1 Name: Velvet : 2016-09-10 22:30 ID:/UIi65jQ [Del]
As a human being that identifies as MtF transgender there are alot of singular issues that are hard to deal with so some advice would be appreciated.
I started transitioning 2 weeks after my 21st birthday and now I am finding a slew of individual problems that are becoming harder and harder to deal with.
Self hate comes with the territory and I both get angry at myself and others over this specific issue. Like first of all why am I this way? Couldn't I just not be, that would be great. But I am not. Both self hate for my body and sheer existence surround my birth. As well as sheer jealousy of either CIS women are trans women who transitioned before puberty. The struggle with this is that is creates the overbearing feeling of life being pointless because it is a problem that can't and won't ever be fixed and even if it were it would be too late since I spent statistically 1/5-1/3 of my life male as well as the most important developmental years as such. It creates a feeling of lost and pointless life. Like not growing up as a girl makes making myself into one seem like a pointless effort since I will never be one to begin with.
Another issue that comes with the territory is mood swings, I honestly do not know how to manage them. I went on a tirade last week in an effort to destroy my friendships for reasons I cannot understand. Being such makes me push people away and slowly close friends are distancing themselves from me. Not their fault honestly seeing as they don't want to deal with someone who goes on violent hormonally charged emotional rants.
And finally dealing with toxicity. I can usually shrug off most toxicity but when it comes from someone I know it hurts very deeply. I have a friend who recently started treating me with more malice like saying how ugly or masculine I am or trying to convince me to get off of hormones to even dismissing what I say as not important enough to hear. This friends wasn't like this before and it becomes both hard and shocking to see them take a heelturn in how they treat me. And before you say make new friends, it is hard for trans people to make friends especially in my area. Case and point the guy who threatened to hit me with his car when I was walking down the street. So making new friends is almost certainly out of the question.
I dunno, any thoughts or advice?
2 Name: Mariko : 2016-09-11 01:00 ID:Fvy3vDYK [Del]
I can't say I know anything about what you're going through, and I don't particularly understand. However, I can empathize. I'm sorry the people in your area are such shit-lickers.
I'm thinking that if I were in your situation, I would save up to move away. If you live in the USA: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/20/metro-areas-lgbt-population-_n_6911232.html
You would definitely be able to meet some new friends there. Perhaps make relocating a future goal?
Also, I think it's important to take time to get to know yourself and who you are before concerning yourself too much with others. Think about who you want to be, and who you already are. I have a journal that I write my personal contemplations on. It's okay to go inside your own head for a while and think about the things you like, the things you hate, the things you value most about friends, the things you would like to do, etc.
If you're taking hormone injections, maybe the clinic you receive them from will have more advice about transitioning in other ways apart from the physical, such as mentally and emotionally. They will likely be able to provide you with a reference to a psychiatrist that specializes in trans issues.
Remember to always value yourself. Whatever anyone else says is only up as opinion, not actuality. It's okay to stop caring about what people think of you. You'll be happier for it, and your self-esteem won't have to suffer so much. People think they know you, but they don't. Not really. I see you don't want to let your "friends" go, but if the're treating you like shit, they aren't your friends. I would not keep the man who threatened to run me over around. I would not keep a shitty friend around.
You're also still young. There are a lot of trans-people who have lived all of their lives never getting the opportunity to transition. You still have a chance. Those who were able to transition at a young age are irrelevant to you. Screw them, and focus on yourself and what you can be doing for yourself now and in the future.
