I'm a roleplayer and cosplayer. Though the issue here is roleplaying. I've been roleplaying for about 2 years and I think it's affecting me in real life. Around certain people, depending on their likes, dislikes, personality, and sensitivity to certain subjects I can alter my personality to what they would claim as an ideal friend. This is how I get through life.

I can no longer think as myself. I make myself appear approachable and make friends in seconds... but it's not me who's their friend- it's the alternate personality. I don't like a lot of people. Sometime I sacrifice my time to hang out with the people I hate, and I think it may be affecting my sanity.

I'm currently in a relationship- a pure one it seems. He (a genetically female transgender) has completely fallen in love with the personality I have used around him.... not me. He's never seen me. I truly love him. "I" am a horrible person. But who am "I"? I lost myself among the many personalities I created. "I" can not be found.... maybe I'm just not looking...

Hey there. If you need help, I'd be glad to talk with you about this. Contact me in my email greythorn.dollars@gmail.com or kik me greythorn_

That's exactly whats going on with me. But I'm not 100% sure it will all feel great going down the road but I can only say it will get better.

I was once in your shoes, though I didn't roleplay. Life is not always the most fair thing in the world, I'm sure we all know that. It may not happen to you, but you most certainly have seen it or actually fall witness to it.
Life affected me before years ago, and I dare say that it might still be affecting me. I surround myself with false reality and lies and deception is my one and only shield. I've been doing so ever since my age was a single digit. I've been doing it for so long that I might of forgot who I am and what I really feel. I can relate to you on this part.
If you want to talk about it, heres my contact
Soratsuki.dollars@gmail.com

I could wear a mask right now and fake some words to simply ease your mind but, that wont accomplish a thing not to you nor to me.

So with my true self i will and i can say this,

Ever since i recall myself as a person, as an individual, and the life i live as such, i have gotten used to the shoes your wearing right now, it has been over 12 years, and i am in my twenties, so i can honestly say i regret it...i have lost plenty of time living the way i did and You will certainly regret it as well.

I have worn the smile of the funny guy, just to try to cheer myself out of my daily home problems.
I have worn the heart of a lover as i said too much stuff to the wrong person.
I have taken the roll of the top class student, emerging myself in studies just to be noticeable by some people.

I have not worn shoes, but masks, not just once but plenty of times, disguising myself from the day to day life of that emptiness i felt by roaming around all kinds of people.

I can say i have probably lost myself after a couple of years , but now , i am happy to say that i am trying to change, small things, but they are starting to take major roles into my decisions, i have lost many of my old "friends" but most of them weren't actually around me for who i was.

I guess i have felt like i had to take the roll of the secondary actor on my own life...

I think you should try to say "No" more times, because up until now it seems you stuck to "Yes" either you realized it or not.

It may sound unnecessary and stupid to say this but, judge people, make up you own standard, and reflect on your choices. small things first, try out new stuff.

Now, relationship-wise, i have got not much to say, but from all i have experienced, and from what you saying with ""he has completely fallen in love with the personality i have used around him...not me."" i can only assume you probably did it out of pity for him, when you were trying to support the problems in his life.
If you like him as a friend or even think it is more than that, you should open up to him and as you stood by their side and he may stand by yours as you attempt to find the "I" you have lost.

This is just my opinion but think it through with him alongside you and you might even find he likes your lost "I" even more ^^.

I'm not sure if I'm glad to hear that other people have experienced the same thing as you or I, or saddened by the fact others suffered the same.
As someone who has been dealing with this internal conflict for 9 years and counting, I can say from my experience, which was complete immersion and denial to talk about it, I regret my lack of communication to others about my issue. I'm glad you reached out to ask about it.
Until now, I never spoke about it, afraid of criticism. I wasted mh whole young adult life thinking it was just in my head. Now an adult, I regret it deeply. 9 years of contant questioning was not worth the small amounts of fake happiness that would result from it. Living in a lie. It sucked.
You need to put your foot down and sit at a desk. Write down what YOU are. Who YOU are.
Only YOU know what you like to do to pass time. Favourite movie. Favourite foods. Do you like theme parks? Do you enjoy walking parks?
Find the simple things first and build on it. As a major case of 'losing myself', I can say this was one if the ways to start.
Don't fall backwards on your butt either. Starting over again is hard. So if you are really going to fix what's wrong, start and DO NOT STOP. Another regret. You begin to ware away after a while till nothing is left.
Sorry this seems kind of random and long.
But this is the firsr time I've put this out. I so wish i did this earlier...

I once had an existential crisis.

Then I remembered what I said when I was 6, "I am Me"

>>5 Thank you. I feel more at ease now. I have talked it over with him and he seems accepting. He said he'll love me no matter how I change. I feel I can trust those words. I feel I am slowly finding myself.

Thank you all for your support!!!

You should do acting then. Being able to manipulate your personality is a skill.

But seriously, I can't help you with it. I want to say something that sound so helpful but I won't. If I had multiple personality, I would isolate myself to the world, so I would know what kind of person I'm truly am. But since you're aware that you're a horrible person for not being yourself, maybe you're consciousness is telling you that this person who felt guilty of what he/she is doing, is the real you.