It all started new years eve and as the ball dropped in Times square I was watching from my friends house with all my buddies and my younger sister visiting from another state. It was all well and good until one of buddies kept hitting on my sister while he and she was drunk, I interfered was I wrong to do that? Then another friend just as drunk said he liked my sister but he wanted to tell me first he said he'd wouldn't do anything, he does later on and makes out with my sister in the next room. So I decide to take her home because there's too many problems going on involving alcohol. Now I don't know my sister that well, we were separated as kids and just recently met each other a couple years ago. So she starts arguing with me saying I'm not her dad or her older sibling even though I am( she's still drunk mind you) but she started calling me a pussy for never standing up to our mom who abandoned the both of us. I didn't know what to say, I joined the military when I was seventeen to get away from my family drama. But she said I had no backbone because I didn't say anything mean about our mother. Like my sister she only recently got back into our lives but it doesn't change the fact she left us. However I didn't have anything bad to say about my mom because even I don't know her, so what do I do? Do I tell my sister that there's a little part of me that still loves my mom even after she abandoned me and that she should do that same? Or do I tell her I tell her that there are times I don't feel anything after joining the military and never knowing who my mom was either? She told me she hates our mom after this trip because my mom paid for it but she feels like she knows how deceitful she is now. And that if I can't stand up to our mom I'm no better than her. I left three years ago and joined the military I have my own life to deal with my sister tells me she can take care of herself and that she doesn't need anyone in her life including me if I don't tell my mom that she's evil. The problem is I don't, see it that way. I just want to live in peace with my own life, my sister says she knows how the world works but she's only eighteen she hasn't seen the world like I have. I just recently came back home from Iraq and this is what I had to deal with at the start of 2017

You said you didn't have anything too bad to say about your mom because you don't know her that well. Be honest towards your sister, even if she doesn't like it. Maybe think about things that weren't nice of your mom, but also of things where she wasn't "evil". Try to show you sister both sides and explain you standpoint and that you wish to live in peace. I think she is kind of mad at you for "leaving her behind when things got tough" which causes her to be angry at you. I think back than she expected you to be there for her. Now she is more resentful to you because you probably ruined her “fun” and were there for her but not when she actually needed you if you know what I mean. Try to sit down with her and try to start a healthy discussion but expect it to become very emotional. As two adults, I’m sure she wants to be treated like one and strongly believes that she has the “right” to be taken serious now since she is 18, it should be possible to do that. If she isn’t able to do that it’s up to her to handle the situation and you can only try to stay in touch from time to time. Many young people are not very open towards opinions differing from theirs, especially when that person is older. Only time might help those to move on and seeing it all from a different perspective.

Hm Honestly I don't think she sounds like a person who can completely take care of herself. Simply the fact that she isn't careful about her alcohol intake (if she is doing it more often I guess it is her coping mechanism for dark thoughts etc.), believes that she kind of knows everything, has a very judgmental attitude and keeps holding onto grudges doesn’t sound very mature but rather self-destructive to me to be honest. At 18 you are able to see a lot of the world depending on how mature you are, how you deal with certain things and what you've been through in the past but having experienced difficult situations does not give her the right to act like that towards you.

I hope this helps you a little bit. If you have any quastions feel free to ask them.

To be honest, I think your sister's feelings towards your mother is very justifiable. No matter what the situation is, abandoning your children is a pretty ugly thing to do, and is not going to be easily forgiven by most people. It's really going to take a lot of effort from your mother and from your sister to fix the tension in between them. And I think you'll have to let those two work it out on their own; I don't think there is much you can do to help.

However, I think it's great that you don't feel any hatred towards your mom, as anger is really going to bring anything good. And I think you can be honest with your sister if that's how you feel. You're not too afraid to say you hate your mom, you just don't hate your mom.

In terms of looking after her, I think you should try your best to look out for her while still being careful of not being too invasive. She may find you annoying, and she may think she knows how the world works, but that's what teenagers are like. They think they know it all and try to be independent, but often fall flat on their face and are just like kids.

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck.