I want to die. I really want to die. I'm scared, but I want to die. I can't take this. I'm going crazy. I don't want to be here, I want to bury myself in a novel, manga or anime and pretend like the rest of the world doesn't exist, so I put my alarm at 4AM so that I have time to do that. My mom is having surgery, I am having surgery, I don't belong anywhere - I don't even have a class to be in. Not anymore. The friend I had is cutting now, and my brother won't come out of his room anymore. He's the same as me, I'm worried about him. But I don't think I he wants to die yet.

I go to a school just to be told by the other kids I'm not allowed here, and then dread the time I'm coming home to do everything my parents can't any longer (And I don't have time to do!) while my brother shuts himself in.

I want to die. So badly. I can't do this. I'm stressed out. I can't go outside my house without feeling terribly anxious.
I want to die.

I guess this is for everyone who put post s up like this but don't waste hat little time you have in this life by deciding to kill yourselves. There is always someone out there who can and will look out for you even if you don't believe it. To tell the truth at one point I though I was going to kill myself to, had a plan and everything but, I did not follow through with it because I started thinking about everything that I would miss and I started thinking about how it would impact the few people I did know. I told myself again and again it didn't matter but it did, in the end I stopped and looked for help. You say your anxious to go outside your house, stressed out about the situation you live in, but there is still always something your going to miss if you stay like that. Look for help, talk to someone, we are all like family here in the Dollars and what your saying puts us all on edge because no one wants too lose any family members, we will listen and help you through this if we can its what we do. I'd like to say as a side note "Humans are destructive by nature", but why are we? I think its because other people that see us as different enjoy putting those who hate destruction down to see if we will fall to that standard, we're better than that. So to those people who put you down, screw them and whatever they might say you have a family at your back to help you with whatever you need! Well that's all for me hope your day.... no I hope I just helped you see life is a great thing you shouldn't squander and leave it in the storm that everyone makes. I really do hope this helps.

If you're still there and reading... Can I ask you what the point is of suicide? now is it really going to solve your problem if you rip yourself away from life here? We weren't born alive to end it afterwards. If we were supposed to die then we would've died long ago in whatever circumstance.

It might be hard but you have lived through all these years so why end it now? You can still live, you have the gift of life. Some people wish they had that gift that you are about to throw away now. please re-think don't go through with it, we don't know what tomorrow holds for us.

I have been there. Wanting to die, but don't do it. There's is a lot of stuff that is worth living for. Even though it may seem no one will care, well someone will care. If you're reading this I recommend that there are more resources that will give you better feedback. Go to teen-help.org.

I actually thought this thread would be buried in the heaps of threads there are, but I'm still happy I got a reply. I'm crying right now, because I'm happy I'm on this side right now. I'm entirely new to this site ... It makes me feel like just a thin thread binding me to life, finding something new like this.

I'm still not sure what to do about tonight ... tomorrow, or the day after that or the one after and so on, but for now I feel a little more happy, at least, as I'm reading these. I though if someone would reply, it would be some super mad person bashing at how I feel ... I'm glad it's not.

Everyone's going to die at some point, right? Who cares? I just wanted to vent. I just wanna get it over with soon.

If you hate life right now, I dont blame you. Life has never been fair, especially to those least deserving of it. Just know that there's dollars like me that will help encourage you and help you go through life. Just worry about today, because you can't change the past and the future hasn't happened yet. Hang in there, ok? I know you can make it through this

Bye bye, hope to see you on the other side when I go

I'm sure nobody knows what comes after death. But to me life is like a on and off light switch. Right now if u are reading this its on. When it's on you know that you know your surroundings. If u wanna kill yourself then it's saying that u want the off switch where it's dark and u don't know what's gonna happen. The off switch is where... Who know what happens when the switch goes off, maybe after a few second later a surprise party, could be the scariness of not knowing what to do. So practically I'd rather die knowing all that I could of my surroundings. Life to me really sounds like telling my mom to turn on the lights or sometimes turn them on.

That's why I wanna try to know all of my surroundings as best as possible so that if the light goes off, I'll try to know what to do.
And it really sounds tough on wem, sorry life is a bitch isn't she. Also know that what eucliwood said is true. Almost all of us Dollars would want u to live for us.

Well, W.E.M. this is my personal thought but, I know that there are people including me, who WOULD NOT want you to leave us. Your parents, siblings, pets, relatives, friends and even us strangers in the dollars. I hope you read this, I would like for you to read this, but if you are already gone. May God Bless You. (if you're not christian or are against it. I'm sorry) The dollars are all ways here for you!

Don't you have somethings you want to do?ve
Well you know, Dying is the last thing you'll ever do.
Don't waste something you'll never get back.
You will die in the end anyways, enjoy being alive while you still are. Sign The Grim Ripper

Contact me at 904 415 2731

Look, suicide won't help anything... think about it what would I solve? It would just bring more pain... so don't do it for yourself, and the people you care about

I'm new to the dollars as well, and was also suicidal late last year. I've had some problems that I thought was going to ruin my life, but I waited and it turns out, those problems weren't as bad as I thought they were. Stay strong man. Life will get better.

I don't know what you've been through and I won't compare to you, because pain isn't comparable, but I know the feeling. I also wanted to end my life someday, and there is still a part in me thinking about it.
I seriously don't know how to help you, but I will try by telling you my story. My family is poor, so since i grew up I was living in a damn crazy neighbourhood. Every day I saw miserable lives, girls who have been raped by uncles, dads and strangers, kids doing every kind of stuff you believed to only see in movies, guys with shotguns, Papa Elmo was able to give you what you wanted, every damn kind of drug. But I grew up there and never thought about how miserable their lives were.
My mum always said, that education is key to come out of this hood and I believed her, I studied hard and was the best in my class, but I always knew that i was different from all these kids in school, I came straight out of the ghetto, I heard Rap and HipHop not some mainstream stuff, I had seen things they will maybe never see. I was young and managed things always my way, however I learnt, not by my mother but the bad environment, that if somebody wants to destroy you you have to destroy him first. I think it was clear that someday I've got to have trouble in school, I was the poorest kid, but not dumb. I think I will never forget his name - Noah. He always hated me, but then he started talking shit about my mother and family and I "destroyed" him like I knew it, I beat him up and nearly got kicked out of school. But it changed my life, I started focusing less on education but on my neighbourhood. Only problem here, I was the nerd focusing on school and they started to bully me, but I knew their habits and started to beat everyone up who wanted to fight against me. It went on till I became the leader of a group, gang, call it what you want. We were fighting all day just to feel this amazing rush, the power. I think in some situation back then we could have died but I wasn't fearing death, and you know why? Because I didn't know what to live for, for my mother hating me for what I've become, for the hood which wasn't caring at all, feared us cause we were running around like damn crazy. But I started realizing that our action make no sense. Someday we were hanging around a playground, when Sara's drunken dad came by and tried to take her back home, where he would rape her again. We promised to protect her, but her dad had a shotgun, he was drunken, we were young and I was the first time I saw my boys scared as hell. I don't know if i was scared too, but I can remember my tremendous rage, and I did the only thing I was able to do, I started beating him in the moment he thought he was save. I striked him till he started bleeding all over the face, I broke his teeth and his nose, my hand was bleeding, but I think if Sara wouldn't have stopped me, I would have killed him that day.

I never met again to beat somebody. I think we all realized somehow, that day, that violence is a damn circle and till you don't stop you will never leave him.
I focused on school again, but I wasn't the same person anymore.
I asked myself why I should live any longer, I just had no dream no purpose, I thought about suicide, but the damn day I wanted to kill myself, I got to know the person who changed my life.
Her name was Diane, she worked in a bar just around the corner of my school. I remember it was the 24th July 2011 when i met her for the first time, I was always hanging around in this bar after school and I just wanted to write a letter to my parents and few friends before going to die. I was already going when I recognized her following me, but I said nothing and just went along to a river, sat there and hoped that she would go away, but she sat next to me, telling me that she saw the letter and why I want to die. I told her that I see no reason to live on and that nobody will care if I am away. "I care, I want you to live!" - I will never be able to give you such a feeling by writing about it's but it was deep down from her heart. I do not believe in god, but Diane was like an angel for me, she saved my live, she became my love and she became the reason I lived for. I had never imaged that I will be so lucky and meet a woman like her, but this was the best time of my life.
Nearly three years later she died because of leukemia, she died in my arms. God gave me everything just to take it back a lot too early. I became depressive again, it became a time in my life in which I felt like going through hell. I am still crying sometimes because I miss her that much and somedays I'm speaking with a hallucination of her just to not forget her I think.
Three months after her death of my two best friends died, beaten up by three guys and knocked down by a car when he tried to escape them, and last summer my last best friend died being thrown down a mountain by a bum because of 20$.
Seriously, I don't know why I am still living and haven't killed myself, but I always think somewhere in this world there is a person caring for you, look all these dollars they are caring for you, they believe you are worth it to stay alive.
I think the only reason I am still living is, i always think about Diane, Aron and Ty and their short lives, they would have wanted me to live along, for them and with them bound in my heart but I also know it's a rough time to go through all this shit, and you don't have to go on your own.
If you want to talk just mail me (shoshan.yatogami@gmail.com) or post a thread, but do not end your live, please. For me and all the Dollars.

im not gonna lie this story right here im tearing up right now i can't say anything better then those words right above me but i can say that the pain that you feel what ever it is physical or emotional will heal. not go away, no pain never leaves it stays with you as a reminder of what could have happened as a drive to say "here i am you gonna let me win." but you can't ever let it win not ever you are stronger everyday you live with it and every moment you exist every day where you dont let it beat you that is a victory and people can live on the smallest victories so let everyday be yours and dont let that pain win.

I'm also open to talk if you want my email is asculoofthedollars@gmail.com let me know how i can help and i will do my very best for you