(Sorry for my English)
Hi, I need advice, or just tell all this to someone.

Well, I think that I fucked up everything in my life.
I started to smoke weed this year, oh yes I started years before but this year was every night. It makes my easiest to sleep. Or I think so… I really don’t know what to think.
I have a good life, I can’t complain about it, is not fair to other who are too much worse than me. I have a good family, they always did their best for me. I am in major college, and until now it was very good. But now I feel useless, or simply idiot. I really don’t know how I feel about me, I just feel bad. When I think about my life I feel bad.
Now, I am studying something than I don’t like a lot. I mean, it’s okay, but I prefer to study other things, is hard study something that I don’t really like at this level. I am in a club where we have to do a ship to competition, but in my subgroup (we are 2 in this subgroup) the other one receive all the merits, I am reserved and I feel embarrassment when I try to say something like: “Look, I have do this, and this and this”. I could do it, I really work in the team. But the other one make things of our subgroup without question before who we will distribute the work. So I feel like I am in a second plane. I feel that I are not needed.
This year I almost didn’t go to classroom, last year too, but this year more hardly, because of weed, it let me without energy at the morning. Or it is only an excuse? And in reality is because of me? I really don’t know. I still have friends on college, but I almost have not seeing them this year.
Last year I passed all courses. But now I will pass a half. I don’t know how to look to my parents. Furthermore I think that my mother knows it.
I don’t know how to say all this to my closest friends, about weed, I am scared to say it to them. I don’t want that they judge me too. Is egoist but is truth. I already know that what I am doing is bad, but please, I don’t need judgement, I want support. No charity, I don’t want that they look at me with misery. I want to change, but I need to tell someone what I am doing wrong and that the other accept me, accept that I am in a bad stage of my life, but that he/she believe that I can really change, that I can do it.
I feel alone because of myself, because my fear to tell someone. I don’t feel that I have a place to stay. I feel useless.

I know that all this is my bad, I must to accept all consequences of my acts. But I am scared too. I don’t want to lose the last pillars of my life. My family or my friends. But maybe I will lose it.
I want to change anyways. I am being more serious, I will be more responsible. I am studying hard. I am going more to class. I am talking more with friends. I want to be a better person. I really don’t want to make feel bad my family. But I think that is too late to change what I’ve doing, but not to change what I will do. But if all this shit explode, I don’t think that anything will be the same, will be worse. I am so scared of what I am doing.
Well, dollars, sorry for the long post, sorry for my bad English, sorry because I am new in this forum and don’t know if I can do a post for this, sorry for all. And thank you all, for reading me, for waste your time reading me, for let me the chance to say all this to someone. Thank you.

Hi!
I've read through, and honestly don't know what else to say but just talk to an adult. I know it's scary, and you dont want to be judged, but someone sometime is going to judge you. Anyways, adults can help you, and they will.

Friends are accepting ir real friends are! So look for the one friend who you think will accept you or support you. Sometimes friends worry about eachother but won't tell you. So talk to your closest friend who accepts you, tell her/him that you are goung through a difficult time and that you have been smoking weed while missing classes.

Trust me, if you become more serious about changing to be a better person, then your friends will support you more. They will have faith in you and accept you. Let me tell you that they will support you all the way if you do your best to change.

Have luck and don't forget that we will support you also!
Tell us how things go for you ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

☆Abziiee