Geez... alright, to get to the point... I'm just extremely pissed off and it doesn't help I've been diagnosed to having depression...

Since the end of the school year, I've been banned from access of my phone, tablet, and internet altogether... Mostly because the friend I thought I knew for about a year or 2 got into a relationship with me... I have a problem with saying no, because I just can't stand with seeing someone getting sad because of me, guilt pretty much. When he tried to get into a sex roleplay with me, I didn't want to go through with it, but again... that inability of saying no. Hell, I've even talked about this to my therapist and she believes me... but my mom just thinks I'm a fucking brat. Now she expects me to delete all my apps on my phone, including games like Pokemon GO and that one cat game. I thought how I'd have to delete one app that I have to talk to my friends from school, then I remembered that my friends just taunt me for doing what I did to get my phone taken away. And plus, it's my first year of highschool this fall, and practices for the swim team have started up, but I was too nervous to go, and my mom again just gets annoyed and pissed off thinking I just didn't want to go because I was "Lazy". And the senior of the swim team has been texting my phone and when I had the chance to use my phone, apparently now they're having a group swim hangout/sleepover. I asked her if I could go and she just said why go if I don't go to the meets, not even knowing I've been nervous this whole time. Not to fucking mention, she has my phone. So how the hell do I know when the meetups are?! It doesn't help that since early June I've known my mom has been cheating on my dad with some guy on Skype. I know because I was on HER phone once and knew for a while she's been calling someone lately once my dad leaves for work. There I saw a text message from the guy saying "Alright Babe. Just wanted to say I love you." When I told my younger sister, she just didn't believe me. And my therapist told me to not tell my dad, so I've been extremely guilty feeling everytime I hear my parents arguing or my dad frustrated because of the lack of money we have now.

I've been taking my medication for my depression all this time, and it just doesn't seem to be working because right now I just want to run away from home... again. Either that or just kill myself... because I am and I have been, since I was merely just 5 years old, tired of living... tired of existing just to end up as everyone's torture toy. I guess this is my last chance for changing my mind... because if I don't end up stabbing myself tonight... I plan to just pack up everything and leave this damned house tomorrow....

Hey!:) I was recently diagnosed with epilepsy (it means I get seizures) and the medication I take for it has a side effect of depression. I think I only feel it subtley sometimes and it makes me feel tired all the time i get it and frustrated too sometimes. There was one time when i was just laying in bed and my mind just went stupid and was all like "The knife's right in the kitchen, it's right there! Nobody needs to know." Do you get thoughts like that too. I've never actually went for it though because I knew it's just my mind trying to mess me up. I did cut myself once in highschool though, but that time I did it for attention... Anyways...

Ummm... Well... Your parents are going through their own thing. It sucks to have this stuff happening around you and it sounds miserable too. But, one thing I learned overtime and sometimes I still forget, is that other people's problems are not my own. I used to stress out about things that I couldn't do anything about. There are things nobody ever wants to let happen in their life. Your own parents mistakes are not yours, your school "friends," don't sound like friends.

When I started highschool I was a loner for the first half year. You wanting to join the swim team sounds like you got something going for you already. The fact that you have a phone before highschool sounds like you have something going for you too. I didn't get a phone with service until near the end of highschool, my senior year. It took me until my last year of highschool too to make two real friends. Sometime after highschool, I started going out with one of them and after one month it was a disaster and we never talked again. People make mistakes. It's hard to say no to things sometimes and it certainly does take effort to. My ex-girlfriend was the one that asked me out too. After week one I knew I wanted out, but it took me an entire month to finally get the words out. It takes courage.


If it was me, well I'm already old enough to leave my parents house now, so I would without a second's notice tell them that they are cheating on eachother. But since you know it's your mom doing it, you should ask her why? Then ask your dad if there's something he dislikes about mom.Ask him if he would cheat on her because of that. Bring these questions up when you're parents are calm or relaxed because doing it when there's fighting is just the same as adding more fuel to the fire.

If your medications aren't working tell your doctor or therapist, whichever one it was, I recommend not giving up. I've never run away from home before, my sister has though. It was because our mom took her phone away. She was gone for a week and my parents were devastated. I recommend trying to talk out things with your parents first instead of just leaving. Or atleast write down for them how their choices are messing you up. It's not your fault. But don't let your emotions get the better of you. Let them be,but don't let them take control no matter how hard it gets.

Hope this helps. :)