So... For those of you who aren't familiar with me (I used to be active in the chat under different names but this name is the most common) Things happened to me last September 21. My house burned down and my dad died in the fire. I was in the hospital for two days because of excessive smoke inhalation and second-degree burns. Then, I had to be released because we have to travel around for my Dad's wake.

Things have been happening, which is normal and weird in a sense that I know it's normal but I don't know why it happens.

So, if you guys have played Alice: Madness Returns, I've been having vivid dreams of a Carnival, in autumn, where the only living thing there is a man with a tophat who sometimes has rabbit/cat ears and mans the rollercoaster. IT's not creepy, per se, but it makes me feel so detatched from reality.

Back to reality, I've been experiencing night terrors and those occasional flashes of panic whenever I smell smoke. (I was trapped in the house for twenty or more minutes and I collapsed once and would've died had my mother not returned for me) And while I'm trying to help myself my own way, people have been suggesting that I get counselling for the psychological trauma of me being scared of dying and of fire, which is weird because I'm not really afraid of dying. It's kind of a normal thing for me and fire is good.

But things have been getting rough lately, with me trying to catch up on schoolwork and my family being dicks to me and my mom, so the night terrors have been more frequent and my visits to the carnival less frequent. So right now, I'm not sure whether I should actually go to someone for help (I don't like the idea personally and I might end up maiming someone. I'm not usually violent, but... I don't like talking about the skeletons in the closet.) or continue dealing with my shit on my own. I can still laugh, have fun and all that, but my mind's already dark, and it just got darker. So yeah.

Advice?

If you decide to go the therapy route you first need to make the decision, within yourself, to take the skeletons out of your closet and lay them out for the therapist to see; otherwise its a waste of your time. If you make the decision, you must stick by it and follow through - otherwise your subconscious will become stronger in its attempts to get you to face what it is trying to show you.

That being said; these nightmares and panic attacks, I believe, are your subconscious response to your conscious attitude towards your situation.

In other words, you're not approaching the situation correctly.

Forget everyone else that's involved, and forget how they react to you and to the situation. Forget what they think you should do r what they think is wrong with you. They are biased in their understanding, just as you are, having personal involvement to the current circumstances. This is you're experience; this is an internal issue.

You must focus on your present and to do that, you must accept and adapt. Accept what the universe is trying to teach you, and adapt to the change it has giving you, applying the lesson you learn into your everyday life.

This is your experience, so I cannot say what it is you are meant to learn, but allowing your mind to turn your life into something dark is not the right method.

Your conscious mind is apt to misunderstand foreign experiences, using only what it knows to explain or rationalize your experience.

So the first thing I would advise is to approach the experience with something other than your mind/thoughts to 'narrate' or explain the situation. That could take the mind/thoughts of another individual to be beneficial. It could take a mindful meditation, leading with the heart and soul and following with an open, receptive, observant, non-judgmental mindset.

I will argue that the mind which needs healing, cannot, itself, do the healing - depending on the severity of your situation, another person may be required for success. It depends on how much experience or practice you have had with allowing your heart to give you answers as opposed to allowing your thoughts to define your experience.

hope this helps. if you would like to discuss in further detail privately, you can email me @ omverse.dollars@gmail.com

I want to start by saying that I am impressed by your self-awareness, the way you have been coping up to now and the honesty with which you tackle your issues. My advice is summarized in a few points:

1. I understand your reluctance in getting someone to help you, given your fears and your experience, but I will still strongly recommend you seek some form of counseling, whether it be with a psychiatrist or a professional counselor.

2. You must recognize the fact that health professionals have experience with cases like yours and are usually very knowledgeable in ways to help you teach yourself to manage your terror/panic/hypervigilance and not have those symptoms worsen through stress.

4. One does not need to be afraid of dying to develop the kind of behavior that you are exhibiting. People who have been attacked and robbed in broad daylight sometimes develop panic reactions to the sound of footsteps behind them and get that "out of body" experience you speak of when exposed to reminders of the event.
The experience might not have been life threatening but it does not mean that they will find it easy to control their reactions and just "brush it off."

4. Counseling DOES NOT only involve talking about your problems and all those things you don't like speaking about but ACTUALLY implementing REAL plans to manage them to improve your life. Take it as extra guidance. I believe will benefit you, given your drive to improve your situation.

I am not certain you will take my advice to heart, but no matter your decision, I do hope you a swift recovery and good luck.