Before anything else, I would like to say that a) I do not consider my behaviour to be self-harm as I am being relatively safe and I'm not hurting myself. b) I am not depressed or suicidal. And c) I consider "pain" to be distinct from "getting hurt."


Okay, I have known for quite a while that I'm not exactly "normal." I recognize that I have some mental health problems, although they are minor enough for me to exist without therapy or medication (so far). I also recognize the fact that I am a sadomasochist, which is probably the most serious mental health issue that I have.

Normally, this poses no real problem for me. I'm still a minor, living with my family, etc. so there's not really any way for me to express myself sexually and no way for my parents to find out that I am a "sexual deviant." Lately, though, my urges to cause pain to myself have been getting worse. Not terribly so, but I'm still worried. I have a fear of my parents and my romantic partner finding out that I'm a freak. I do cut myself and cause other wounds to form, but I don't have the ability to self-inflict the kind of pain I want/need. I used to make all of my wounds on my wrists and hands until my parents started asking questions, so now I stick to less-visible places. Most of the time I feel like I have everything under control, but every once in a while I just have such a strong need that I don't trust myself. I'm kind of worried that I might regret any scars I create later on. At this point in my life, I don't really care, and I like looking damaged and I like the way I look with cuts and I like the way my scars look. I know it sounds disgusting. Maybe it is, I don't know.

It's not that I dislike the way I am, in fact, I'm going through a pretty great period in my life right now. I almost love myself, I just don't really understand how I can possibly like the way that I am.

I guess what I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who has had similar experiences/worries/fears and might have some advice. I can't find any support groups locally or online or anyone who can really relate to me. My friends are supportive, but they're concerned and they don't really get it. I feel like there must be other people out there. Do people not realize that sadism/masochism is not a choice? Do people not realize that it's difficult to live with sometimes?

I'm sorry that this is so long and pointless. Also sorry if anyone's grossed out by this.

bump?

Phew, ok - there's a lot to touch on here. bear with me here, please read all the way through.

The way you feel is perfectly normal so lets consider it less constructive to start slapping labels on it. Everyone has minor mental health issues.

When it comes to inflicting pain on oneself for the purpose of pleasure, that's not exactly abnormal either - while there are differing degrees of pain which one may receive, i'm not sure anyone has had a completely 'pain free' sex life.

The way I see it, if you are comfortable enough to consider yourself a sadomasochist, why are you worried about what it means to be that. Would you consider this a premature diagnosis?

If you were content with this and accepted that part of yourself, it would be a waste of time for you to go cutting yourself and have to hide it. It would be a waste to have a sexual partner and not fulfill your desires, would it not?

I also find it hard to believe that you don't have any control over this appetite of yours; and I also find it foolish that you are merely teasing yourself with small cuts and bruises if you feel that you desire more. You're, seemingly in a deliberate fashion, amplifying your 'issue'

If you can't trust yourself to make the right decision, then you shouldn't be testing the waters, so to speak.

I would argue that this desire/character quark of yours is something you don't understand completely - which is why your quick to hide it and quick to label it an illness. I would also argue that you may even dislike this part of yourself, for fear of what others will think about it; how they will react. What you might lose if you were found out.

I will still more argue that if you are going to be something, then be it. Don't shy away from who you are - that causes more damage than any amount of physical pain you or someone else could inflict on yourself.

Forget what the doctors say, forget what the media says you should be, forget this whole perception of treating this like a problem. You're a human being living out one of an incalculable amount of possibilities - about all you have it terminal uniqueness.

So live your damn life. Let people be afraid. Once you embrace your dark side, you will see how harmonious it actually is with your light side. Yin and Yang, my fellow Dollar. Embrace it!

Maybe start a fight club? i'm not a masochist but my friend and i kinda started a fight club when we were around 13-14 for no other reason then to beat eachother up. it fucking hurt but it was fun. he moved away a few years back and so did i, but he moved closer and now he asked for a rematch, i said yes and we're gonna fight in a couple weeks, come the half term holiday.

Freaking just attend a therapy I'm sure your family would understand and if your partner disgust you then he really ain't the right one for. To gain something which would for you to stop being a sadomasochist you have to take a risk. Don't be afraid to take a step forward

Whoa, this thread is intense.

I have little personal experience with this, but I would say that if someone doesn't accept you for who you are, then they probably aren't worthy of being close to you.

I'm a psychology student, hoping to become a sex therapist. My best friend, if I'm interpreting your post correctly, has similar issues regarding hir sexuality, so I'll share hir story.

"John Smith" came out to me as pansexual (with a preference for masculinity) when ze was 13. When ze was fourteen, ze confessed to me that ze was questioning hir gender identity. About a year later, ze officially identified as pansexual genderfluid. Ze was out and everything was fine. Ze seemed really happy about the way things were going. At this point in the story, we're both 15 and we're at my house, having a sleepover. This is when ze says (or something along the lines of) "I almost killed myself." So of course, fifteen year old me is freaking out thinking what the fuck, is ze still depressed, but then ze says, "I'm not depressed. I think I have a condition." So I took hir hands and I asked hir to explain everything. It was then that I found out that ze had been self-harming since ze was quite young (ze only stopped during the period where ze was very depressed) and had recently started again and on top of that, ze had (this is the part where ze almost died) attempted to choke hirself because ze finds it to be "one of the hottest things" ze can think of. I convinced hir to ask hir parents for a counselor/therapist. Ze has now been "diagnosed" with clinical paraphilia and has a boyfriend who (along with myself) help to make sure that ze does everything safely.

I hope you can relate to that:)

Your post makes me wonder if you are perhaps a bit younger than you let on. And if the reasons you can't hurt yourself the way you need to is not out of refusal to fully give in, or whatever. (Although I'm sure you must be scared.) But more your actual inability to fulfill that desire, or perhaps what you really desire is life-threatening.

I agree with MissingNo. I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but seeing a professional might be the best option for you at this point. You seem to have conflicting feelings.

Stay strong!

Actually, having the day to think about it, i'm a really sadistic person. I think it may be in part due to the fact that i was bullied and got beat up a lot as a kid, so i cant help but feel great when i see someone else in physical pain. but that feeling stops when it comes to the bedroom, it actually makes me feel uncomfortable.
I'm an odd cookie, not because of this, but just in general

We should create an online support group or something. I know it would really help me. Education about how to stay safe is also important and I bet we could help a lot of people.