1 Name: NyNy!LrrBDjAo7E : 2016-01-27 10:44 ID:A8BOqnd7 [Del]
I hate my life. No, it's not technically bullying, it's not something stupid like "I have no friends, boo hoo!" I'm basically a slave. My parents both physically, verbally, and emotionally abuse me. There's 9 people living in my house, 3 of which are technically adults. They are EXTREMELY lazy. The most one does is go to work so we can keep the house. That's it. They leave their dishes, clothes, trash, personal items, etc, EVERYWHERE. They have 5 dogs, ALL UNTRAINED. There's also 5 kids (the 6th one being me) and you know already, kids are naturally messy. That's where I come in. Through the mist of all that chaos, I have to be the mother, father, and basically just the adult. I have to clean up after ALL of it, alone. They make the other kids clean up too, but they suck at it. So here I am, being only 14 and having to become a parent at the tender age of 8, of kids that weren't mine, and parents of my parents. All day, I hear, "COME PICK UP THIS POOP!", "COME GET THESE DISHES OUT OF MY ROOM!", "COME CLEAN THE (insert name of room)!" "COME SCRATCH MY BACK!" "COME LOTION MY FEET!" etc. That's it, my life. To make things EVEN worse, I'm in cyber school. It wasn't so bad last year, the curriculum was near perfect, even the bad kids had decent grades. Then, the school decided to leave it's associate or whatever, so almost EVERYONE is failing this year. My grades are all I had. Now I don't even have that. Whenever I express how I feel about a certain situation, even a sigh, got me beat up a little while ago. They even slack on buying stuff I need like excema cream, soap, TOOTHPASTE. And being a female at my age, of course there's those feminine products that they also, slack on buying. I'd run away, but I have NO money, and they can't even watch their own kids, 1 of them being an autistic 7 year old. A kid without autism is difficult enough, but they like to make my job harder. Also, if they find me, I have a strong feeling that it will make things worse. I'd call CPS, but they might separate me and my siblings. I'd kill myself, but I promised someone that I wouldn't, and once again, I don't know who would look after my brother, the one with autism. People are aware of this abuse, but my mother is the main one, the one who tazes us, yes, with a tazer, just like we're criminals. Her youngest victim was 5, she tazed her until she pissed herself. She was going to taze my youngest sister when she was 1 or 2, but my dad stopped her. If he wasn't there at the time, my mother would have been a murderer. The other 2 pitch in from time to time, but it's mainly my mother. She even brags about he crimes to he ignorant friends, who pretty much worship her. She's into that black magic and shit, she has summoned demons that actually hurt me and my siblings, and even hurt her. I can only think of one person she hasn't beat up, including her own mother. MY grandmother, HER OWN mother. Since only one person has a job supporting 9 people, we're broke 90% of the time. During those times, she doesn't scrape up money for food, but for weave to sow in her hair, and guess who has to do that? She only lets me wear her clothes, AKA the only nice clothes in the house, when someone is going to be around to see what we really have to wear, AKA the rags. My dad is somewhat of a pushover, he gets her ANYTHING she wants and needs, and since he hasn't left her because of how she treats us, I have almost no respect. It makes my life even worse, having role models that are cartoon characters. My feelings are considered bad. They talk about their childhood, how great it was, how much fun they had, and mine had ended before adolescence. It wasn't even fun then, I was still abused, but I went to a good school, and instead of me being their slave it was another woman. She beat hear with a belt and other weapons in front of the woman's own kids. In front of me. The list goes on and on. I'm a Buddhist, all I wan't is to be happy. I don't want money, clothes, I kinda want video games but I'm not DYING for them, but really, all I want is to be happy. How can I find happiness in a life like mine? How can I find purpose? I'm really struggling.... I hate my life. Please help me.
