i wanted a place where no one would know me so here i am. i just need to get this off my chest and maybe get a few opinions on this because i am stuck.

i have a boyfriend and he's absolutely amazing and i'm so happy with him and i can only hope that all that i do makes him just as happy too.

i also have a girlfriend.
she's beautiful and she is important to me, just as much as my boyfriend is important to me and i always want to see her happy and smiling because damn, nothing is as adorable. this is not to say my boyfriend is any less adorable when he's happy. i love the both of them and both of them love me. i am fat with love and everyday i wake up feeling so alive because i love them.

my girlfriend has a boyfriend of her own and he's pretty cool too. we like talking about ways to spoil our girlfriend to bits but we haven't done anything yet.

so there are four of us.

this whole relationship thing is out in the open between the four of us, no one is cheating on anybody and all of us agreed to this when it happened.
well sort of.

right now, my boyfriend doesn't quite get why i want to date him and my girlfriend at the same time when i've got him and she's got her boyfriend and i get where he's coming from.
but it's like her happiness is important to me and it doesn't mean i love him any less. my feelings for her have grown since we started this thing but the feelings i have for him have grown just as much if not more.
i don't know how to explain it other than both of them are important to me and i always want to do everything i can to make them happy.
i want to kiss them, hug them, hold hands and have sex with them when the time is right. (not in the threesome kind of way but that wouldn't be unwelcome either and it's besides the point)
the thing is, my boyfriend thought the thing between me and her was just a close friends who liked to kiss and hug sometimes thing. i have told him recently that my feelings for her run deeper than that and he gets it but he was honest to me and said that he wouldn't be ok if i had sex with her or anything like that and i get that. i really do.

although he has said that he wouldn't love me any less or get mad if i did have sex with her, i want to respect his feelings so i said i wouldn't do anything unless he was completely ok with it.
i love him.

i told this to my girlfriend too. she understood but she got really hurt because she reckons my boyfriend doesn't want us dating properly, for real. i get where she's coming from too. she's been let down so many times and it kills me inside when she says she's ok and that she can deal with it when i know she's going to cry and hide her pain away from me again. i feel shit. but she understands and respects my boyfriend too, even if it hurts her.

her boyfriend is pretty cool about the whole thing, he just says if i make her happy, he's happy too and if we wanted to go all the way, we could go ahead. but this thing between me, my boyfriend and my girlfriend has left me pretty stuck on what to do.

my girlfriend's upset. i'm feeling down. my boyfriend isn't going to magically be ok with everything any time soon and we all know it.

i guess the good thing is that we all know it's not anyone's fault or anything because it's just the way things are. that and we're still willing to stick together.

i don't want to have to choose between them.
i love them both and i want to make them happy.
call me naive and childish but that's simply what i want but right now we're all kind of in a mess right now and we don't know how to move forward.

i'm scared and confused and i don't know what to do but isn't that normal for any other relationship?

if you guys have advice or anything, it would be appreciated. really.

thanks for hearing me out.

Do forgive me for asking, but is it a culture where open relationships are not discouraged?
Also, by 'we haven't done anything yet', specifically what do you want to do?

Uhm... I really don't want to be that guy who has to say this but I think I have to. Situations like this get really messy as we grow up. Reason being is simply that at some point, I would like to assume you want to settle down at some point and I highly doubt that both of them would really be ok with being married to one but not the other. Also coming from someone who is engaged, having sex with someone you love and then having sex with the one you now love is a real killer -_-. Idk where I was going with that anymore but I will say this-
Enjoy your youth. Don't let any mistake you make be something regrettable. Btw if you need someone to talk to here's my email
Areigarei.dollars@outlook.com

@2 i don't know if there are any cultures which are ok with open relationships, so far we've only told two people about us. and by we haven't done anything yet, i meant we haven't had the chance to spoil our girlfriend with cuddles and kisses yet

@3 thanks for your words and i am fully aware that this will get messier. i will try my best to not regret anything i do.

WOW WHAT A BICH GO PLAY WITH YOURSELF YOU GOD DAMMIT