Recently everything has been feeling so monotonous. I'm not sure how to change it, I just feel like nothing most of the time. I'm not even sure where to start, what to say or why am I even writing this out here. I just feel like there's nothing I'm excited for anymore, nothing i'm looking forwards to. I feel like this world is boring, this life is boring, I'm boring. I feel like there's no point in even living anymore. I've been told "But you're a lovely person!", or "You have loads of friends, and we all love you!" but to me, for some reason (I'm not sure if I'm selfish or not), but it doesn't change anything. I feel the same way, I feel the same loneliness whether i have loads of friends or not. I've been feeling like im just an empty shell walking around hoping another day will quickly pass by. I've been thinking and trying many times of suicide, but I'm too scared. Therapy has sent me away because they said I got better but I only got worse. I went through a bad phase of drug abuse(from LSD to cocaine) and I simply don't know what to do anymore. I just want something to change. I never feel happy anymore. The only thing I do realise feeling is the anxiety when I start crying and such. I dream of meeting someone and having a film like life, and I just want to be happy. I hear voices. Everyone keeps telling me im an awesome dude, that I'm sweet and good looking but I hate everything about myself. I just feel so awful, and even now I feel like I couldn't write down how I truly felt. I'm sorry for troubling anyone who comes across this.

Ohh I think I know that empty feeling. Kind of like even though the world is coloured, you yourself is black and white. It's almost like you don't feel like you exist. Yep, I know the feeling.
There's an anime called the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Haruhi Suzumiya used to be known as the anime mascot. It's about a girl who loves aliens, espers, time travellers and other stuff. Maybe you should watch it. You may relate. Though you might be confused so search up the chronological order. I'm pretty sure Kissanime.ru has it chronologically. If you decide to watch it that is. ^.^

Hey buddy! Your story is all too familiar and it is a sad that you feel that way about your self!! In my unique situation it took 8 years, 4 countries and hundreds of insane "hobbies" before finding "myself"..
You need to hang in there are keep moving forward!! You are the master of your own destiny!! Only you can find what truly makes you happy!!
And remember. Its ok to be selfish sometimes, but never at the cost of someone else's self respect!!

Hello. I wont say i understand what you're talking about, and im pretty sure i dont. but i do know this: you writing this, posting this, means that you still have a will to live. Hold on to that will. you still want to live.

its okay to feel. its okay to exist. you arent troubling anyone by feeling these things; you have every right to feel.

seek help. professional help is very vital. dont give up. keep fighting. you want to live, and you will.

you are going to be okay.

Thank you everyone for the replies. An update on how things are.
Proffessional help, i have seeked already and got turned away from third party and govermental services saying my case isn't serious enough. I am currently crying at my desk and not sure what to do anymore. I have developed such a bad anxiety that i dont even text anyone anymore, and quite frankly im just lost. I don't know how to know if im feeling happy, or whatever. How do I know? All I feel is anxiety and sadness. I feel like I'm not important to anyone, like I'm an old movie who's everyone had gotten over. I'm always left out and seeing friends go places without me all over on social media makes me cry so much. It hurts me. I have also developed this sense of not trusting anything anyone says, because they could be doing just to not be rude and not actually meaning it.
You're right. I do want to live. I want to be loved, I want to be hugged, I want to experience so many things but as things are now, I wake up, play games until 4am, then sleep until 3 in the afternoon. I haven't eaten for 4 days, and I haven't showered for god knows how long. I am losing motivation to do anything. I don't get excited for anything anymore. Sometimes I wish I got involved in some secret magic war or discovered a super power inside of me that would make something happen but I don't know. I'm just so lonely.

Aw man. I know the feels. Especially during the holidays, and you find out that every single person and friend you know has gone out with another friend at least once and you haven't ever been invited.
Though, if you want that to change, it takes a bit of effort. I am socially awkward to an extent, but I went to my friends messages to say 'hello' every few days. At first NO ONE answered and inside I was like '...ouch'.
But then someone did. Our conversation was very short, but I did say hi the next day. By that time I was super exhausted because thinking of things to say takes all the energy out of me. But at the same time (sentimental alert) I cried because someone had the time to actually say 'hi' to me.

So if you want change, then you need effort. If it's too hard, then I didn't say it was easy. Good luck. =)

SUCKS TO BE U just browse dank memes and all disorders, anxiety, insecurities, depression, sadness and stress will be relieved and u will be living a good life( a great life actually) in no time and i guarantee it. i used to live in a situation just like u. ugly, depressed, unemployed, no talent, no friends, bad grades, no dank memes. then i came across my life saviour, Papa Franku. everything changed immediately. i couldnt believe it, but i felt happiness again. go ahead and try it, also dont worry about the drugs cuz they help

Hey, a little update though I'm not sure why. The thread died out but I'm still here. Kinda. Nothing really changed eversince other than everything becoming worse and stronger. Starting to run out of patience. I've tried doing things, meeting new people, exploring the world and while it gives me a temporary rush, it all just comes back to this. Me in my room alone at night crying. I'm not sure what to do and I don't expect help from anyone but kind of letting it out somewhere is nice. I feel empty but I have this constant feeling that if I wasnt alone everything would be better. Then again, I constantly feel im not good enough and nothing I make is either. Not sure anymore. -OP

My name is Gary, I live with my mother though I am an adult. I know what you're going through, trust me, we have all been there. Before I came to this website I was very depressed and even thinking about suicide. We all care about you here and we are willing to talk if need be! I'm usually on the 18+ chat room on the drrr.com chat, if you ever need to talk, feel free to DM me there!

Hello Buddy , how are you today?

sometimes i just enter this page (and im always here alot) i just look at thread and i help with what i can do as my mood help me tbh but before i start i want you to forgive me for any wrong word or for my grammer (they are kinda suck xD )

let me talk about myself before i give you my advice and i hope i can help you a little ^^

some time ago not far away i had a depression which made me sad and thinking to kill myself many time (but here i am ^^ )i mostly felt bad at night time and tried to avoide it as much as i can but i just failed , i ride my car at 2 am and drive until i get tired i praied , cried , wished , hoped , had faith that i will get better really soon but nothing worked with me tbh so i just felt hopeless , i asked my aunt for help because she is a doctor and she was glad to help but i didnt stick to the dates she gave me to visit her at her house because i felt awkward so i never went to her again after 2 sets , my deppresion got worse with time that i couldn`t feel time anymore tbh i asked for help here and many people helped me and cheered me up ^^

to make the story short , here i am boi, helping people who are just like me once sometime ago , i keep myself head up because i know some day there someone need a help just like you and you are not the only one i helped.

so my advice is keep this experince for good use , mean? , help others who were just like you to stay alive and keep going in life no matter what because they are not alone and there many like them outside.

i hope that i could help even by little , but my help never stop here.

my email to dm me anytime you want to talk (i would really glad to talk to you tbh ^^ or for more advice or for someone to knock some sence in you xD )EasternDollars@gmail.com

wont lie i feel same, we all have different thought ,i think i dont like life much cause i got no one to really do fun stuff with , im really active person , i rather climb a moutain and explore great green forest than play game beside my lazy friend LOL ,

and if it you better , were pretty crappy but in good way

p.s to all good people here, who willing to help ,good on you mate , your all great friends to have. and one of a kind^^

Hey, OP here once again. I'd like to thank everyone who had replied. You're all amazing people and I would like to tell you, you made me cry. I'm sorry that I keep coming back all the time but, i dunno. This is becoming a way to vent I guess. I've started watching Kuzu no Honkai, and it's made me think a lot. I started thinking of my past relationships and man, I cried tons. I went to the doctors where I had an appointment but since I am a stupid fuck I decided to act like its all okay. I regret it so much. Things have been getting significantly worse, friends. Some of my few contacts have already just left and it seems like the others will follow. My urge to end it all is just getting stronger and I don't know how long I can fight it for. My anxiety is so random that it will just trigger when I'm in bed trying to sleep or anytime. I started hearing voices. I can't make out what they say but it's really scary. I can't sleep much anymore either. I'm sorry for constantly moaning. This might be my last ever post, friends. See you.