Hi Dollars,

I'm writing here because I truly don't know how else to express my emotions regarding all that has happened this year for me. I need to express myself and to be able to either let go or talk to a group of people who are willing to help.

This year a lot changed. But for the worst. Something that I struggle with a lot is my most recent loss. Her name is Ashlee Marie Finch, she is beautiful, caring , a sweetheart in all sense of the word. She has beautiful blue eyes that are nothing else but magnificent to get lost in, the most cutest /dorkiest smile one can find and a face the looks honest. Her only flaw is that she grew in a sheltered household which means she doesn't get many things that are common place for many of us. It was cute because I was willing to teach her all about life pop culture and just those minor things. We dated for a whole year. It was sweet.

She broke up with me this summer. She told me is because I had no problem swearing. I don't do it often I just don't have a problem with it.

I think there was more and I was shocked when she told me. She was the closest person in my life, we used to spend everyday together and used to tell her everything. When she broke up with me. I begged and begged for her to tell me why. It seemed like something clicked on her where I was no longer loved. I messaged her everyday like we used to do trying to figure out why. She didn't want to break up as she was also in tears.

At some point after 4months of messaging and calling, I consider that she blocked me or that all I wrote didn't matter. I got angry because she went from love to just cold nothing. I didn't consider that we had a problem. I got angry and stated messaging her angrily. Never a good thing.

In the end she was reading a lot of them and she thought that I was being abusive and was going to hurt her, which I would never do. I couldn't hurt her as I've taken care of her when she has been hurt. Her tears have hurt me as much as it hurts her.

One day she broke her toe, it was funny and odd as she broke it with a n empty can of cooking spray. When it happened I was out grabbing coffee with a friend. I haven't seen this friend for a while so it was sort of a coffee date. Ashlee called me in pain crying. I didn't even think it twice, I had to be there for her and I ran towards her place. I stayed with her the rest of the day. Made some pancakes with the friend I was suppose to have coffee with and I grabbed a bucket full of ice. We saw movies till her mom picked her up for break. I hugged her and hold her while she was in pain.


I would never hurt her. I was angry because of broken promise and I scared her away. I scare her so much that she told our pastor that she was concerned and I was told I was never to contact Her. I know it got blown out of proportion, I miss her so much and I know we love each other. I know there is something going on that I am unaware and it is not another boy. Know that for a fact.

It has destroyed me and on this Christmas I feel like I miss her a lot more since we spend two Christmas together.

I would love to be able for her to know how I am feeling for maybe to be healing for maybe a miracle can happen just like in the movies. All of this happened and I don't know how I can fix It. The only thing I did wrong was get angry for being dumped and the dishonesty of it. And the broken promises.

Idk dollars , I wish for healing, I wish to be able to love the girl I love. To be able to seek forgiveness cause I am willing to forgive because love does that.

I just can wish and wish but at this point even wishing makes me depressed.

Hello.

First of all, I don't think it's wise for you to mention her full name here.

Second of all, I wouldn't say I understand your feelings, but I'm pretty close. I broke up just recently, too. We were also very close; my ex told me things he would never tell anyone alive. And at some point, I think I did share myself with him too. I can feel my ex being emotionally depended to me, very, and it weighed me. So much.

Of course there were also things regarding his personality that always clashed with mine, and things he did that never left me.

So I left him. I broke us up. He asked me for reasons, begged me not to go, he denied my reasons ... nevertheless, we broke up. We were unbreakable until we weren't, I guess.

From your post it sounded like you see no reason for breaking up, but she does. She sees it. Otherwise, she wouldn't have broken you up. I expected you guys are adults and are able to make conscious choices. If she truly cares for you, she mustn't have broke you up for meaningless reasons. At the moment, I suggest you give her space until things cool down before you talk about it again. You must respect her choice and opinion.

>>2 Thank you Ringtone for responding.

I know that she sees her mistakes as huge, she used to talk about she not being ready for a relationship because of her own imperfections. She is a perfectionist so all the small things bothered her. I don't care about her imperfections even if I laughed about them.

I know I have to respect her choice. Ringtone I can't say that I do and it is not because I am being evil or petty. The choice has hurt me for months. I didn't start a relationship with her and maintained it for all that time because I was that insecure ,she had a charm that I truly saw. Even when she made mistakes which she made many. I never thought of breaking up because we are human, right?

No matter who we date we will find flaws worth of breaking up for. You and me and the whole Dollars just suck because we are people and our flaws are huge. Being loving through it all its hard and it takes practice, it takes to be humble and it takes authentic love.

I find it nice the the Dollars provided a service were I can talk to someone like you who is on the other side of this situation. It's like I'm talking to the idea of her.

I know it sounds weird but these inverted roles gives me a sense of talking to someone who not only can give me insight but also practice. It feels like a conversation that I need. Since me and Ash are not talking anymore. So thank you for your response.

We are adults, she graduated, I still have a year left in College. We are the same age.

Ringtone, the whole dependent thing is not like a person being weak. Dependency is what makes a relationship a relationship. You depend on someone you can count on them. You do know how people talk about two people becoming one. Is not that one has to drag the other like a dog on a leash but it means that both parties are encouraging each other even in though moments.

Wouldn't you love someone to still be kind to you and love you and be present even when you screw up the worst you ever been? Maybe even love you when you are facing loss and depression beyond you ever faced.

It doesn't mean weakness to depend on someone it takes faith to depend on someone because it means crossing a line you would never do.

Ringtone, the thing that affects me is that for me I do only have eyes for her. I knew her so well that I would guess what she thought and I would be right. To this day I still think what she would think. I love her and even though she keeps space because she is insecure and is not willing to face mistakes. Her mistakes. I know this and yet I am willing to love because when I fail unconditional love makes life worth a thing.

I'm a computer programmer and the last thing I want is for input output response from people. Input bad output bad. Human beings are not computers because they have consciousness of value which computers don't. I can't treat someone I love like a computer. I have to hope for better.