This should be my reply to a thread but I noticed my ramblings are getting too off-topic so I created my own thread instead.


So the thing is I have gone crazy. Not the batshit crazy but more like depressed crazy. You know like a while ago I was watching a really good show with romance and fluff with whip cream on top and I was giggling like the teenage girl i should be and then one minute I'll be crying over realizing how sad I really feel inside. Honestly I haven't slept well this past few nights and I have been depressed yet I don't fucking know why. I spend my nights crying alone with this empty feeling inside of me. I'm an introvert. I spend most of my time alone not caring about friends or stuff like that. I prefer to be alone. That's what I'm always telling myself. But in reality, I'm just pushing away everyone who wants to be close to me. They are better off without me anyway. My mind is set up like "Just do your fucking thing (study and work) and don't get involved to anyone because you'll just end up hurting them." But there are times that I just can't keep up with all the loneliness and I break down crying. I saw an old friend one time and she asked "What is happening to you?" And that f*cking question floated in my head the whole time and I can't even answer it. I don't know what's happening to me. I deserve all of this loneliness but it's killing me and I always tell myself I have to be strong to withstand all of these sad feelings. I don't know how to have fun and I don't think I should have fun. I know I'm being hard to myself but I don't what to do to change that. Awwwwwwwwwww man this sucks

I'm certainly no expert, but if I may say anything... you should ponder on why you are afraid to hurt anyone.

I remember a certain phrase someone said. It went something like this... if you want to truly live, you must be always prepared to die. Similarly, perhaps if you want to be truly happy (assuming company is what makes you happy at this point), then be prepared to be sad as well.

Learn to accept life as a mixture of both happiness and sadness. Acceptance is the key, but don't be too complacent either. I don't know how you'll do this, but I believe this is what can help elevate you from your situation. Easy to say, hard to do, yes. That is part of the challenge.

Ultimately, it is your decision on how you would want to proceed. Again, take this as an unsolicited advice. Feel free to go about your situation otherwise. This is just my opinion overall.

Best of luck to you!

The first thing I always ask is if you have seen a psychologist before. If they diagnose you with something they will be able to help, knowledge is power you know ;) I agree with Fenress, accept life as how it is, sometimes bad stuff happens but that makes us enjoy the good things even more. Do you have pets? How's your family?

Are you afraid to hurt people or are you afraid to be hurt?

Ahhh, another case of 'I don't want to hurt anyone' depression. Okay, live only for yourself. Become selfish. Become prideful. Become overconfident. Make yourself expectations. Believe you can do anything. Stop being fearful of other people's opinions. Be cocky! Be annoying! Be a narcissist for all I care.

Learn to love yourself!

I'm similar to you, ya know! Except I'm not depressed and I can deal with my thoughts.

I actually randomly cried today thinking about how pathetic I am and how I wish I was taller,more good looking and was more sociable because my childhood friend who was once on par with me is now a step ahead of me in everything physical. I cried because I wished I was superior to him! Ha! How narcissistic of me! But ya know what? I laughed afterwards because I realised that I was being pathetic.

Become selfish and want more. That way, your sudden outbursts of tears are easier to deal with.

Live for yourself first, then bring others into your life who you are willing to spend time with.