This may sound strange but I think I have an abnormal problem of wanting everything to have too much meaning. It’s hard to explain so please hear me out first.
I want things to mean so much to me, that I feel like I won’t be able to be satisfied with the kind of things that the world gives me. I don’t just want a friend. I want someone who means so much to me that I can care about. But as a result, it means that I can’t really feel anything for anyone, and every relationship I’ve had seems really shallow and fake. I don’t dislike or hate anyone but just can’t find someone that I will ever be able to care enough about. There’s no point having a pointless relationship, or knowing anyone without it meaning anything. But this makes me feel like I might always be alone if I think this way.
This applies to everything with me really. With a job for example, I can’t just do a normal job for the rest of my life, I need something that will have some kind of purpose and meaning. I try to do things like writing stories, art, music and want to do something like that but have never been satisfied with anything I’ve done. I don’t want to be responsible for creating something that doesn’t have enough meaning and significance. When writing a story I want too much depth and character, and story, but also I want so much in it that they become too big projects that I feel like I’ll never be able to finish on my own. With art I don’t know what to draw, and what I do, even though probably looks decent, doesn’t mean enough to me for me to use.
That part was probably horribly explained, but the point is that I can’t do something that doesn’t mean a significant amount to me. And the things that do, I want them to be really big, and have so much in them that it just feels unrealistic to expect this to be a job, or even be completable because I want it all to be done and finished before I can even consider it releasing it to the outside world. Sigh, I’m so bad at explaining this…
I don’t really know what to do or how to approach life anymore. I feel like I’ve become apathetic as well, and just don’t care about pretty much everything, because there’s just no meaning in it. I know I said this as a curse but to be honest, I don’t see why wanting this much meaning in things could be a bad thing.
I’m so confused. Also, I should mention that I’ve wanted to put a thread on the dollars for a while now but just couldn’t find the words. It won’t mean anything if I just make one mistake, and give the wrong impression or bring significance to something that wasn’t important, or don’t bring enough to something that was. I wanted to make sure that I wrote this all right before posting it, but now I’ve just given up because I really just don’t know how to explain it. So I apologise in advanced if you get the wrong idea. I’ll try to explain it better if there’s anything I messed up.

But does anyone else relate to any of this? Or have anything to say on this topic?
I’m sorry for wasting your time and writing so much, but I want to make sure that I explain this as good as I can. Thanks for reading I guess, even if you don’t have anything to say.

°_° wow uhhh, just try to see things as it is, -_- that didnt make any sense did it?

>>1 We should talk. You and I have similar goals.

>>2 I think it was me trying to do that, that got me to thinking this way. Unless you meant something else...

>>3 How so?

You should look up and read about the INTP personality type. You seem to fit much of its description of how an INTP person would be. I also have a similar line of thinking and I hate it sometimes, but it's normal for INTP's to think like that. INTP's are not a very common personality type but it's there because it's normal. Here's a copy-paste link to a long read about the INTP personality type: https://www.16personalities.com/intp-personality
Hope you can relate to it.

>>5 I relate to some of it but wouldn't fit into this category, or any of the 16 probably. This lack of meaning I have applies to me as well as a person. I don't actually consider myself as a character yet, so the kind of answers to the questions involved I could give multiple different answers and they would all be true in a way. I don't make sense in that regard, because I'm not really anyone, yet.
Did that make sense?

>>4 We both want to do something involving art and stories. That has always been my ambition in life.