I've moved out a while ago and I want to give up the facade or mask I was wearing that I needed before. My family and I didn't get along at all and have completely different views and beliefs on things so I wasn't able to just simply be me when I lived with them. A lot of it was to do with their religious beliefs which I didn't agree with, and have pretty much completely opposite beliefs, but those details aren't important. I ended up putting on an act and tried to leave those factors aside and not bring them up, just pretending I was the cheerful happy kind of guy who would joke around and stuff but I want to finally get rid of the act. I haven't seen my family in a few months but I still have to see them one last time to get a few things so I just want to get this over with.

What I want is to be free of them, as bad as that sounds. I don't hate them or have any ill will towards them but just have no interest in them. They live in a completely different world to me you could say, and have no interests or anything that would be the same as me. I just don't want to be connected to them anymore because they're too clingy. It's all because of the factor of them being family they won't leave me alone, like it's our job to always see each other or something. It's like having a friend who always wants to hang out with you but you just have no interest in them or their hobbies. It's not bad is it?

I really don't know how I'm supposed to do it, or what I'm supposed to do here. I've been avoiding them and putting it off but I just want closure now so that it's not just lagging at the back of my mind as something I still need to do. I don't even know if they would accept what I said if I tried to explain this to them.

If anyone has any ideas or help then I would really appreciate it. And if what I said didn't make sense then let me know and I can clarify anything. I hope you don't get the wrong impression, but it's kind of a strange scenario to begin with :/

I think I understand what's going on. I've been in a slightly similar situation.
Unfortunately, they're your family and you can't just let them go like that.

As for your beliefs, what you can do depends on what they're like. Can they be accepting? Or would they be completely against anything you say? If you're going to tell them how you feel, say something simple like "I'm sorry. I don't share the same beliefs as you do. I respect your beliefs, but I've grown to form my own opinions and they do not reflect your's." You need to respect what they say as they should for you. You'll have to stay calm and accept their opinions may not become the same as your's. There's also the other option of not bringing it up and just ignoring their beliefs. That's what I have done. It doesn't feel satisfying and it does feel slightly irritating, but if you know that they're going to flip out, that's what you have to do. It sounds a lot worse than it really is. Ignoring it won't make things worse. Their opinions also won't be the only thing you remember of them.
Not getting closure isn't bad as long as you can keep your head high and continue on with life. Getting closure would also be nice knowing you can run off into the world, not holding back what you once hid. Neither choice is wrong. It's all up to you. Good luck!

All I can say is to be you. Whether they accept you or not, thats your choice. Still, you should believe in the stuff you wana believe in and do the things you wana do.

Yeah there's too many factors I presented here so it got a bit confusing. The problem is that they want to see me but I don't want to see them again. They keep messaging me and asking for when I'm free and can meet up but I don't want to waste my time forcing myself to see them for no reason. I guess a good way of saying this is that my family and I live in completely different worlds and have no common interests or anything, so I just have no interest in them.

The thing about me is that I don't like things that don't have a purpose, which is why I am not interested in the factor of family but just if I would have reason to see them and truly feel close to them, which I don't. You don't choose who your family is, so I don't like the idea of just blindly seeing them a lot and thinking that you have to care about them and be close to them for no reason. That just isn't how it should work in my opinion.

I guess I gave the wrong impression before though. The beliefs were just an example of how different we are, I don't need to explain them to them. And I think closure might not have been the right word. There's no bad blood between us, but I just want to officially be separated from them now, because at the moment they still message me and treat me as if I were planning on coming back and seeing them regularly.

One of the things I've always wanted is to be my own person. To start life as an individual rather than having to rely on people that were randomly chosen as my guardians. Now that I'm self sufficient I want everything and everyone to have a purpose. The closest people to me will be the people who I truly care about a lot, and only those kinds of people I will rely on. Now that I'm finally able to start this kind of lifestyle I want to officially disconnect myself from my family as if I was born into this world alone only to rely on myself to start things off. Does that make sense? It probably sounds really bad but I don't want to be a burden on anyone unless they are also a burden on me and we both care about each other and see each other as equals.

I guess you could say that I have strange views and beliefs. Is what I'm saying and trying to do wrong? If so then why? But if it isn't then is there any advice I could get on this? This probably makes no sense to anyone does it?

Oops, sorry for misunderstanding.
Just trying to get a better understanding, do you not feel any attachment to them? Or would you rather just continue without having a connection to them at all?

>>5 Nah, I just explained it poorly. But yeah, like you asked I would say that I don't feel any attachment to them. So I guess the other question is irrelevent then, although it does sound like something I would do.

I guess you could say I'm the kind of person who doesn't get close to people easily, which makes the people I can be close to more special and meaningful to me.

Pretend you're volunteering. There's no reason for YOU to help out in an animal shelter, there's no reason for YOU to accompany lonely elderly people in aged care, there's no reason for YOU to feed homeless people. But just do it for someone else. If you have no attachment to family and they do. Just pretend they're all 3 scenarios mentioned above. If you ever go out of your way to help a stranger and not them, only then would I ever think you're horrible. But if you don't like to help people in general I won't particularly like you but I won't hate you either.

I guess it sort of ached my heart a bit because you reminded me of this story about a man who complained to someone about their elderly father 'wasting his money'. The father recited this beautiful poetry (which I can't find now) and it brought tears to my eyes. He said to the other man who was listening that he (the father) would give up all his earning and day's meal to feed his child even when they were poor. He'd stay up all night and weep for his sick son and did all the best he could to give him life. And he never saw his child as nothing but a gift he wanted to take care of. But now that he has grown old and thin, and his son is in his strong prime days, he's branded a thief for 'wasting his money' when all he ever used it for was to keep him alive and of satisfactory health.

The man who heard this heartfelt poetry wept so immensely that he grabbed the arrogant son by the collar and said more or less that you and everything that you own belongs to your father.

Not everything has a visible purpose. Surely there was no purpose for a parent to raise a child who would only want to disconnect from them and the family in the future.

But I know how you feel, you want to be an individual. I've been wanting to be an individual for around 19 years. My older sister only just became one after 38 years. There are ways to become an individual without having to shove someone in a dusty corner. To become an individual you have to be responsible, and that's the first to being just that. Whether your family is annoying or they're not, whether you have different beliefs or not you've got a responsibility.


Yeah don't expect me to come on a post like this to give you advice, I spit out shit instead in the end.

First off, >>6 is me, I just accidentally used a different name.

>>7 This might be a really good example of how differently I see things to others, because I really didn't understand or find any relevence in most of what you said.

I think the concept of freedom needs to be brought up here, because having responsibilities is like being tied down to something and limited. And before you get the wrong idea I don't mean to have no responsibilities but just the necessary ones, not just creating new ways to tie yourself down for people who don't mean enough to you for that. Only the closest people who mean the most to you have the right to rely on you, and have you rely on them, that's just the way I see it.
But this factor of "being family" really gets in the way and makes things unnecessarily complicated. If you don't have an interest in someone and no reason to hang out with them then don't see them, I think it should be that simple?

I'm not irresponsible, and I don't consider it "shoving them into a dusty corner" but rather just disconnecting from them. They don't need me and I don't need them, we both live in separate worlds and just happened to live together for a while.

I really don't know what else to say, and I guess that no one will be able to give me advice if they disagree with my view on things. I guess it can't be helped though, I guess we'll just let this thread die then if no one else has anything to say.

I'm not quite sure what everyone else is saying, i'd like to read it all but I have trouble seeing when i'm reading a lot of text in that size.

It is a bit sad that you feel that way, but sometimes it just can't be helped. If I were you i'd take some time away. There are plenty of people who aren't close to their family, if you spend enough time away from them you may grow to look fondly upon seeing them every now and then.

Though i can't relate to your particular situation, in my family there a plenty of people that I know i wouldn't be able to put up with if I saw them on a regular basis, but I enjoy seeing them once or twice a year, or just every now and then in passing in public.

I hope that helps, even if it's just a bit :)