My dad is used to a very simple, small, and happy lifestyle and if anything disrupts said lifestyle he gets really angry. For the both of us, this is quite unfortunate because I am known to be rather selfish and disrespectful when I'm angry. I think he loves me, I'm pretty sure, but at the same time I think he hates me. I know that he wants to love me, and he tries his best but I guess that I'm just a terrible person. He hits me often, so does my older sister. They've both slapped me across my face several times. He's strangled me and threatened to kill me. He calls me a demon and abnormal. I can't do anything about any of this. I have nowhere to go. Calling the authorities is completely out of the question. I don't bruise so there would be no evidence, plus I love my family and it's not like anyone else could handle me. I've never shared this with anyone because I thought it might burden them and I felt like I was just asking for attention but being able to post this anonymously really helps me vent. Thank you for listening.

One thing: Dont EVER think of yourself as a terrible person!

Its a common theme in abusive families or relationships that the abused is being told that they are horrible people and should be glad they are at least loved by their family/partner, though beating and strangling you is a funny way of showing that.
If youre being literally strangled and getting death threats by your family then there is NOTHING that you could have possibly done to deserve this. Your only option is to get the fuck out of there by any means necessary. There have to be places to go.
And that noone else could "handle" you is just a lie. Youre a well mannered person, and that you are even able to live through this abus without retaliating in kind is proof that youre a good person and probably easier to handle than average.
Either way, my best tip is to tell people whats happening. Friends, maybe teachers you can trust not to go to your dad behind your back, and find organizations or authorities that can get you out of there, authorities that will help you, not necessarily getting the cops involved which would just get you into more trouble if they dont do anything, but a place you can go where you can feel out your options without any backfire and only have to tell your family youre leaving last minute to minimize repercussions.

The strangling thing was because I almost killed my brother for the third time... And I am a terrible person with loose morals, mostly because I'm uncaring and reckless. Also I may or may not have almost burned down the house more than a couple of times. And another thing I most likely have some sort of mental problem that I would not like to go into detail about. Basically what I'm trying to say is that they are not in the wrong here however they do have a tendency to over react, or they just snapped after dealing with my inhuman nature for 16 years.

Okay, that might need some explanation. How did you almost kill your brother? Was it intentional or just an accident? Was nearly burning down the house intentional or accident? Were either of these being actually close to happening or was it something like leaving the oven on by accident?
Either way, if you really have a mental problem, go to a psychologist. Beating and strangling you will not help that, and if your dad cared enough to think about this he should have understood at least that.
Even if all of this is true and the worst case scenario, it still doesnt justify strangling and abusing you to this degree. For all I know this abuse might be the cause for your mental problems and the things you described.

It does not matter I don't care how evil you believe yourself to be! you do not deserve to be beaten by your family. So you can be selfish and you almost killed your brother a few times! you are better than me (who has done some pretty truly awful stuff) you almost burnt a building down.... fine I burnt 2 of them ok the second one I didn't burn myself I gave someone a note from my recently killed ex-lover(long story I wish not to tell) that resulted in the buildings destruction. my point is you are not the worst person out there and you deserve to be loved.

se fuerte amigo te recomiendo que cambies tu forma de ser y hablar con tus padres intenta ir a un psicologo con t padre son recomendaciones espero y todo mejore te deseo suerte

>>5 they do love me, a lot, sometimes it's actually overwhelming. They're trying to discipline me, I think.

>>4 the killing my brother thing was an accident and only came close to it the first two times, and the fire thing is because I LOVE fire, and I lit an oil drenched napkin just to watch the flames and then I hastily tried to put it out when my parents got home but failed drastically setting the garbage on fire while we were out.

So far concerned I think your still a good person enduring this and still loving your family then your not that selfish, your not even self-centered like anyone who gets scolded by their parents. I guess you should just change for your dad, be the best you can be and never stop loving them

>>8
Telling people to change themselves on anyone's behalf is the absolute worst advice you could give an individual. If at any point you feel like you should change to make someone else happy, disregarding events in which your habits are negatively affecting your surrounding peers, than you're better off losing them.
Nobody should have to change for anyone. We should all be accepted for who we really are- who we want to be.

Agreed with >>9 . Changing for someone else in this manner is just putting on a mask, lying every day. I know what that is like, and its a recipe to making someone unhappy and develop some nice depression and maybe some other things.
Add to that that we are still talking about his father effing STRANGLING him and THREATENING TO KILL HIM, we are basically talking about textbook child abuse.
God knows I have played with fire once or twice in my youth and got scolded for it, but I was always careful in nature so I neither set anything on fire (in fact I was quite familiar with fire due to regular camping trips) or got even remotely close to killing anyone. The kind of punishment OP had to endure is plain unjustified and unjustifiable.
Changing enough to satisfy this type of parents is impossible, he will never stop being the target of their abuse.
Besides, I have a friend who got similarly abused as a child and she has mental issues aplenty because her daily life was literally hell on earth. Anyone who has any chance whatsoever to escape that fate, DO IT. If you dont, youre setting yourself up for hell and you will just blame yourself for not leaving earlier.

>>9 and >>10 he loves his father its natural to care for someone, and therefore loving them makes it obvious that you want that person to be happy even changing yourself anyway lets not turn this thread into a chatroom so don't post anything contradicting this it's his choice after all

>>10 your saying for him to leave and abandon his father that's the same cruelty that he will also inflict to him., i say be their and continue loving your parents when time comes they need you, its foolish to hate your own father the man who married your mom and gave birth to you where's the justice to that. And your answers are all self-centered your only talking about the childs emotion about this what about the parents emotion huh

Hun, you really need to get some attention to this type of problem. Otherwise you could possibly die, and its best to stay living.
You can call for help, and it IS OK, to think for your safety once in a while.

@Unknown: Are you nuts? No really: Are you nuts?
His LIFE is in danger because of his fathers actions. did you even realize that? Even if he doesnt eventually get strangled to death he will likely be scarred for life.
And youre sitting there saying how cruel it would be to his parents if he left? What about the cruelty he is already getting? If his dad is doing this to him, the cruelty of his son leaving him is not only self-inflicted, but also the least he deserves. Any person who sees their offspring as a punching bag doesnt deserve love from that same offspring.
By your logic you place the parents emotional pain of losing a living punching bag over the horror of a hellish and abusive childhood that will either scar him for life or even be potentially life threatening.
So again: Are you nuts?

okay let's clear things up when i said for him to change is his abilities in doing his academics and studies to prove them wrong in calling him an abnormal or a demon of course you should also change your personalities bad habits, and of course there"s nothing wrong with individuality but a bad habit is just something bad, try proving them wrong. And leaving them because they deserve it is wrong, in the end of the story they are after all your parents and is part of your life and cant....no shouldn't be avoided or left. He says he loves his family your asking him to leave his father and live in a broken family. Sure child abuse is wrong but what else can we do try fighting back make him more angry that he really kills you, getting strangled is still wrong, getting threatend is wrong, he has a fault to, his wrong but as i said what can you do best to avoid it but at the point where enter that situation endure it don't fight back let him take out all his anger and say when he calmed down talk to him and fix this problem tell him how you feel make him understand if he refuses to then keep loving him till he feels concious and finally show his humanity, leaving would be running away and eventually you'd regret things having never fix the problem

Sometimes it feels wrong to do what's right. And that is to get out of this hell of abuse and getting help by professionals if working on youself as a person and talking to your familiy doesn't work. Yes, it is a solution that is not easy to pull though but it's better to have a kind of scary ending than sticking in a scary situation with no end in sight.

>>15 Do you know anything about child abuse?
This abuse isnt happening because of a bad habit, bad personality, bad academic grades, or any other conceivable thing OP could have done. Nothing he could do will ever change unless he leaves. This has nothing to do with a bruised ego because of "running away", its survival. If one meets an obstacle that cant be overcome one goes somewhere else.
If he sticks around nothing will change. His dad will stay abusive unless something drastic happens. If he sees his son as a demonic abomination now, it wont change if said demonic abomination says otherwise or shows some good grades and, in lack of a better term, character development. This will only get worse until he is either broken or dead, dont know which would be worse.
Sure, if he leaves, his father will only feel confirmed that his son is a bad person, just this time for leaving him, but at least he wont be able to express that via strangling and death threats anymore.

>>1
I have read your original post and the subsequent replies, and would personally agree with builder396 in >>2.

Through the numerous accidents you mentioned, I think I might have picked up a hinting to some personal issues, possibly in the form of some malaise or unmanaged impulsivity? In any case, I do strongly recommend you seek a counselor, social worker or a health professional (psychiatrist, psychologist or just a general practitioner).

Doing so does not always involve the police and might help you relieve some of your burden. They are trained to deal with situations like yours without necessarily having to confront your family: if they do, it needn't be disruptive. Furthermore, I think you will benefit from having some form of guidance for the other issues you face, since your family obviously cannot do so.

It is immensely important that you do not cease to persevere, to improve yourself, for you own sake. Also, recognize that your love for your family might be strong, but it in no way validates abuse. You caring for them should not stop you for wishing for better. Whether or not anyone else can "handle" you is not the issue: the real problem is whether or not the way you are currently "handled" is really the best way.

I do wish you good luck and hope the posts were helpful.

Not that it matters but I'm a girl and being called a he is kind of uncomfortable due to things that happened in my past. also I'm home schooled so school counselors don't really exist for me, and we're not very well of financially so seeing a professional is not possible. Lastly, I come from an Asian household an I'm first generation american and respect for your elders and proper manners are very highly valued in eastern culture and what is currently happening to me would not be considered "abuse" where my parents grew up.

Im sorry. I know what its like to be misgendered, though for me its a different context (Im transgender).
Anyway. Being home schooled is, in my opinion, a bad idea unless your parents happen to be geniuses, since parents only teach their child what they want them to know, inadvertently giving their opinions off as fact, and in more extreme cases its more akin to brainwashing. In addition it robs you of 90% of the social life others have and you never get to enjoy the microcosm that school is. Just being at school teaches you things noone ever wrote into a curriculum.
My opinion about homeschooling aside, your cultural background may *shift* the boundaries of what may or may not be acceptable, but in this case that "shift" is irrelevant since what you are getting is so much abuse that any culture that even allows it, nevermind setting it as standard, is one not worth living in. Even if your parents received the same treatment, passing it on solves nothing.
And respect in this case is besides the point. Respect is a concept that works both ways. I assume you tried explaining your situation to your parents. If the outcome was that any plead from you was ignored and the abuse continued unchanged or worse, then your parents dont respect you either.
I think what is actually meant by "respect" is obedience, a concept that does indeed work one way and is often achieved by excessive abuse and violence. I recall even a passage from the bible requiring children who dont obey their parents to be stoned, so its not just asian cultures, the bible is just a little bit more accurate in the wording.
Anyway, this goes back to my previous point: You can go two ways now. Either you leave while youre still intact, or stay until youre broken.

>>19 In light of the new information you just provided, here is an alternative response:

Firstly, I recognize that I have absolutely no authority whatsoever to tell you what to do nor judge your parents' decisions for you, but I would still like to suggest that you would benefit from receiving some form of external guidance and that it might not be as impossible as you think to get some form of help at minimal to no cost (see pro bono counselling and online services like 7 cups).

But in any case, I think what many have in mind is that you should limit the time you are exposed to that environment. You don't necessarily have to leave the house permanently to do so. Have you considered getting a job, participating in free technical courses or getting involved in some volunteer work (church or temples, if you family is religious?), for example? If you think your family might reject your proposal, have you tried presenting it as having potentially nice side benefits (experience, bringing home some resource, help build character, etc)?

Your cultural background definitely dictates much of your family's behavior and the values you share. I can see how it presents extra difficulties to the whole situation. But as I pointed out previously, the most essential thing is to figure out if their current "handling/behavior/attitude" is best for you and if there is any way for it to change, even slightly, or to compromise, so to improve the current state of things for everyone.

I frankly do not know if your family would be open enough to the idea of having a civil and rational discussion about your future, but if yes, consider doing so. Tell them that despite your actions, you do care for them and given that you are at your wits' end, you would like to know what you can do to make them see that and change their behavior. Essentially, figure out what they are expecting from you (other than that grand hope of a non-disruptive, perfectly respectful and mindful descendant).

If they are unable/unwilling to speak to you (which wouldn't be surprising, given the Asian customs) or if you think that they are more likely to resort to violence during such an attempt, then I am afraid that "action speaks louder than word" or the path of "wuwei" are the only reasonable options available to you.

I am terribly sorry for the length of my post and any misgendering I might have committed previously, and do wish you good luck, yet again.

Please take care.

>>21 my family is very religious and I already volunteer at my church, however my family very very close to the church, so much so that on our first day back from a two year leave me and my sister were just spotted in the crowd and then called out by the pastor, and the volunteer work is just me and my sister replacing my mother in the children's ministry, so my family is unavoidable, I can't exactly get a job either because I can't drive yet, I'm working on it though. Also we don't really talk about feelings, which is another thing that's present in a lot of Asian households. Thank you for your input!

>>20 I'm homeschooled because of bullying, and please do a little bit more research on homeschooling, I attend California Pacific Charter School, or CALPACS, it is an online school and my parents have almost no say in what I learn, thank you for your opinion, I actually have an essay on that topic that I've been stuck on and that really helped. I have been to public school and it was hell. I really prefer my family over those monsters. I was bullied relentlessly, in kindergarten and first grade I had the Asian bowl cut and looked like a guy, a very feminine guy, and then I grew my hair out but the kids stressed me out so much my that my skin condition worsened to the point where it was everywhere and then people started making fun of me for that. I remember a club that was literally dedicated to hating me. Then I started homeschool, because my teacher gave me detention for not turning in my homework, which was stolen by bullies. I then switched back to public school where I got beat up and verbally assaulted on a regular basis then continued going back and forth between the two. The switching caused a bunch of mix ups in the subjects I had to take, I ended up taking algebra five times, each time getting an a+ because otherwise I am an "embarrassment to the family" (said in super Asian accent). However I did get a c+ in English, but only in public school, and that c+ got be back in homeschool where I joined the NJHS which is just NHS for middle school. I switched to public school for two and a half years, the last one being great, except for the boys, they were too friendly and I'm apparently oblivious. I just started homeschooling this semester for the fifth? time. I forgot what the point of this was.

Everyone who gang up on me has been proven wrong because this is not child abuse pls consider my idea in doing better, bettering yourself to make your father at least bit proud and probably less violent. Though I honestly think your life aint that bad after all the special treatment you recieve all your years in homeschooling maybe they are just worried about you not growing up normally because of the whole homeschooling outcast thing and may end up a sociopath but this information is still to little to give an answer what I just said was a maybe so maybe trying asking your dad to what the problem actually is, talk first before you start war, communication and all that shit a family need to be honest I myself cant tell everything to my parents like how I was continually bullied during grade5 and 6 and tried to endure it alone but those days are gone not to worry Im currently living under the sun

I got bullied a lot at school too, from grades 1 to 9 and 9 1/2 (had to repeat that year). Grade 10 was the first reasonably normal year I had when I switched to a lower tier school (german school system). Im transgender, and that I only found out way after finishing school doesnt mean I wasnt already "weird" back then.
Either way, its still either finding out what standard youre supposed to meet for your parents and if its impossible, or you dont get an answer, meaning that this level of abuse continues, leave. Maybe find some social institution or organization for these kinds of things.

This is straight up child abuse. Nothing more, nothing less. If he ever tries to do something like that again, try to tape it. Then hand it off to the police. Your father IS NOT fit to have children. I hope he gets help.

>>23 thank you I agree.

>>25 I can't and won't do that. He is a good person, and everyone who has ever met him agrees. He always tries to do what's best for us and he tries to make us happy. He just has a temper and he doesn't really know what he's doing because he was raised by his maid who he could boss around. His dad was even more strict than him. Once my dad was beaten so hard that he couldn't walk for three days, and it worked, he never did anything that his father would catch him doing for the rest of his life.

The purpose of raising a child isnt beating obedience into them. That is the worst way ever to raise a child, because it only means you cant or you dont care to explain WHY something is bad to your child. Its the ticket to raise a mindless automaton, but not a human being. (Youre a human being, I just dont get why your dad wants you to be an automaton)
As everyone else said, this is child abuse, nothing more nothing less.

You were beat to love him, I'm in a phychology class and that is a thing. Its not love, its mind controle. look it up, mind controll is where you condition to a certain life style. If you beat a chiled every time they cry, they wont cry. Even if it is the only thing they know. You have too understand that, it sounds like you are mind controlled. + peaple have been known for staying with peaple to torcher for fun just becouse they start to want to be with thier "owners."

Or in short: Stockholm Syndrome.

>>28 It's 'psychology'. Also, it's called Stockholm Syndrome.

He's my dad. He raised me. I get almost anything I want, as long as it's practical, it's not like he'll get me a puppy or something that I already have. It's nor Stockholm syndrome.

i think you should at least tell someone like a teacher or warn them becuase it may not seem bad but it could get worse so I will like to suggest you to be careful and watach your actions you could have something instead of the stockholm sydrome that worse watch for any thing strange.

Akita, she is home schooled, I don't know if theres teachers to speak to but I highly doubt there is. Look, obviously your concerned about this because otherwise you wouldn't have put it on here. We can't tell you what to do but we could help you to be certain about what you do. If you feel like you need to stay with your family or not tell anyone we will not interfere but if you feel like you need to tell someone who can help more than us then we will support you. No matter what you choose we will support you. If not everyone then I certainly will no matter what! :D If you need to talk, just speak to us. we'll all listen/read

thank you for all of your advice and concerns but I really didn't need it. I just posted this to vent and complain about my parents. And the whole "I'm a bad kid" thing was never instilled by my parents. My mom says that I'm a good kid but i just have an attitude. My dad thinks that I have a good heart but a demon is telling me to do bad things, he also thinks that being an introvert or a recluse is not human. The only one who actually puts me down is my older sister but she's going to have a terrible future and end up in a job she hates with terrible kids who hate her so i never really listen to her. Also some of these replies are really offensive! I'm not an idiot! If there was a better way to live I would find a way to live it. I've already turned my scenario around to benefit me more than any other possible outcome. If I play my cards right I can freeload off of them until they marry(idk how to spell English is not my first language, its Taglish) me off, and after that I'll freeload of of my husband, and thats only id i dont become a dictator by then. I DO NOT NEED HELP, but i might need mental help.

Also >>33 Thank you, that is probably the best reply on this thread.