So.. I'm not sure what my deal is, but I hate this feeling. So, I tend to help people, because that's the kind of person I am. But I'm also one to be really lonely. And maybe its because my Ex spoke up after 3 months of silence. But I miss him.. Even though people say to not go after the ones that broke your heart in the first place, I still can't help myself.. Hes the first one that EVER heard me cry.. The only time I ever cried in front of another person was my mom. And even though it was an online relationship, I assure you, He was not some pedo. He was on skype video chatting and voice. So I know for sure he was not a fake or whatever. But over this recent summer, he helped me with my depression and suicidal thoughts. And when I called him over skype crying, It was because I made my first cut. And that's the first I've ever done anything like that.. And in sometime in late August, we had gotten into an argument and we called it off. And 3 months later, the other night, he messaged me. And.. I was terrified and happy at the same time. But now that hes back and talking to me, I just.. I feel lonely. I feel deserted. We talked things through, and.. He made it clear that there was no second chance. And I know better to force it upon him so I just accepted it. And now we just joke and talk as if we never happened.. And I keep telling myself to get over it. And he told me that no matter what I felt, I wouldn't be alone through the dark and that I could talk to him whenever. But these feelings.. I can't talk to him about it. Because they include him, and he doesn't want a second chance at us. So.. What the fuck do I do?! I have some friends to talk to over kik.. But none from school. I draw, play piano, read.. Keep myself occupied. But when night time rolls arounds.. I'm just.. A mess. And I help everyone else with their problems, But I have no one to help me with mine.. And its the worst fucking feeling in the world.. What the fuck do I do, guys?! I'm at a lost and this feeling just makes me want to cave in and just end my life all together.. And when I try to cry over him, to let my emotions out, The tears don't come fast enough.. They don't flow as heavy. And all I want to do instead is just.. Cut.. I'm so fucken lonely.. And maybe I just want the comfort from another person to tell me that they love me and won't let me travel on my own.. But there's no one to do that for me.. And I'm so fucken lost, confused, broken, and lonely.. What the hell do I do?! I don't know how to occupy myself from these emotions because their so captivating in the night hours.. They keep me up at night.. And I don't know what to do.. I guess I just miss the comfort he used to bring me.. But honestly.. Please tell me what the fuck am I to do?!?! I'm at my edge every night with this.. I can't take it.. I know it'll get much worse as days go on, so I need the help now before I fuck up badly.. Somebody.. Please help me.. I can't do this on my own and I'm asking for help now.. Please hear me..

Stop being selfish. He already said there was no second chances so no point dwelling on the past. Make new friends instead. And it would be an insult to guys if he's the only person you'll ever go out with. Forget everything you did with him if you're that bad with getting rid of your feelings, though the best thing to do would be to accept how things are and look back at the memories with a nostalgic smile. If you can't get a grip and accept everything, you're probably going to be stuck in that abyssal cycle of depression. Take a look at the world. People out there are having it eay worse than you. Try and help others and others might help you with your problems. You might even learn a few things about yourself while helping other people.

Take a long walk outside somewhere. Don't listen to music. Just have some time to yourself and feel comfortable in the outdoors. Open your eyes to what's around you instead of being fixated on something so narrow.

Mail me at faker.1875@gmail.com so we can Talk if you want, there people with same even worse Problems then you, try to accept and better then, if your lonely go outside and lern New people, if you got anxiety then face your fears i know talking to stranger at first can be wired but with time it gets better, Do sports^^ i myself started with Fitness, if sayed me that i need to get to a stranger Version at my self and started, all Starts are hard but after a while its just a normal thing, anyways you got my email just send a Massage so we can Talk ^^

>>3 Alright I will, thanks.

>>2 Thanks Holo. I know it is selfish of me to be feeling this way, but sometimes I can't help it. Consider me weak if you have to. But your reply helped me. Thanks.~