This has been running through my head for the past year and I haven't been able to bring myself to do anything about it. I hope that I can get some outside advice for this.

So since 2nd grade I've had a friend named Kelsey.She was a really eccentric and fun girl. There was one downside though- she was violent. I'm not saying that she'd get into fights and hurt people on purpose, it was just that she would hit or kick for fun. You know how a friend can give you a light hit on the shoulder or nudge in the side? It doesn't hurt and its just for fun! But what Kelsey did really hurt. She'd do this often as well, but I still considered her my best friend. We still had fun and played around like normal kids. It wasn't until around 5th or 6th grade when I finally realized this wasn't okay. I had told my mom about it and she said that she noticed whenever Kelsey would come over to play. My mom advised me to just say "Stop please" whenever she hit me. I agreed and next time it happened I tried saying 'stop' but Kelsey didn't listen.

Another year passes, it's 7th grade. Kelsey's hitting is still frequent but it's not as bad seeing as shes matured some. My mom and I had more conversations about it. It came to the point where I'd come home from her house covered in bruises. I was advised to be more stern and stand up for myself. Next time Kelsey hit me I tried my best to be loud and said "Stop!". I got her attention and she'd stop for a bit, but would continue again later as if she'd totally forgotten what I said. My mom began getting fed up with me because I have a hard time standing up for myself.

8th grade comes along. I've grown and so has everyone else. Kelsey is a bit less violent, but began making up for it with being mean. At this point in time I was very self conscious about my small chest. I wasn't completely flat chested, but I was considerably smaller than the rest of my grade. Kelsey and a few of my friends would make fun of me for it, but I'd laugh along thinking it was just simple fun. One day Kelsey had come over to my house to watch movies and such. It was getting dark so I put my pajamas on which were sweats and a tank top. I walk back into the room where we were hanging out in and she gestures to the Victoria's Secret bra I'm wearing and says "You really shouldn't wear actual bras like that, you look really weird- plus they're too big for you." I'm devastated at this. How could the person I'm closest to say something so mean? After I mumble something along the lines of a rebuttal she goes "You should wear those old training bras you used to wear in 6th grade! They look much better on you." I try to refuse but I just give up and put it on. She says "Much better." and the rest of the night was normal.

For a few weeks after the time Kelsey came over I'd gone back to wearing the training bra, believing I looked weird. My mom noticed and I told her what Kelsey had said. She got mad and said that I should wear the Victoria's Secret bras. I slowly started wearing them again. The rest of 8th grade went normally. I found out at the end of the year that Kelsey was going to move far away. My emotions were very confusing at that point. I cried at first of course because she was the closest friend I ever had; we told each other everything and did everything together. Then after a bit of thinking, I thought that maybe it wasn't so bad that she was leaving. I wouldn't have to endure her hitting or mean words anymore.

The day when she left finally came and it was like any other day. Just a few goodbye texts and it was done. Kelsey was out of my life. I was incredibly sad yet incredibly happy. At the time I thought 'of course I'll keep in touch with her, she's practically my sister!' but that never happened. I'm a sophomore in highschool now and I haven't said a single word to her since she left. I feel awful, like I pushed her away. I miss her so much yet I feel like I'll grow to dislike her if she was to come back into my life. I talked to my mom about it and she brought up the point that she hadn't said anything to me the entire time she's been gone. The truth is that she actually has reached out to me once or twice. I remember one night on a break, it was about 9:00 PM and I was playing video games with a bunch of friends when I heard my mom yell at me to come outside. I get up and walk out to the living room to see Kelsey more than happy. She runs up to hug me and by instinct I run up and hug her too. I was more shocked than thrilled to see her. We talk some then I tell her I'm on Discord with a bunch of friends (one of them was an old elementary school friend we both knew, except she hadn't talked to him since he moved away in 4th grade. I just happened to get in contact with him again and now we're really close). Kelsey takes my headset and starts talking to everyone. Our old elementary school friend barely remembers her but Kelsey remembers him completely. They chat some and I have a few laughs. While watching her play the game and talk to everyone I begin feeling really sad. This is the girl I completely ignored for who knows how many months. She took the time to come by my house to say hello after all this time. Finally Kelsey has to leave and we say our goodbyes. I get back on Discord and begin to play the game teary eyed. I couldn't help but cry after that. Kelsey texts me a minute or so later. Its just small talk but eventually she says something like "Send this photo of me to the chat. Tell -old childhood friend- that I'm a lot hotter now! Don't say I told you though!" I immediately think- shes changed. It's slight but I could tell she'd become very confident, but kind of stuck up. I send the photo and tell the chat was Kelsey wanted me to say, and that she wanted me to say it. They all don't care and ignore the photo. Kelsey texts me "What did they say?" And I decided to be honest and said "They kind of ignored it." She then tells me to send more photos of her and to ask them if they thought she was hot. I guessed that she was just fishing for compliments, taking advantage of the fact that I had a lot of male friends. She'd then ask what their response was. This continued on for a while. My friends at first kind of thought she was cute but after she kept sending photos they thought she was kind of snobby. I was honest and told Kelsey what they thought and she just laughed and said "Okay then!" and she stopped. We stopped talking again after that. At that point I wasn't sad anymore, I was just annoyed. Maybe it's for the best I lose connections with her.

Now to present day. I miss her again. I feel regret for not talking to her. Perhaps I could've become confident being around her? I don't know. I posted this to ask- should I start talking to her again? I've been with her almost my whole life and I feel like I should stick with her. Since she left I've had a significant drop in friends. I only have one close friend now. Everyone else I just consider an acquaintance. The other girls who made fun of me for having a small chest, I've long since stopped talking to them. At least I try to. My one close friend still considers them good friends. That's a different story though. Please leave advice if you read all of that. Sorry for writing so much, I felt like I had to give a good backstory so anyone who wanted to help could give the best advice for my situation.

Thank you, Aspen

Really is this a true story, but if so go with what you think is right, but this friend sounds like a renegade and it was smart to keep your mouth shut most of the time and who cares if someone says so n so about you, dont mind them just be yourself but wow you basically told your whole entire problem, I cant do that Im amazed.

Yes. She's a bad person,because of it she might got no friend and feel lonely. So you as her best friend should keep talking to her. Human can change another human,so maybe you can change her to the better person.
That's my opinion,do whatever you want.

@Kida Yes this is all true and thank you for the advice. I've been leaning towards just not talking to her anymore but I wanted to get more opinions and advice before sticking with that since I've only ever talked about this with my mom.

@Hando Yeah she is kind of a bad person but she's not lonely. I sometimes check up on her facebook (which I'm not friends with her on) and she seems really happy at her new school with her new friends and all. Thank you for the reply and advice though, I'll definitely keep it in mind.

You have friends right here you just gotta leave some things alone, I'm pretty sure your friend misses you but just leave it be don't let things like that bother you I don't even have a wide range of friends either, just a couple and The Dollars.

Besides >>4, I can say with certainty that having a lot of friends can sometimes be even lonelier than having just a few. If you have a lot of friends, sometimes, you never get to actually know any of them. There isn't anyone you can really trust with everything. No one you can have much of a serious conversation with.

>>5 I think I might just stick with not saying anything. I hope I can make more friends as the year goes on. My one close friend doesn't go to my school and the ones I talk to over discord are all in Texas so I'm usually alone at school. The girls who made fun of me in middle school go to my school though and keep talking to me, but I have no desire to keep in contact with them. Other than what they said to me in middle school, they've turned out to be mean people in general. My one close friend still considers them friends and hangs out with them which I can't do anything about. I'm not about to force her to stop talking to them, that's terrible. So seeing as she still talks to them, I can't shake them off which kinda sucks. That's a whole other problem I'm dealing with myself though. And agreeing with >>6 as well, not having a lot of friends is great in it's own way. It's just that I have no one to talk to yet at school. Maybe I'm just being sensitive who knows. Nonetheless, thank you again for the reply!

Yea lonelyness is a complex Definition i think if your empty inside then your lonely its a thing evryone may feel different about. But yea anyways Aspen San, Do what you think is right if you want to be friends with Kelsey then so be it, if not then not.take your time and Listen to yourself, meditate, hear music and think, what you want is all in your mind you just need to find it first but well seems i löst myself again and went offtopic a Bit anyways which your the best, ah and what that schoolthing is about i would say just Do your thing be yourself and. Or Do you have troubles there, who knows it might be? Excuse for My grammar, english isnt my native language but it should be understandable anyways ;p

>>8 Thank you for your kinda words ^-^ I'll definitely have to think about all of this more. Also your English is really good for someone who doesn't have it as a first language!

Someone else cant decide what is best for you, especialy not someone who knows you from a few posts, so you should definitely think about it carefully yourself.
However, I still wanna share my opinion. You should contact her. You dont know whether she changed or if it was for better or worse. IMO You cant really lose anything if you contact her, because you can cut the ties very easily again. And simply the fact you miss her even after what she was doing, or maybe even the fact she was doing it in itself, means that you were really good friends. The possible gain outweights the possible risks.

>>1 Wait wait what, lemme get this straight are you that broken, have these friends treated you to a certain degree that you cant ignor much of the situation, so your friend say's you have a small chest you should wear so n so, is what they said that hurtful or you can't really understand the fact you can brush this all off my friends they are annoying but I keep them in check take control of the matter and crush it! Sorry if I sound really harsh its just that I realized something dont take much things to heart, :-)

>>11 Well there were lots of other things that happened other than that which I don't feel like going into detail about. Other than Kelsey, the other friends turned out to be mean in general- I still see them around school sometimes. With Kelsey, she wouldn't stop hurting me so that's obviously a big reason I don't really want to talk to her much anymore. I tried stopping her multiple times but she just wouldn't so I kind of gave up. Since then I have been able to take criticism better though so that's an improvement I suppose.

Sometimes, it doesn't hurt to talk about things that are bothering you, but sometimes, you just need to find good clean ways to solve problems. I know it sounds kinda weird, but I hope it helps.