Hello! If you've ever been in the same chatroom as I (that of which, I highly doubt.) You might know how talkative and cheerful I am. That is not a front I just like happy people. I'm a little stressed out because I have taken a liking for someone of the same gender as I am. Not only is this person the same gender as I am this person is straight, homophobic, a believer of Christ, and my best friend. This person always comes to me for relationship advice and I can't say no because they're my best friend. It is used as a joke but it's not very fun being forever friend zoned. That's not the only stressful thing. My mother is quickly aging and I should take the time to help her with things, but she is quite hostile. She constantly yells and I mean actually yelling. Over the course of my life the only times I remember her saying "I love you", are when I was a smaller child. She stopped when I turned seven or eight. Now it kind of feels like she may not like me at all. I wouldn't blame her. I don't quite like myself either.

Now, I'm a little bored. I've picked up an interest in writing, but nothing really continues flowing from my fingertips after a few pages, and many paragraphs. I have written so many different stories but none of them are amazing as Baccano or Durarara. This is a bit strange but I can most likely relate to Durarara better than any anime I have watched. I've always thought like Mikado. How he "Sought-After Extraordinary." I haven't and will not ever accept the word normal. I don't particularly like the word human-being either. It's for the reasons Izaya loves humans that I hate. How they can be so prideful when they have, and can immediately switch to begging when they've lost everything. I hate being human, and being labeled by them.

Another strange thing that I wonder if anyone can relate to is that, I have a sort of system that tries to filter good and bad, hurtful and helpful. It mostly works when I am online and sometimes in real life. I am not saying I don't judge, but as a writer I try to view things from both sides. I feel like I'm alone with these kind of thoughts as I see many hateful comments and post these days. I feel there is something wrong with me and my bolts are out of place. I wish someone could relate to me with this because I don't think people like me think this.

I hope you don't pass this post. I'll feel a little sad.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.

Thank you? >>2

I know what you mean about hating that part of humanity. I've always been disappointed with the people around me. And, where I haven't had the same type of issue with my family, I have enough of my own. I wouldn't call myself talkative OR cheerful, I try to help whenever I can. Also, I don't really like it when people answer something with a religious belief, like it'll solve any problem with a flick of the wrist.

Precisely! It's so nice writing to you! I feel a little less alone with my thoughts! Do you have a dollars gmail?

Yeah
Zaksnap.dollars@gmail.com
Talk to me about anything

Have you tried to email me yet? If you have, the email is wrong. Its actually zaksnap.dollars@gmail.com without caps
Sorry if this caused any confusion

Hey RLKSH :)
I don't really believe in bad people, just bad actions. It's okay to like someone the same gender as you, I know it sucks falling for someone you can't have. About your mom, she probably does care a lot about you and does like you, a lot of people have a strange way of showing it though and I'm not trying to sound cheesy of cliche although I probably do, ALL the time, I can't help it. You shouldn't dislike yourself, even though I don't know you, I can tell your a good person. If someone labels you, that doesn't say anything about you, only them. If someone calls you a biatch or a wh0re that doesn't say anything about you only them. I know what it feels like to be bored like Mikado and always strive for something abnormal (my everyday life). About your best friend, that sucks monkey butt. I can't say anything about it except that I feel for ya. I hope this helped a lil bit.. :)

Hahahaha. Nice^

Thank you Spade-san! I don't exactly hate myself. Just sometimes I hate the person I am. I really love how you avoided the use of profanity and are considerate of others. I wouldn't mind the profanity, truthfully I use it quite often to express myself, but your reply just becomes all the more cheerful without! It does sound a bit cliche and I believe it to be true as well! I see where you're coming from. It seems like I'm understood but.. I don't know. Just talking about it never solves problems completely, and I'm sure you people know such already. I'm a bit better now and have accepted my problems though I'm still not thoroughly satisfied. I'm glad you care even the slightest though, It really does touch whatever soul I have. :)