From the title alone. I am sure you can guess what my current situation is. While my parents haven't been together in the last 10 years, because of money problems, they haven't be able to divorce since they. But my father now lives out of state and it is clear that my mother resents him. She makes his hatred for him known as every time she dares to mention him to me, she ends up ranting.

When he is mentioned, I feel as if I see a whole new side of my mother and I hate it. She tells me just how much of a deadbeat he is, how if she could, she would strangle him. How much of an asshole he is. The list goes on and on. With each bad word my mom throws at my dad, I can feel my heart drop. It hurts, and I know a decision will have to be made. But it's something I don't ever want to do. Even if he hasn't been in my life a lot, my dad is still family and I still love him. Even if he does tend to make false promises.

Today, while my mom and I were driving back to our house from a short shopping trip. She started the conversation with "I am thinking of changing my last name..." I don't that big of a deal with my parents divorcing. I want them both happy. What really gets me is when she talks bad about him. After a short rant, my mom gets back on track and explains what she meant. She wants to switch back to her maiden name, get my dad to send the papers. In between, she attempts to slip in that my father may get arrested in the process. Before complaining about the money it costed to get the police into their problems. To be honest, I am stunned. I never knew it had gotten to such a point where the LAW was needed. When I ask for my details, she hesitant to tell me the truth.

For the last two years my father hasn't been paying child support, he has been dodging and evading the law and won't send the divorce papers. My mom tells me that soon, she will get the government involved and that my dad will be in jail for at least a month.

I can feel my heart breaking and even know as I type this out, I can feel my heart breaking again. I have tried so many times to try and type out my situation to you guys. You are the only people in my life who I may have the chance to discuss this with. I feel like I can burden you with my problems...

The choice I feel as if I have to make is if my father should go to jail.

Today, I managed to change her mind after almost crying in the car. I am the type of person who doesn't cry unless I am feel an extreme negative emotion. I haven't cried since early last year. But I am scared, I am confused and I am stressed. I just want my family to be happy and that is all I hoped for the last 10 years.

I could really use some advice right about now. I don't know what I should do... I just want everyone to be happy

You must be going through so much right now, and I'm glad that you are able to share this with us and ask for our help. You must be a very strong person.

I know it can be very hard to see your father go to jail, but I do think it is for the best for your mother to get the government involved. Whatever problems between your parents has to be dealt with before both of them can move on, and it seems like your father is just running away and avoiding the situation. He's avoiding the law, avoiding paying child support, and not sending the divorce papers. Getting the government involved will hopefully at least start solving some issues, and hopefully they can help cleanly break off your parents marriage.

I feel that once your parents can break off all ties, they can finally start living their own lives and especially for your mother, hopefully she can let go of her hate. When my parents got divorced, I think it was for the best for both of them, and they both stopped bickering about each other as they no longer had to deal with each other. And I think that all in all, both my parents ended up stopping hating each other.

I know it's going to be very saddening and rough, but if your dad is not going to help deal with the clear problem that is your parents failed relationship, I think your mom has the right idea to just deal with it herself and get the government involved. But that's just my opinion.

I think the best thing you could do is helping your mom and your dad with just little things or anything you can think of. Just talking to them, or comforting them through this hard time could help cheer them up. Or you could helpt them with small things like just house chores for your mom.

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck.

>>2
I know that it's probably in everyone's best interest that the government gets invoked but I would feel guilty if my father was put into jail because I feel like it's my fault that they are even in such a situation to start with. Plus, I feel that my father doesn't make enough money and that him doing time would only make it harder for him to find a proper job aftermath.

But you are probably right, my mom probably does have the right idea. She always seems to know how to do things and despite our struggles she has always done her best for me. I think my dad is attempting to hold their failing marriage together by not sending the papers but I think getting the government into the problem may solve some things.

Thank you for your advice, it really means a lot to me. I guess for now, I won't try to intervene and let it take its course.

I don't think that you should feel guilty for your parent's failed relationship. It is true that having a child will put a strain on a marriage, but they're the ones who chose to have you. You did not decided to make them your parents.

And it will be hard to see if your dad is sent to jail, and it is truly unfortunate, but this is something that has to be dealt with eventually.

I'm not sure what your situation is/how old you are, but I assume you are going to school. Have you perhaps thought of getting a part time job? It could help your parents' financial situation. It will be busy if you are going to school and working at the same time, but might be something to think about if you haven't already.

>>4 "Counselor" is spelled with one L