so i have a bit of a issue here. i like to be with people. but i have been bullied so much and i was lithely more safe alone. so even thought my heart screams for social activity i still prefer to be alone. or do i? i don´t know. I'm more used to be alone so i guess i get a bit nervous when I'm not alone. even if i don´t show it. I'm not good at hiding my feelings. but even thought i smile. i still feel so lonely inside. i don´t really know why. because I'm not! i live in a foster family and i have 6 siblings! there are more that moved out because of adult hood. and i have friends too! I'm definitely not alone. but no matter how much i try to tell this to myself. it just won't sink in. and whats even worse is that when i really get depressed. i get quiet.
thats when i lie, if people ask if something bothers me. i´ll just say that i did´t get enough sleep. but deep inside i wish that a person would deny my answer and stay beside me. and hug me, only then i would be able to cry. because i rarely cry infront of a person. i can't cry in public. i just can't. and people that i don´t trust won't see my tears (unless it´s a really sad movie because i cry when something sad happens in movies) but there are so many who think that i want space. but fact is, that i don´t want space. i want people near me. but I'm so scared to be hurt so I refuse to get too close. like in a relationship. the more serious it gets. the more painful it starting to feel. now i don´t say that i break up of that reason. me feeling scared of losing someone must mean that i might not trust the people that i should. people call me naive. and that i get to trustworthy for people. but how well do they know? there is many things people DON´T know and those things are cowered in darkness and suicidal thoughts. I don´t think i will ever commit suicide. but i have considered it, and cutting myself. i did that once and i promised my mother that i would never to that again. but that thought have come across my mind as well.. I'm not saying that i will do any of this. but seriously. i feel so bad sometimes, and i just wanted to let this out.

Staying alone isn't a bad thing. You can have a lot of fun alone. There are many activities you can do, like drawing, walking, doing roller skating, watching anime, reading a book..etc You can do something that you like a lot.

You are already in pain aren't you? So why are you cutting your self? It's giving you more pain. If you want someone by your side, someone you can trust, you have to know this person for a long time and to understand them.

Maybe when you walk, you see many people smiling and having fun with their friends, but what if they are like you? What if they are depressed and always cutting them selves? So try to get close to those people who are always smiling, not everyone can be happy for ever. We will all be sad for at least a second.

Do you know who is the person in this world that will always stay with you? The person who can make you the happiest. It's yourself. You are always here for yourself, you can talk to yourself. Try to understand why you are like this. Just try your best. If you want your life to be better, crying and cutting won't help and waiting for someone to help you won't make things better too.

You need to fight against yourself, you need to be strong.
Don't always hide, don't let people make fun of you. Show them that you are strong. I hope I was able to help

Life is not as bad as it seems every thing works out in the end if you worry to much on what's going to happen you'll go crazy pleas try to keep a happy mind 😀 with love😍😍💞💞💝💔💓💖💖💛💜💜💙❤

>>3 Wow. You did well. Hypothesis: The more emojis used, the less depressed someone will be. Psychology degree?

>>1 Ohhhh?
So basically, you want to be with people, but you don't want to be with people? This is because you don't want to get hurt if you lose them? Ah, I see. So there must have been a time where you once had a strong bond with a friend whom you trusted fully but you lost that person, which hurt you severely and made you scared of feeling that same pain again? So basically, you never again want to experience the joy of friendship and have people by your side and instead avoid making friends because you don't want to lose them? So your fear of pain is stronger than your desire to have friends? If that's the case then you should be really proud! If you don't want friends just because you're scared of losing them, what you are doing right now is in perfect harmony with what you feel! You have succeeded in being a loner! Oh? But you say you are sad? You say you like to be with people? Oh? A contradiction? So you're actually being really undecisive by saying that you want friends but then say you don't want to lose them? Why would you want friends if you don't want to feel the pain of losing them? Ah, so that's it. You want friends more than you don't want to feel the pain of losing them. You once thought that being alone will get rid of all possible sadness but then realised that it is not what you truly want. What you really want is to feel the happiness of being with people you care about. Avoiding people and being alone was you acting on lies and was just for making you feel temporarily safe. Dear oh dear.

How about this? Stop being scared of feeling pain and actually make friends. Stop living in the childish cycle of 'I want friends but I dont! I want friends but I don't!' You won't achieve anything if you're just scared. Acting in fear is just you being pathetic. Fill the emptiness inside of you and make an effort to get close to people. Stop hesitating to make friends and stop believing that making friends will automatically mean being hurt in the future.





I'm not done yet.






Oh?? So you say when people ask you what's bothering you, you spout lies in their face to hide what you really feel? You also state that people believe you always want space, but you actually don't want space. Hmmmmmmm, let me think for a minute and figure just why they think you want space. Ah! It's because they believe you're perfectly fine on your own! Remember? When they ask you if something is bothering you, you say that you're perfectly fine. Of course they think you're fine! Why would they want to be close to you and comfort you when you already tell them that you don't need it? You're lying to them! Liar! Liar! They are acting on the assumption that you are fine being alone.

How about this? Of course, don't just go telling people you cut yourself but tell people that you are feeling a bit down or say that you are feeling a bit lonely. Now, if you do this, guess what will happen? They will try to cheer you up and won't leave you alone! Wow! Of course, don't be expecting that everyone will just automatically try to cheer you up and don't believe that everyone will be your friend just because you ask. Make an effort to find people who seem nice and try to get close to them. Be friends with them! Tell them you enjoy being with them! Only tell them after you have been hanging out with them for a while, otherwise they will think you are weird. Stop hiding what you feel if you're just going to feel sad later on! Do things that will make you happy.





Not done yet.





Okay, AloneHeart. This part is what really got on my nerves "thats when i lie, if people ask if something bothers me. i´ll just say that i did´t get enough sleep. but deep inside i wish that a person would deny my answer and stay beside me. and hug me". Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! Why? Why would you believe that someone would say 'No. I don't believe you' and hug you? You are hoping for way too much.

Imagine this: you are not depressed and live a normal happy life with loads of friends. Then you see someone who is always quiet and seems to be a loner. Then you walk up to them and say 'Let's be together forever! You don't have to be alone anymore!' and hug them. Then you realise that they are actually fine with being alone. You actually just embarrassed that person infront of a crowd watching everything that just happened and made him look sooooo stupid. You ended up making yourself look like a cunt and made the quiet person hate you.'

Above is what people would believe would happen if they did what you are hoping for. No one is going to take a massive risk in the small chance that you are actually lying when they know NOTHING about you. Also, it is impossible for people to read each other's minds. What, did you believe they could? If you want people to hug you and comfort you, TELL THEM. This isn't an anime world which will go the way you want it to. This is reality. If you want happiness you need to work hard for it.




One more thing. lol.




Who said making friends would automatically lead to sadness. Why is it that you will believe every friend you make will just leave you? That's so pessimistic! Not just pessimistic, but that idea is also quite stupid. Believing that everybody you make friends with will just leave you is just saying that nobody is good. You are saying everyone is deceptive and are liars. How rude! Tell me this, if I asked to be friends with you, would you reject me just because I might leave you and hurt you? Haha. No. Stop making things up. It's possible that it MIGHT happen but if you choose your friends carefully, the chances of them hurting you and leaving you is only around 10%. How about, you start trusting in people and start trusting yourself that you will choose the right friends. Life isn't free of pain. There will always be tough times but you need to make an effort to find good friends who will be there to support you.





Again, making friends with everyone and foolishly trusting everyone is not wise, but trusting no one will make your life miserable.


By the wise words of Holo the Wise Wolf from the anime 'Spice & Wolf', "While one may lose much from avarice, nothing was ever accomplished through abstinence". Not sure the context is perfect for this quote but you get what I mean?



Thanks b0ss for reading. If you ignore this reply you just wasted 30 minutes of my time. Be a good girl and heed my advice.

Wtf I had no idea I wrote this much.

Pretty common problem nowadays

tank for your advices everyone ^_^

I think the only thing that will help is trying your best to avoid negative thoughts, do things you enjoy and just let time help you slowly trust people more. Don't ever trust someone so much you'd tell them your whole entirely life but it is better to trust people to a certain extent rather than trusting no one at all. Someone trustworthy will probably pop up and you will feel much better :)