I am in a situation where I don't feel like I can do much about. There is a person that I have called my friend for 5 years of my life, but I know that is a total lie. And they know it too. They call me friend for completely different reasons. I know this probably doesn't make much sense so I'll try to start from the beginning. Back in the early days when I actually did consider them my friend, we got along well, and not just in front of other people. But then things changed. At first I didn't really get it because I was still youngish at the time. Whenever I seemed to screw up around her, all of a sudden I was shunned and ignored by the people around me. I later discovered that this was because she asked them too. Then, one day, I did something trivial directed at another friend and they forgave me within 30 minutes. Unfortunately, she heard about it and somehow got my entire grade level except for my other friend to ignore me for 3 straight weeks. After that she decided to forgive me for my wrongdoings. And, to be honest, I was so clueless I had actually believed that I had screwed up. I didn't realize how wrong the situation was. More incidents continued and by the time I finally understood that she wasn't really my friend, it was too late. We had a lot of the same friends in common and if I were to break it off with her, it would get them involved. I also know that she would go around and gossip or make things up about me. I remember another incident when one of my closest friends came up to me and asked if I had actually hated them and was only friends with them to make myself look better. I was so confused up until they stated who had told them such. If they did things like that while we were still "friends" if they considered me an enemy, I shudder to think about what would happen to my life. Because honestly, they have such a large part in it. The reason it took me so long to understand that she wasn't actually my friend was because she was one of only 2 friends I had ever had at the time. Now I have a lot more friends, but most of them were introduced to me through her, or have a connection to her. She even knows that I don't consider her my friend for real, but she still calls me one. It isn't for good reason though. It's because I have good grades. Don't get me wrong, her grades are good too so she doesn't need my help with that or anything, but when it comes to group projects we end up working together often because she knows I won't bring her down. I also have been praised for my creativity so she often comes to me asking me to make her something or do something for her. I know that if it weren't for that, she wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. I don't know what to do anymore so I posted this in hopes that a person outside of the situation entirely could bring in some new ideas.

The worst part about it is, if I had never met them, I am pretty sure I could've become them. I used to not really care about other people and I only thought about what I could gain. In fact, when I was youngish, my other friend, the one who forgave me, used to end up in arguments with each other. When it came to that, I am not proud to admit it, but, I did something similar to what my "friend" would later on do to me. I would ignore my basically only friend for a day or two until they would apologize for starting the argument. I probably would have escalated and become more cruel to others if I hadn't met her and felt how bad it is to be ignored and shunned like that. It's weird, but because of her, I finally managed to get my temper more in check and think of others more often before I end up doing something that will hurt them. So idk... that's why I am asking you guys for help. Idk what to do anymore. Not that I ever did.

Ignore her, it doesn't matter if she turns the whole school against you, if your "friends" are that easily fooled by her then they aren't real friends in the first place. If you keep showing her that you are frightened by her then she will only keep on doing it, on the other hand if you show that you don't care she will eventually stop caring or just leave you alone. If this doesn't help or she isn't the type of person to just stop then i suggest to see an adult about this and if the adults don't believe you then gather up a group of kids who have been bullied or spread rumors about by her.

I think things between you and her need to end.

So that her gossip tactic doesn't work, I would spill the situation to a few of your closest friends (just the facts with actual stories and 'proof' persay so that they don't think you're making it up). I would then tell them that you're about to confront her and that if they hear any rumors about you in the coming days, to ask you about them before believing them, because they're just as good as slander.

I would then go and confront her (not telling her that you spoke to your friends first) and tell her that all of this is immature and ridiculous and needs to stop.

If this doesn't work, I'd get an adult involved. Someone who you think will actually be able to help and has power over both of you. When presenting this situation to the adult make sure to convey the seriousness of the situation and how uncomfortable at school it's making you.

When confronting the girl, make sure not to cry or be threatening, but calmly and collectedly tell her you have absolutely had enough of her crap and it's ending now. Be firm.

I would say to do this as soon as possible, because isolating you in fear is exactly what people like her want to do. Even if escaping this prison she put you in is rough at first and hurts a little and is a little scary, at least you'll be out. The other option is staying in that hell until the end of your school career.

Again, this is just what I'd do. You need to make the decision for yourself, but in my opinion, it's better to try to get out of the fire than stand still and burn for sure. You deserve to have a life free of this manipulator.

The thing is though, I am not sure it is completely possible to have a life free from them at the moment. As I said, most of my friends are friends with her too. They know that she can be mean, but they don't know how mean. Whenever I ask them about it in an attempt to complain, they say that she just overreacts sometimes. I don't think they fully understand the situation. I've seen my other friends get into arguments with her before, but she always seemed to restrain herself a bit with them. As for my friends who know she is a jerk, well, they've done their best to distance themselves from her, and I doubt she would care about their existence. I have tried getting an adult involved, but because of the situation they said I should still remain friends with her because if I go against her, my other friends would have to choose between us. As for confronting the girl, I tried that. That confrontation is the reason I know why she keeps me around.

Sorry about that, my last reply didnt post for some reason.
Well, anyway, I want to help because i experienced something similar (not sure if i can be of any help tho), but i have way too many questions that will lead to more questions... So I, if you dont mind, i would rather discuss this in a dollars chatroom. Pick a time when you can be online (preferably between 7am and 10pm gmt, when i wont be sleeping... and dont forget to include a timezone) and ill post the link to the chatroom to this post at that time.

Okay so I am NOT usually a violent person but that girl you speak of, I'd love to beat the shit out of her (I'm so sorry for my swearing but I am really pissed). If I was in your situation, I'd gather all of my current friends who are being influenced and tell them genuinely that I care about them. Explain to them the situation and if they don't believe you (or worse come to dislike you) then they don't deserve you! I know life is hard when you have to be around people who don't like you but I believe it is much better than letting that girl mess up your world like that. If worse comes, I recommend you deal with her straight on (speak to her in her face INFRONT of a crowd so that whatever she says will be heard by others, liars and tricksters will eventually contradict their own words so it's a good back up). Getting advice from your parents will also help a lot. I hope you can fix your friendships up and restore your world!

>>7 Thank you for bothering to bring this discussion into a chatroom. Honestly, it took a lot for me to even post this here on the site, even as an anonymous person. Does 4pm gmt time on the 23rd sound okay with you?

As for >>8, thank you for your suggestions and your helpful intent! I don't know if confronting her in front of a crowd is something I can do though, I feel like that would be humiliating, for both me and her. As for getting advice from my parents, it was one of them who recommended that I still stay friends with the girl.

http://drrr.com/room/?id=MoVwC5x2cD