Hello this is Chikaru ere! Actually I wanna ask you guys smth...I am a hardcore gamer, and I love strategy games and stuff... so yeah sometimes I ask my friends to have a pvp (player vs player). One day I chatted an old friend, more like my ex to have a pvp with me.Tbh we already forgave each other and stuff and we managed to patch things up. But then when I chatted him, I accidentally saw a girl that had the same profile picture as him. Both my ex and the girl were in the picture. It somehow triggered my painful past with my ex. I was confused all of the sudden. I felt as if my head will explode with negative thoughts. I used to shut myself from any emotional attachment but when it comes to my ex, my mind goes awry.I don't understand myself...and also I fear of attachment...whenever I feel comfortable y with a guy, I stepped back and try to think rational. I always force myself with a mindset that, "love will kill me". If I let my emotions gets the best of me,the same bad thing will happen again...I always get this uneasy feelings whenever I saw my ex with a girl,but when we spoke to each other that feeling was gone.

My friend told me to move on and I told my friend that I'll be fine. Tbh I am currently comfortable with a bestfriend of mine. My bestfriend is really caring and all, even my parents agree about me dating my bestfriend lol. But for some reason, I can't emotionally attached with my bestfriend, and yeah I am more to a logical thinker and my bestfriend is the one who would use his feelings more than me. I accidentally hurt him with my blunt statements and logic. Why is he upset? I'm only thinking what's the best for the situation. Whenever he tries to closened the gap between us, I was the one who pushed him away with my bluntness. We're still bestfriend but tbh I don't want to make him upset anymore.I can't and seems to be avoiding emotional attachment with him unconsciously...what the hell is going on with me?

Poor bestfriend.

>>2 Hn?

Maybe you might have felt competitive since he was once yours and now someone else has him.
It's fine not to feel attached to your friends in the romantic way. Maybe you like the way you are together and don't want to change it

This kind of thing is actually extremely normal and many people go through something like this in life.

Firstly, having painful memories of the past is nothing to be worried about. We all think about the past sometimes. And sometimes things trigger us to remember something. Sometimes those memories are good, and sometimes they're bad. Unless it's excessive negative emotions, which it doesn't seem to be, you should not be worried.

With regards to your feeling of emotional detachment from your boyfriend and hurting him, this is also extremely normal, and I'll try to explain it as best as I can. What you seem to be struggling with is the hedgehog's dilemma. The dilemma is that in the cold of winter, hedgehogs want to group together and get close to each other, but they end up pricking and hurting each other with their spines. Just like hedgehogs, people like to get close to each other through friendships, relationships, and etc. But we often end up hurting others or getting hurt ourselves. By opening your heart to others, we give ourselves a chance at experiencing the joy of being accepted and loved by others, but we also risk being hurt by others. I think what's important, is that you understand and realize that it is inevitable that you will get hurt and hurt others in intimate relationships, and to not get hung over on past mistakes. A world without sadness is one without happiness. You cannot have a relationship that is only happy without sad times. By distancing yourself emotionally, you avoid the sadness of being hurt or hurting your boyfriend, but as consequence you also don't experience as much joy from your relationship. Once you can accept that this is a very natural part of relationships, it's up to you to decide if the happiness you gain from forming these relationships is worth the pain that comes along with it.

I wish you the best of luck.

Do you think there was a certain event that made you hesitant to be emotionally attached? And I think there's nothing wrong with you, you just have to understand yourself more and if you want help with that do you think we can somehow contact each other privately?