As the title implies, I am depressed. The only fucking reason for me to go on is that one girl that will never love me back, and i am still fucking stupid enough to fight to no end, and every time i think i did some sort of fucking progress, a day later everything is back to normal. She even said she loves me, just not nearly as much as i do, and we probably won't get anywhere. But that is the one thing that keeps me going. If i lose her, in any way, i have legitimately no reason to go on with life, and i am afraid of the thoughts i might get when shit might go down... I start feeling anxious and sad for no fucking reason almost every day now, and it's slowly driving me insane... I don't even expect any help or solution, because the only thing i could do would be abandoning her, which i can't bring myself to... I just want to find a way to deal with my inner agony...

I've been there, too. Not as bad as what you're going through tho, but I've gone through the motions. Sadness, anxiety, other shit that people with depression feel, and it just goes in a cycle. Have you sought professional help? Told your family and/or friends about it? One of the (many) things that can help you deal with what you're going through is talking about it. If it doesn't help much, just do things that'll make you happy. :)

I talked about it with friends, but they don't know how to fix it or what i should do either... My family... Well, my mother and i are not really close for a lot of reasons, my father and i didn't speak for about a year now, and my grandparents (with which i currently live) could pretty much die any day, and my grandma doesn't even remember what we talked about yesterday for example. It's just overall dark and cold... Sorry that you went through the same shit, but i am also glad that you know how i feel.

I even talked about me being scared with her once. She just said that it's all bullshit and i think and worry way too much, and she is probably right. I just can't stop feeling that way... I considered professional help, but i am scared that i will just get to the point of what i concluded already, that i would have to let go, which i cant... I also try doing shit that makes me happy, but it doesn't manage to make me happy anymore, which is what got me to ask for opinions here... And thanks for caring...

fucking die fag

>>4 That actually made me giggle a bit. Thanks.

I also went through depression, but I am slowly putting it to an end.
The first thing to do when you're feeling depressed for no apparent reason, is to look for the reason.
My reason was that I had friends who didn't treat me well, but I couldn't bring myself to leave them because we had been together throughout all these years. I also still had strong feelings for my (cheater..) ex-boyfriend.
So, I decided to take it slowly. I still spent a lot of time with my usual "friends", but I also learned to talk to other people, even if the conversation didn't mean anything, or if I didn't plan on developing a relationship with them. At the same time, I spent more time alone, and less with my friends, who made me feel alone, even when I was with them. This gave me more time for personal development. After a lot of researching, thinking, crying, inner-exploring... I figured out what I wanted to do as a career, which was already a big step for me. It gave me a reason to think that my life mattered, even if it didn't matter to other people. I also gradually forgot about the person I loved. Slowly, I spent more and more time alone, and now, I don't even say hi to the people I used to hang out with. It might sound bad, but actually, making myself a clean slate also had some positive effects: among the people who used to be my friends, some came to talk to me, of their own free will. The others just ignore me, as if we had never known each other. Now I know who really cares about me. It also gave me room to build new, more healthy relationships. I don't give in to people as easily as before, and as a result, the people close to me, I can really trust. However, that trust isn't definite, I am still building upon it, and at the same time, I am slowly building on my own self-confidence. It is important to realise that getting rid of depression takes time, and that there will always be crumbs of it inside you for the rest of your life.
But, as I said, there are some positive things about having been through depression. In the end, you know yourself better, after all that pondering you go through. You can also understand other people, better. And most importantly, I'm not as sensitive as before. I mean, I once wanted to kill myself, and nothing in life is worse than death, since death is the end of life. So, I've decided to live, and see what the world has to offer, without being afraid of failing, because I know that I can always get back up. You can, too.
Although, your situation is indeed different from mine, I hope my story helped you in some way. But do realise that it takes time to get out of the state that you are currently in. It personally took me three years, and I'm still not done getting over it. At least, when I look at my ex, I don't feel anything for him, because with time, he has changed so much, and I have changed so much, and we simply don't go together at all; we don't even match as friends.
So, in my opinion, you can go about your current problem like this: first, go tell that girl that if she loves you even one bit, she should start dating you, because once you two start dating, she won't regret it, because you're going to make her fall madly in love for you ~ If she refuses to even give you a chance, then you should slowly move away from her, because that means she never even intended on loving you like you love her. If she did, she'll realise she made a mistake, and eventually come back to you. If she didn't, then it's all for the best that you distance yourself from her. I think that the relationship you two currently have is toxic for you, whether you like it or not, and it has to change. At the moment, you may think you can't live without her, but then, you realise you can, and that only makes you stronger.

Of course, feel free to ignore this comment. I'm only voicing out thoughts that normally no one would hear. : )

Hmm If you don't mind I'll to give some advice. I don't know if they'll help but they might be an option for you.

First, there is, even if it is scary for one, nothing wrong with seeking professional help because, if you find the right counselor/therapist, he will make suggestions on how you could handle things better to ease the agony a bit, but there are some things that you can do by yourself or with close people.

I don't know if It is your thing but if everything around me seems dark and I feel like I need a break I take a walk in nature, take deep breaths and try to concentrate on what is around me like the sound of singing birds and rustling leaves, my own footsteps and so on. You could go jogging if you like because staying active gives the body a natural endorphin high. It might help you to rise your motivation a bit to do other activities. You could also try another hobby (alone or with someone you like) to break out of your everyday life. If there is something you're good at (and like) try to keep at it. Try to define yourself by your whole personality (don’t focus on your negative thoughts too much when you do it please) like your own ideals, values, hobbies, likes and dislikes etc, and see people in your life as a big part of the journey called life but not as the only meaning to it if you know what I'm trying to say. English isn't my first language so I hope I’ able to bring my point across somehow :)

Try to keep some general routine of basic stuff like work/homework, eating enough, sleeping for at least 6 hours, taking care of ones hygiene and overall stuff to take care of yourself even if you are emotional so drained that you don't feel like doing any of it. I know it’s hard from time to time and sometimes even crawling out of bad seems like hell but please look after yourself and stay safe.

Oh ab don’t give a fuck about that user, he probably just has to push his little ego by writing “bad ass” stuff on the internet ; )

Well… I hope I could help you somehow… I know it’s not much I can do so please take care. If you feel like talking you can always do it here : )

a wise man once said ...
...there are many fish in the sea

>>8 That's not a big help... Even though you mean well. So thank you ^^

>>7 and especially >>6 help a lot. I think it might take me some time to do something though, but I at least know some things that I can do, and that I can do something at all, and knowing that makes me feel a whole lot better by itself already. Thank you all a lot :)

Soo, it all went wrong today, i pretty much lost her, and i have zero reason to live on. I'll try to go on, but i literally dont know why i should. Thanks for your kindness along the way anyways, you might not hear from me again...

Look Anonymous... I know it how it feels to be like... completely desperate... belive me, I do. But your friends seem to care about you a lot, even if they do not know what to do right now and im pretty sure that your grandparents care a lot as well. The thing about suicide is that it just spreads the pain and affects the people who care and you have people around you to whom you mean a lot.
If you have a friend who understands being in your position and had difficulties try to talk it through with him. If you don't then talk to a close friend and don't sugarcoat anything. Be open about your feelings. Maybe you could visite a professional together with your friend, if you don't want to go alone.

When you feel like you can't handle some thoughs try to distracht yourself with something. Let it be a videogame (maybe while having a skypecall with someone you like to talk a little and hear his voice) Or a funny book. Also write a list with things to do each day. It helped me at least so it might be wort a try. If it gets close you can always call 911 or your local suicide prevention hotline to talk and get help. I truly belive that you are a nice guy and a very strong person. Stronger then you might think you are. And remember that there are always people there for you. We care about you as well and I'd like to hear from you again anonymous. If you feel like it here are always people who want to help you to get better. I wish you a lot of strengh, I wholeheartly belive in you

Hugs

Your _Lighter_

So you see,saying that a girl is the only thing that makes you go on and if she left you,you will have no reason to live anymore is stupid in my opinion,no offence intended.
Sorry if that was harsh.
Everyone feel that kind of depression in their life at least once,you might feel useless,sad for no reason,or you would say their is no point in life,what's the meaning of anything, what's the point? You will say inhave no reason to live and you will cling to one thing,and if that thing is gone you would feel empty,pointless and would get suicidal thought.
But you don't need a reason to live,you just live, and you will find it later.
Life has more things to it,you just need to go out,experience different things,and try new thing.
You don't need to visit experts,doctors or whatever they call them. Since your problem has an easy solution. No one can tell you how to get rid of that depression, you're the only one who's able to get your self out of it.
"laugh and life will laugh back at you" is what they say,it may sound cliché but try to be optimistic,yoy won't get rid of this depression at once of course you need to be patient with life and wait. People who wait patiently will eventually get rewarded.
My point is try to not think a lot about this. Go out and try new thing. Be patient cause good things doesn't happen righf away for most of people.
I don't know if this helped you but i hope it did even if it's little

Laugh to life,and life will Laugh with you"* sorry for the typo XD