I mean, if something goes wrong, the first thought in my mind is: commit a suicide. But if I think further, there still are something stopping me from committing a suicide. Like, I want to have a real friend. I want to choose, should I commit suicide or stay alive and live in my lonely and boring life? I can't choose.
What to do to feel less lonely? I'm feeling extremely lonely currently, and I don't think I can continue with this feeling. is there something that could wipe the bad thoughts out of your head?
My dream is to audition to SMTOWN or JYP (not YG, I'd fall out before I enter) and become a kpop idol, but since 'Europe isn't the world' for Korea, It won't come true.
You need to identify why you don't choose suicide..I struggle with suicidal thoughts more often than I like to admit but for me it's the girl I love, even if she only sees me as a friend, that keeps me holding on because I know it would hurt her more than anything...I can't say I have the answer for you as to stopping the thoughts completely but that's a good first step I think
I have avoidant personality disorder (subtype: self-deserting). The suicidal thoughts is a constant and the depression is just a part of me but "thanks" to the AvPD, I just discard those bad thoughts. Every painful thought and memory is locked away in a vault inside my head.
The problem of course is that the vault isn't exactly hermetically sealed and the thoughts leak out from time to time. I remember almost everything and my mind just thinks too much. I over-analyze myself and the world.
I am constantly thinking of killing myself and I end up visualizing all kinds of methods. Continuing on living is just an exercise of willpower. Distractions always help. When I run out of distractions, the thoughts keep surging in and enveloping me.
Being around other humans is anxiety. I get enough exposure and socializing at work. The world stresses me out. Existing stresses me out. I'm aware of each and every one of my failures. Hanging around in places like this helps let me stretch my metaphorical legs and relax for a moment.
I only have two people in this world that are special to me. They're probably the only reason I haven't killed myself though the thought that it would just do them a favor pops up now and then. If I told them that, they'd tell me that the dark thoughts in my head are all wrong. The annoying part is that the thoughts in my head are just more obnoxious about it.
Okay, I apologize for rambling. I try not to let my serious side out too much, but I figure sharing how I can relate would be appropriate. I sympathize. I believe in you.
Time to reset my emotions and play a video game or something.
i know its an unpopular opinion, but i have always found that intense or just constant exercise works really well. It gives you a distraction and once you get past the initial exhaustion you feel so much better draca.dollars@gmail.com - if you ever want to talk i'll lend and ear :)
