See, right now I want to be somewhere I’m not choking to get my thoughts into words, and not terrified of dying or falling or losing—what? I don’t know. Losing something. It’s driving me—mad. It’s like I’ve lived my whole life dancing about the edge of a cliff, not ever knowing the cliff was there, but now—now I all I can see is the cliff and the chasm it precedes, you know? It’s like I feel every breath and every heart beat and both of them feel spectacularly off-rhythm and unnatural and weak. See, I feel like I’m on the verge of dying, perpetually. Like lying awake, covered in a nervous sweat because you know, inevitably you will fall asleep, awaking to a nightmare. Or like sitting on a bench, rubbing the salty moisture off your palms onto you thighs, because you know someone will ask you to stand up, to leave, eventually. I’m not sure. It’s just this imminent feeling I have. I’m probably just being melodramatic. It’s probably just self-inflicted bullshit, but I’m not sure.

Why exactly are you writing this? I don't mean this in a mean or offensive manner btw, I'm just sort of... curious I suppose? Did you simply want to vent your thoughts or are you looking for some sort of affirmation from people to continue on living?

I was just trying to describe how I feel and just was looking if anyone felt the same or had any comment or idea to add.