i am not a smart person. i am tactless. i am oblivious. i am too sensitive. i cry easily. i can honestly say i am lazy. i can say i am clingy. i can say i am a push over. i can also say that i am a waste of space.

but i try. i try to ignore the insults thrown by my family. i try to meet your expectations within the best of my ability. i will do anything to make the ones i love happy. i will try to make you smile and i will smile when you tell me i am stupid and to go away. i will still be smiling.
even though it hurts so much.

i cry when no one can see me and tell me that crying solves nothing. i cry because it is the only aspect of my life that i can control. everyday i have to ignore my problems because i cannot solve them for i am small and lame. through the facade i put on each day, my eyes show the pain i feel inside. through my laughter i am crying. through my smiles, i am breaking. through my kind helpful words, i scream for help.

i cannot ask for help. i cannot ask my own family for help. i am scared of being judged and yelled at. they have already marked me as weak and unreliable because i have shown them my tears. i hate crying. i hate feeling like i am not enough. i hate feeling so empty.

when i am with my friends, i am happy. i can be me. i have a boy who loves me. but once may comes around, i loose them all. then it is back to my 'loving' family.

if i dont graduate on time, i will honestly kill myself. not because i value grades. but more that i cannot stand their yelling, their hits, and their judgement. that grades are more important than my mental health. that i should put aside the anxiety and depression to go college where i will rack up a debt that wont go away even when i am 40.

this is not a life i want. but it is what everyone else wants. i just want to be happy. i want to be free. i dont want to ever cry or feel pain ever again. i want to be with this boy and live a life where we are comfortable.

i dont care about school. i dont even care if we have to struggle with the bills every now and then. i just want to write. i want to make people happy with my stories like others did for me when i wanted to escape. i want to write with my boyfriend right beside me. i want to be happy.

i wanna say i was in the same situation a year ago. you know what i did. i graduated and fucking left my hometown and traveled. sadly the gov got my balls but i live a happy life. why? some people ask. well its cause im not "home" anymore. im not dealing with that "family" anymore and i dont worry about bills cause i get payed for easy work. im still here on bbs looking out for people and there are times where i need advice.

moral of the story is graduate and leave. this "hell on earth" is escapable. you can run, but people will try and bring u down. you need to not give up and keep going. and if this boy really does love you, he'll always be there with you. by your side. through thick and thin.

First step to happiness is learning English and grammar.

Second step is to laze around all day and forget the world

Neko thats not going to help the situation, and NZPIEFACE why are you degrading this person when they are trying to help themself out of this hellish thing called depression. I agree with TimothyL.C. Try your best to graduate, and if you don't, please don't kill yourself. Your life is too precious to be taken at such a young age. If you really want to get away from your family then do what TimothyL.C. said and travel. If you want to be a writer go for it. Be a journalist. What i am trying to say is simply this: Do not let your family determine anything about your life. And don't misunderstand, I am not saying have no respect for your family. Far from it in fact. But I am saying it is your life to live however you want to. Please dont hurt yourself because the people who are supposed to love you are hurting you instead. If you want something do everything you can to make it happen. And don't let anything hold you back from reaching your goal. If you do decide to become a great writer I look forward to reading your work.

>>5
Ever of a thing called relaxation technique?
Supposedly it helps.
Why rush yourself to confront problems when you can take a one day timeout to refresh your brains?

Thats not what it felt like you were implying. It felt to me like you were saying they should just forget everything and never try to do anything about their situation. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I shouldn't have been so quick to assume the worst. Please accept my most sincere appologies

@Neko , I understand what your trying to say but that doesn't work for everyone...
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I understand you, and i just wanted to say that your not alone. You'll make it through. Even though it hurts to put on that mask every single day. Keep going because there are people that do care about you, and it would be really sad if they heard that your not with them anymore... Please you can do it, tell those shadows to go frick off because your better than that, than them... You're not alone, don't forget that. Ever.

>>1 You probably don't want to hear this but you're going to have to toughen up sweetie. Get to the point where people can call you things and it just rolls off your back. Try to be more confident. It sounds like you're caring way too much about what the people in your life think about you. You have to live for yourself and do what makes you happy. You can't please everyone and sometimes it might be family. Don't be afraid to disappoint. And quoting Seth Godin, when it comes to things you want in life, "If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try." So hang in there, I believe you can make the best out of your situation.

Listening to insults every damn day from the people who are supposed to love you can really be a bitch. You start to believe and become depressed. You can't do much when you are depressed. You have no motivation, you always dread the worst, you have no escape.
You're stuck in a dark hellish abyss and you can't find light in any direction you look at.

Well, I want you to punch that abyss in the face and make a hole for the light. Every day, keep punching at it and try making the hole bigger.

Wake up and look in the mirror. Think of one good thing you are good at, even if it is just reading or listening, and think about it all day. Every day.

Write a mini book full of motivational quotes and support lines that will get you through the day.

Surround yourself with your friends and confide in them when you have to. Friends are friends for a reason. They will be there for you.

Escape into the world of writing, reading, anime, video games, running, taking a walk. Get busy with something. Figure out what it is that you enjoy and try everything. (except drugs. fuck that)

We all want someone to tell us "it's going to be okay" when we are depressed. We all wish we can just "toughen up" overnight.

I am here to tell you that it is possible. You are NOT alone. You are YOUR OWN PERSON. You want to let their words tell you what your life is worth? FUCK THAT SHIT. Only YOU can tell yourself what your life is worth. And your life is worth everything.

Email me if you need anything. I am always a friend if you need support or someone to listen
djbabe.dollars@gmail.com

Also, it is okay to fucking cry. It is actually healthy to cry and let your emotions out. It is okay to yell and scream and let your face be covered in tears.

You feel better afterwards instead of letting it build up and become worse later on.

If people think you are a weakling because of it, they are wrong and don't know what it is like to be in that position.

Let yourself cry as many times as you need to. As long as you always get back up afterwards.

Just be. You don't need to care about anything else to be happy. Just be.

If it's your surroundings that prevent you form this. Think "Fuck it" and relax and be happy.

If you are in a really bad spot at home, you could try talking to the state and seeing if they can help your situation at all. If you don't think you can handle it, the state should listen to you.

Uh, no.
The state's not that nice.

>>13
If OP is a minor, they'd just be shipped off to a foster home that could be no better than their current family.

Some types of happines are more solid then others, like peoples who feel happines buying something and others who are happynes because are breathing, and others for playing video game, but doesnt exist one way and just one form of happines. You should to understand what make YOU happines, indifferent what the peoples around you think. if exist many different types of peoples in the world, what is the chance of the peoples around you are the correctly do deal and understand you.
PS my english are fool