I hate having this victim-like mentality, but fuck, how can I help it? Really? I feel like my buttons are pushed all. the. fucking. time. I feel like a lot of older siblings do. The fucking stress I swear to fucking god- from parenting your sibling to school work to back at your fucking spoiled of a brat sibling.
Now I don't know about you guys, but I'm Asian-American. Stereotypically this means Asian parents have high expectations. Unstereotypically, I don't exactly match the proud standards, which meant I got the beatings growing up until my parents finally separated. I'm the oldest so I was the scapegoat to my parents punishments throughout childhood. And even though I envied my sister who started to scoff at the "dramatization" of the recent episodes I had with my dad- I doted on her along with my parents. Even though she treats everyone like trash, thinks that all she needs is her online games and "friends" my parents are always: "take care of her" or "tell her to do this for me" and- I admit, she obeys me to my advantage(s).
I don't mean to brag, but I have the personality that's more open, but she's got the cute face. Every time I think of the quote relating that beauty doesn't necessarily lie within, I think of her. Coz she's so sheltered to the point that she thinks she can push people around without any consequences (me).
I can't stop this victim-like mentality. I feel like I'm a chill older sister- if not great. I'm weak to my sister's wants, and my friends tend to tell me to basically stop submitting to her at times when I hover and such. We're close sisters who rarely fight- we give to each other. But as the oldest, it becomes an obligation to give more.
I usually hook her up with positions- like volunteering in middle school and high school, and getting the incentives for essentially being my little sister from teachers off my hard work. I don't mind it usually but it just contributes to the fact that I enable her with so many opportunities she doesn't appreciate. Even when I'm worrying about AP classes and college, I worry for her. But I'm stopping this. I need to for myself.
An hour ago, I attacked her. She's physically a little more bigger than my small stature, but I was so angry I dragged her ass. I couldn't feel the scratch on my face. Not even the kick to the stomach. I was crying as I fought while she never sheds a tear. Coz she never had anything to cry over I'm assuming. It just made me angrier to the point that I started thinking of bashing her head into the wall, or pinning her down and grabbing the lamp. I was so angry. Irrationally. I feel like my victim mentality always makes me hear her demeaning tone. Looking back now, I feel like my attack was unnecessary, but I still hear that condescending tone. She's the type that never shuts up. She doesn't know how to, doesn't know when to, and she's gunna get in 10x the trouble. I'm still angry. I hope she finds that trouble. Coz dad didn't teach her trouble. I'm so blood thirsty for when that day comes. I feel that I wont have enough sympathy for her as much as I should have, and she's making me have traits that I was so weary of inheriting from my dad. I see so much resemblance between us with these victim mentalities. I'm so afraid. I feel like I can't let go- even though I'll be leaving next year. It's going to be like that post my unhelpful aunt (my sister snitched) tagged me in: "When your the older sibling, your always wrong". It makes me mad and I'm distraught over the fact that I'll be thinking that and try to justify bad decisions. I guess I get what I get from my wrongs. But its just so bad when my anger accumulates- and realizing that she's getting to the best of me.
I just want a little sympathy. Some companions to relate to. Coz my own blood doesn't let me get emotionally spoiled in this way, despite knowing of the abuse that made me such a "drama queen". Sorry for jumping around so much if you read all that. I'm just so... mixed up I guess. I'm still shaken from the anger that won't go away. I'm thinking of ways to make her feel hurt. Make her cry or bleed- I dunno. I'm so angry. But I hate how its gnawing on me. I have to stop here though.

Now, just imagine, when you typed this, you didn't do the captcha.

I also hate my sheltered younger sister. I might not be giving the best advice here but I think you should stop taking care of her. Let reality smack her in the face as hard as it can. You are stressed and you need to let some things go. She's probably old enough to care for herself, she only needs games and friends? Let her see how long she can go with that. Stop setting her up and giving her opportunities and make her get them herself. If you don't stop you'll end up hurting her more- and that's abusive. I went through something similar where I would start to get violent with my sister but it's important to remember that it's wrong and doing so makes you the bad guy. No one has sympathy for the older sibling, no one has sympathy for the attacker. To vent your anger it might be a good idea to each talk or email or send a message in some form to your sister explaining how selfish she has been and that you are done taking care of her since she show no thanks. Do not write your message now though- let the anger fade first. Give it a day.

I can understand your pain but do NOT attack her again. You can go to jail for that sort of thing especially since you are the older sibling. (if I could I'd stab my sister so I also share your violent feelings) With this sort of situation I found I was able to get along better with my sister by ignoring her an spending as much time as possible away from her. Minimum contact. She isn't your responsibility. You didn't choose to have a sister, your parents chose to have another child. That way of thinking may seem wrong to some people but it's what I think is right.

Stay away from her. Only interact when you absolutely have to. Your anger will fade and you'll feel so much calmer.

Get a hobby. Go relieve your stress. I used to be in a similar position with a combination of asian parents and a brother going through the dreaded '12 year-old phase' instead. Ey? Occupy yourelf with other things. And at least you didn't try to kill yourself or have suicidal thoughts. I know how tempting it is to strangle her to death at times, but it's best just to vent that anger into terrifying threats to let her know that she should piss off.

dont let her have so much power over you. i let my sister do the same thing and it just ended u making it worse. let her know when you need space.