel like

Aspirations gone
True emotions gone

I dont even know what I want to do with my life anymore and worst of all is my girlfriend starting crying in front of me do to stress and I sat their emotionless. I've never been one to be some emo hardass but at that moment while I was patting her on the back and hugging her, I legit felt nothing at all.

To sum it all up, if you've ever gotten that feeling where if you just suddenly died and nothing in your area of influence would change then you know how I feel right now and have felt for a really long time now. I just want myself back.

Look, related to ur Friends, if ur Friends have not feeling of helping u, u should ignore them
Talking about ur 'friend',that one who acted childish, u should ignore him and all the people who believes on him,cause if they believe on him,but not on u, those person are not more tan nasty shitty people,that is why u should, no,u must forget about them, delete them from ur life,cause they are that type of shitty people who only believes the rumors and not the people,ok?

And in the case of ur gf, if u dont feel anything until today and u dont feel u wanna stay with her all the time,or in other words,if u dont feel that u need her, and u notice that she doesnt need u, u two should break,cause if that is the case, u two arent in love,and live with a person u dont love or u dont wanna have at least as friend is waste of time .

What do you like to do? U should get out or stay alone and do the things u like! Forget about all te people that make ya feel like that, u need to feel happy and smile!
And doing that, Im sure u will find an aspiration that will make ya feel hyped!!

Maybe, if u dont have any friend that will always help ya, u would feel of course kinda lonely, but i think, is better stay lonely and away from the shitty people, and live!

If ya wanna talk to me ,my dollars Gmail is this one :
alsakon.dollars@gmail.com

I hope u do what I have said ya rn,hm?