Hello, everyone. It's been a long time since I've posted anything on the Dollars, but I'm having a problem right now and I don't know what to do. I keep getting random fits of sadness, anger, irritation, and emotionlessness. I sit there for hours trying to remember what if felt like when I laughed earlier that day or what being happy earlier felt like. I get up, have good times, get home, and feel like crying myself into a corner. One of the triggers for these moods I've actually pinned down is loneliness. This is where my title comes in... I'm old enough to drive, but I'm really terrified of actually doing so. After school every day, my mother is the one to pick me up, though she works every day and even now I'm sitting here over an hour after school's ended waiting for a way to get home. I know it's not her fault, that she has to work and that I shouldn't be a big baby about this, but for some reason I can't avoid getting lonely, and therefore angry, sad, or completely emotionless, waiting for her to show up.
Then, after she finally shows up, something is always wrong after a day at work. She's either quietly angry or very loudly expressing her hatred for idiots. My mother is oppressive and I've been honestly scared of her for a while now, which is why any sort of professional help is impossible for me. She HATES most kinds of psychologists and therapists, and even if I wanted to talk to someone, she would completely shoot me down. This is my last resort, and I really need some actual advice on this. Please, and thank you in advance.

Are you not able to take a bus home from school? Also, schools will usually have a therapist/counsellor that you can talk to and you don't have to tell your parents. Does your school not have something like that?

Are you lonely during school also? Do you not have many friends at school? The reason I ask is that it seems strange that you'd be so upset just from waiting for your mom to pick you up, so is there something else? If you're waiting "over an hour after school's ended" for your mom, I assume then that you're not waiting for longer than two hours. Which is a pretty long wait still just to go home, but is really not all that much time you're spending alone. So its strange to me that you seem to be suggesting that your loneliness is stemming from waiting for your mom to pick you up.

And about your mom, oppressive parents are really not all that uncommon, but they are hurtful nevertheless. So I'd like to ask you in what ways is your mom oppressive? And why are you scared of your mother? What does she do that scares you? Are you scared of her when she rants about idiots? Does she get really angry easily? I she violent perhaps?

If you could answer some of these questions, it might make it easier to give you some advice.

My school does have a busing system, but in my experience,it's usually worse than the waiting. My school does have "counselors", but all they do is make schedules and fix any scheduling mistakes.
I do have "friends" at school, but it's more along the lines of people I've associated with. We chat during the classes together, but then we don't really talk during any other time. I am lonely at other times, but I'm usually able to suppress any other emotions it might bring up unless I'm truly 100% alone, and waiting after school is one of the few times I am completely alone.
My mom is oppressive in a way she doesn't realize is oppressive. She and my dad have a good relationship, so it's not like they fight a lot. She is very set in her ways, and it feels like I can never ask her anything. It's hard to explain, but she mostly feels like a weird entity I must follow and agree with and can never bother. I probably get that feeling because of how irritable she gets at random times. She'll be in a perfectly good mood, but all of a sudden she's unapproachable and angry and trying to pretend she isn't, but I know the slightest thing can set her off completely. It's been a long time since she really went all the way, but she broke her own fingers trying to hit the dog once. I know she's trying hard not to look mad in front of me, but that just makes it scarier.

I can see how you're worried that if you tell your mother about what's going on with you, then that would ultimately be more stress on her with everything that's going on at work with her. My advice would be to get her at a quiet moment (If you can find one that is), and just tell her how you feel and that it genuinely concerns you that you're feeling the way that you are. Even if she's loudly expressing herself, if she loves and cares for you as mothers should, then she will listen to you. I've been to multiple therapists in the past, and most of the time they merely tell me to distract myself. I feel like I want to punch the wall in? Read my favorite manga. I feel like shit over something? Go swimming, watch a movie, do something, anything that would distract myself. Therapy can be good for just talking to someone else who isn't your family, or just feeling like another person is there for you. If you want, my contact information is mischievouslactose@gmail.com. I'm willing to listen, and input if you want. If not, just ignore my post. And I hope that it get's better.

Yeah, okay I can understand why you might be scared if she's trying to punch the dog. That is not exactly what I would consider sane behaviour. But I suppose if she tries to not appear angry in front of you, at least she's making an effort not to upset you.

But anyways, my first suggestion is maybe try joining a school club or sports team if you're not in one already. It's a great way to meet people who have the same interests as you, and they sometimes have after-school activities that will make you less lonely/bored waiting for your mom to pick you up. And also about the bus, I meant like public transit not the school system. And also even the school bussing system, by worse do you mean like it's even slower than waiting for your mom? And the thing is, even if it may be slower, at least you're with other people on the bus.

And secondly, about your mom being oppressive, many parents are way overprotective of their children and unintentionally be quite oppressive. And it doesn't seem like you talk to your mother a lot since you say you can't ask her anything. But I'd suggest maybe just trying to talk to her more often. Just tell her about what you did in school or whatever, just meaningless conversation. Tell her about the funny things that happened in your day. It might cheer her up after work when she's all angry from dealing with all the idiots. And she might start feeling like she can trust you more if you talk to her more and not be so overbearing on what you do.

Also, from my understanding, school counsellors main jobs are to deal with class scheduling for students, but they also function as, well, counsellors. So I'd check that when you're at school.

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck.