I've taken my breaths, I've counted to ten, but it's all still here.
I've tried to keep myself distracted by friends and video games and the internet but my thoughts get the best of me. I've tried to keep it all back and keep it hidden and act like I can do this all on my own, but the truth is obvious.

I need help. I don't know what kind, I don't know what to expect, but I know I need help. I'm terrified to explain what I feel but I've asked some friends and they've all advised the same thing: to seek advice from multiple sources.

I'm depressed. Horribly so. It's not something that's always there, I keep it shut away most of the time, but every time I sit down and close my eyes for a split second, there it is. That looming darkness in my soul that wills me to die. I've found myself thinking about ways I could end my life, and wondering what the world would be like without me.
I haven't found much reason to keep going, and no matter how hard I strain, my efforts always wind up drowning in these unsettling thoughts.
I'll dream about the world around me burning up, the people I love melting away, and I just sit there and stare as hands tear my skin away from my body. I really just don't know what to do about it.

I don't know what I'm asking for, but I really just know I need help. I don't know what you people can do for me, but I'll take any advice I can at this point...

What kind of medication are you taking if any? Right now I'm taking Keppra 750mg twice daily for my Epilepsy (I has seizures) and one of its possible side effects is depression. I literally just got diagnosed last Tuesday and it actually made me feel better knowing that what I had was medically diagnosed. I haven't felt the depression side-effect at all yet (and probably won't), but that maybe because I am just a neutral indifferent person. I'm getting off topic now so I'll stop here.

Anyways, what I'm basically trying to say is to seek medical help and to get a diagnosis of what you have if you haven't already. It actually made me feel better to know what I had after three years of not knowing why I had stutters mid-conversations and why I would blank-out sometimes and forget some important memories in my life. I would actually get angry at myself thinking that I was depressed and didn't care about life anymore. Now that I know what's causing my stuff I feel more at ease. I think you will too once you seek medical help. They are the only ones that can legally diagnose you. There are medications for the depressed and sure, not in all cases will it work. For example: one-third of epileptics have epilepsy that is not treatable because a medication that works for them has yet to be found. I hope everything goes well for you.

I don't really know how I can help you, but if you want to talk my email is Mellodixx@gmail.com
Just message me if you feel like you need someone to talk :3

From what you've written I think you need someone to talk to and to listen to for advice and guidance. Close friends can be a very good solution, especially ones who have overcome similar problems. Listening how others dealt with it can help you with dealing with depression also.

Overall I believe the best thing you can do is to vent and to talk to someone who will listen. I've gone through similar problems when facing depression so if you need to talk and want to let it all out, send me an email at...

victus.dollars@gmail.com