Hi Dollars. I want to die. I'm going to kill myself sooner or later. I've decided to do it in two days. There's a bridge about two miles from my apartment. Nice scenery, beautiful plants, lots of people walking around to see what society and the system has done to an innocent human being, and it's right next to the school that ruined my life. Hey, maybe some of the bullies who helped ruin my life will see my body 4 stories below the bridges support beams! That'd be fucking fantastic XD The school won't do anything, and never has. Now the statute of limitations is forbidding me from suing the school that traumatized me and broke me more than I already was when I got there. Anyway, fuck the rest of the details. I'm here because I would like to know if anybody can provide me with some info.

In case I change my mind but I'm already up on the bridge, or the plan gets botched, or whatever the fuck could happen, I need to know more about mental institutions and psychiatric hospitals, and basically places that deal with mental health crisis'. I've been in therapy since I was 6, and that was over 10 years ago. I've been in therapy and psychiatry every year since. I've never gone more than a month without an appointment with a therapist, psychiatrist, counselor, or professional of any kind. So I get the basic gist of it. I've never been hospitalized, and I've seen a ton of video's, read a ton of blogs and articles, etc etc. I need to know from a person that is responding to me: What are your (the dollars) experiences with mental health crisis' of ANY kind. Not just hospitalization, but that is my primary objective here. Have any of you ever been hospitalized, have you ever tried to commit suicide, what's the aftermath of failing a suicide attempt like, and also what's it like to VOLUNTARILY go to a place that treats mental health crisis' (hospital, ward, ER, clinic, center, or whatever you call it.) And basically just ANY information you can provide in case I'm not dead in two days. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE provide any information! Feel free to share your entire life story even! Just anything at all would be great. Thank you!

<3 Person

First thing first: if you want to die, do it somewhere ppl won't have trouble cleaning up.
Also, an innocent human being is a myth.

It's not much, but it might be the best I can do.

https://youtu.be/WcSUs9iZv-g

If you are being bullied take out the leader/fight back. My dad was bullied multiple times but he did not back down. he told me if i was being bullied then i should fight back and that he will respect you later on/leave you alone. Don't worry about detention or suspension. just deal with the bullies.

Psychiatric help only helps when you allow it to help. However in certain cases it's not exactly a mental issue, but more of a spiritual issue. No no I'm not going to go off on a tangent to 'connect with your inner self' or 'nature' because I think to an extent, you have connected with your inner self which is in severe turmoil.

The reason why psychiatric help/hospital doesn't work for you is because the only thing you lack is spirituality (i.e knowing the capabilities of yourself and your surroundings). Also the fact that if you're trying to recover yourself, why are you going to a place that'll do the opposite? It's a huge hive of negative thoughts and energy. This is physical energy I'm talking about. People can affect each other with this. A hospital can spread diseases faster due to the number of people there sick. A psychiatric hospital does the same where negative emotions and thoughts are channeled to you.

If you need to recover you need to go places with *healing* energy. Unfortunately I can only generically refer you to nature such as lying down near trees or near any body of water with a strong focus towards it. Trees give out oxygen, they also give out that pure energy. Water does the same, it purifies your body physically, it can purify your spirituality as well. Air in itself can be a spiritual cleanser if used correctly, otherwise it can also be used as a source for a raging flame, it's quite double-edged. The support you want can also come from free-willed isolation.

There are also people you can hang around who are mainly referred to as 'crystal children' and they naturally and in bulk give out that same healing energy, just by being near them. I've happen to come across a few and regardless of my mood I can feel my body absorbing something I desperately need.

Rai.dollars@gmail.com

If you need to vent to someone, i'm here to help in any way i can, as well as most of the people on this BBS.

Same here, I'm willing to help you if I can.

victus.dollars@gmail.com

I know you're going to ignore people because you seriously want to die and no one understands you, but that's not true. I've never attempted suicide, but I've had suicidal thoughts before and it's a dangerous place to be. I know what feels like when you want to commit suicide, you just want it to end and it will just be easier that way. I'm happy I didn't commit suicide that day because life is way worth living. I'm transgender still not out, but a few people know I am. For me my mood switches. So one day I'll be super happy and the next I will want to kill myself. I won't post my whole life story, but I remember writing a letter to someone in Honduras I think. Somewhere in Mexico telling them not to give up. I wrote that you should never give up. Life is like a journey, an adventure. A search for a treasure chest. If you give up you'll never find that treasure chest. But if you live through all the problems you face you'll find something awarding. That's pretty much what I wrote. All the time I keep hearing that it'll get better. Sometimes it may seem like that saying not true, but in the end it actually is. Things will get better. You just have to try your hardest and not give up.
If you wanna email me: sevn.dollars@gmail.com

>>3 I love Buzzfeed, they're definitely part of the reason I haven't already ended everything. They've gotten me through some hard times.

>>6 I understand what you're saying. I've been around those kinds of people. At least, I thought that's what they were. Lately I've been thinking of calling a girl who I thought was the greatest friend I ever had, and telling her just how much it really hurt me when she wouldn't defend me against the bullying, or wouldn't hang out with me, and the really mean things she said... I'm alone now though. Abusive alcoholic mother, my father is in jail or prison or wanted or whatever the fuck. He's a psycho. Really violent and messed up. My mother isn't that different. Throughout the years I keep encountering people who claim they can help me. In the end, I'm a lost cause. I've had therapists "hand me over" to other "professionals" who they think can "help me better than themselves." So basically there's been therapists who have given up on me. I keep meeting somebody who I think is going to be fantastic, or who starts out fantastic, but that never lasts. So yeah, I understand what you're saying a sense about good people sharing their positive energy. Kinda.

>>9 I'm a lesbian. It's Valentines day today and spent the day with my girlfriend. Seeing her and spending so much fun time with her....fuck, it's just made me really hesitant. Way more hesitant than I was yesterday when I started this thread.

Goddamit, I guess now I'm just "strongly considering suicide." I'm not sure if I'm gonna follow through tomorrow. I want to, so so so badly. I know that all it'll take is a little nudge from my monster mother. One more stressful situation. One more nightmare or night-terror. I know if I just have that nudge, I can do it. I want it to happen. I want this to stop. I want all this pain to stop, but I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. I don't want to be another stereotype. I don't want to be a headline on the news for committing suicide. I want to be a headline for helping bullied children. I want people to know that if humanity just works together and we all be kind, things could be so much better for so many people! I want to work at shelters for the homeless, I want to open a business, I want to be an advocate for LGBTPQ rights. I have plans and dreams and ambitions and aspirations! I want to change the world. I want to be on stage singing and performing. Music has gotten me so far, but society says I have to have certain degree's to go certain places and do certain things. All I want to do is be free but there are so many different ways. I could free myself with death. Drugs. Insanity (already working on all 3 of those.) Or music, success, happiness.

Ugh this is turning into another rant. Sigh, I'm gonna go get high and think some more about this whole suicide thing. Thanks for your comments everybody. Any more replies are welcome and would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

<3 Person

I'm not going to tell you not to die, I'm going to let yourself chose whether or not to life or die. I would just like you to think whether or not your life really was that bad...no one was there? No one made it bright for just one day? Is this really worth is, becuase once you jump all that's left is to land and sometimes is better to take the long road even if it means walking through thorns and across knives to get to the end. Hope is all you need to make the first step, courage is the next, maybe a friend with be a third? But remember if your life really is that bad, jump.