In short I'm transgender. I was born female, acted mostly masculine all my life. Most of the "female" things were always forced from me. Such as wearing dresses. Asking for barbies, because everyone else had them. Trying make up. Bleh all around.
When I started college, at 17, I took a welding class and wanted to be friends with my class mates. Who were all men, and I was great with that.
Then second year I joined another social network and learned of transgendered people. It was something I stumbled across myself. Then I just started sitting and thinking. For 5 years. I studied myself. All the characters I created were always females who were raised male, or general tom boys, or mistaken for male. Then eventually I started making male characters. Then I started portraying myself as a male on the internet. It felt.. great. I didn't feel like I was keeping a horrible secret from anyone. I felt normal and happy. Then I started double checking myself. Asking other reasons I might feel male but not be. There were two things. Being molested as a child and growing up with the general hate of my body. And society's view on females. Some things I noticed when changing my pronounce on the internet was, people acted.. more respectful? Less flirting and asking for nudes. More general talking and being nice. Which was sickening to see.
I always hated purses and preferred my pockets. when asked to wear a dress I often got whistled at which made me scared. Even while people said it was a good thing to my face. Constantly my mother tells me to learn martial arts. Which i did for a while. And when I wanted to go to a university in a big city, her first response was "you might get rapped".
Anyway.
I reviewed myself and found even before learning about the world and being abused that I always had male tendencies. Tried to pee standing up as a kid. Hated playing pretend with the girls and preferred tag and capture the flag with the others. Was told I was born with a TV remote in my hand. Sure now we try to say these things can go to either gender but back then things were still categorized.
This year I sat down and thought of telling my mother. I know she cares about me and so i got the courage to do so. I thought of finally starting the change and getting T. I was so happy at the thought. I sat down and told her. But her reaction was the worst case scenario.
She thinks I am broken and wants to fix me.
She started blaming my time on the internet. She thought someone here was shoving the idea in my head and manipulating me. She started insulting my friends loyalties and saying all kinds of shit about people she never met.
She wants me to do three things. Go to a doctor and see if i have a hormonal imbalance. Take me to someone SHE trusts. not me HER. And have them analyze my thinking and prove me wrong. Then she also wants me to do SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE. But I don't believe in a "higher power". I don't even believe my favorite food will be delicious every time sometimes it's not! I'm a theorist. Nothing more.
But all of this is almost impossible because she's also a conspiracy theorist. I cannot go to a general doctor because she will think they're going to push drugs and slowly kill me. I can't go to a normal shrink because she thinks they will... push drugs that will kill me.
sigh.
after all of that we both got pretty sick. Then I made an effort to avoid calling the doctors. Now i'm slowly growing to loath her once more. I have options to leave. And I might have to if I continue to feel sick when thinking back on our conversation. I thought if I gave it time she would come around. And some moments she seemed to. Stopping herself or correcting when she used the wrong pronouns. But now it's all going back to how it was. and I'm realizing more she's somewhat controlling. And a little insane.

for example she thinks i'm a Jedi baby??? She claims when I was conceived she was in no relationship and was having an infection in her uterus. Then says I just appeared and the doctors were confused.
but when I saw my birth certificate and looked up the fathers name a lot of rapists popped up. sigh..

I just want to feel normal.
But now all I can think is "fine. you wont accept me for who I am? then I will be nothing I will be trash"
I don't know what to do.

Sum,
i'm not sure if this will help but i thought asking yourself these questions might help you find your answers
- How do you want to live?
- Are you proud in the way you live?
- How do you want your mother to think/feel of you?
- If you leave, what will that do to your relationship?
- What exactly are you asking of your mother and yourself?
- Are you prepared?
Like i said i'm not sure if this will help and i fully support you so please don't get the wrong idea. i guess i'm just trying to get you on the path that your looking for.
i hope i at least gave you a feeling of being cheered on.
-HVR
(P.S this was just to give you something to think about, you do NOT have to write any answers)

Like HVr ask yourself on how you want to live your life, if you think you'll be happy in that way, then choose that path. Don't let anyine interfere, because, after all, you are the only ine who can take the stepx and live it. As for your mother, well, a lot of parents are like that. But If I were you, I'd talk to her again. Tell her everything you want, thank her or whatsoever, and if she can't live with your conditions, then move out. Respect each other's thoughts. And, I think your mom is thinking that she didn't do her best on raising you base on how society thinks you should've grown (just might be the case). Comfort her if you think she tried her best and tell her It's just not the way you are and all the rest is up to you. I don't know if this helps for I can't thoroughly explain well my point of view and you might misunderstand, but I really do hope so.

bruce jenner

Don't be afraid of who you are. Put your foot down. You need to feel like you belong. The only thing broken about you is your heart. You need to do what is best for YOU. Not your mother.