Do you ever get the unsettling feeling like something is turning in your chest and it doesn't sit quite right? That's what I've been feeling for the past few weeks and I hate it. It's like there is a ball of unidentified emotions inside of me that's constantly growing and I think it's about to explode.

This has happened before and I lost myself for over half year when the ball exploded. I could only harm myself and others, I could not feel even the slightest hint of love, support or happiness. Staying in the hospital for over a month didn't help much either, it only made me feel paranoid since the nurses were watching everything we did in order to report it to the doctors.

The pills my psychiatrist gave me back then were turning me into a zombie and they didn't really help with my outbursts. I don't want to start all over again but I don't know what else to do. Should I keep trying to surpress it or should I talk to someone?

As dramatic as it sounds, I'm about to break and I don't think I can pick up the pieces this time.

You can /always/ pick up the pieces. You'll live even if you think you're dying. Sometimes you can feel that way and you just need to break your boundaries. Everyone has walls that they contain themselves in. You'll be interested to find that you can surpass way greater than you've ever imagined. Yet still, the appearance of the walls make us feel as if we cannot. Always confide in someone. And stay away from facilities unless absolutely necessary as symptoms for anyone get worse. A lot of times these people want your money, and rarely your sanity.

>>2 That's why I don't trust psychologists and doctors when it comes to mental health but I have no one else to turn to. After last time, I moved to a different city and cut ties with all my childhood friends so no one currently knows what I'm going through and what I'm capable of.

On one side, it's easier for me to remain calm when people aren't constantly worrying about me but then again, no one has my back either. The fact that there is no one to stop me; it kinda scares me.

But thank you for your encouragement.

Sometimes, talking about it can help relieve some stress. It might not go away, but if you get the right support and just keep moving forward, no matter what happens, things will work out.

i don't think you should totally discount the psychologists. i can't say from experience, but they are there to help when typical support systems aren't working. and if you still don't feel comfortable around professionals, maybe you can find a support group?

i just know from experience that it can be sad and really scary to be alone with those feelings

Stick to counselors and psychologists specializing in therapy instead of psychiatrists. They rely too much on drugs.

As a borderline sociopath I`ll just tell you to think. think about whatever you`re having troubles with and make peace with it. I had many problems and was going to pretty much give up on life but i sat one night thinking about life and decided "i`m here so ill just have fun"(i was having an existential life crisis)

and no i am no a druggie or anything i mean fun as in not worry about much

>>7 I know that feeling I went through it too.