Do you want someone to talk to?

I know you feel really crummy now, but looking at it from a larger point of view, it's very normal to have fights with family, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. In fact, it is actually a sign of an unhealthy relationship if there are no fights. And you may be thinking that the fights you have with them are especially aggressive, but trust me, unless your fights turn violent, they're almost certainly not any worse than fights other families have.

I think that as long as all of you are able to put in the effort to really work things out, whatever it is that is the problem between all of you can be solved. And if the problems don't end up getting solved, it is what it is. I know it might sound callous to say, but losing a boyfriend is definitely not uncommon and there will always be opportunity to meet new ones. And as for your family, I highly doubt that your family situation is as bad as you may perceive it to be now, as at least you are all still making an effort to spend Christmas together. Trust me, family arguments are super common and nothing to be worried about unless they're becoming verbally or physically abusive. And by verbally abusive, I don't mean just saying mean things in the heat of a fight, but constantly putting each other down.

And lastly, many people have had times where they think that they'd rather be dead, and that's completely normal. Everyone has they're ups and downs in life, and sometimes things don't go your way and you feel crummy. The best you can do is try your hardest to work out the problems you have with your boyfriend and family. Also, a little space from each other isn't a bad idea either just to calm down and catch a little breather.

I hope you take care of yourself, and I wish you the best of luck.