Solitude seems to be my dream now-a-days. I was about to let out all that is wrong with me. Like a fool. I don't really have friends and those who were once and they believe they still are somehow I find myself making excuses so that I'm left alone. Typically you'd think someone hurt me. That's a yes. Then you'd think an ex boyfriend. Also a yes. He got me worse now a days barging in my life like he owns it. Now I just want to disappear. From the sounds of it you'd think I'm in high school which is close seeing how I graduated this year. Got a job to keep me busy. Now I want to go to college but I don't know for what, yet. But even the thought of being in a classroom full of strangers who'd either want to friend me or know me even the thought of someone falling for me keeps me away. I feel better alone with my kitty than even with family that once brought me comfort. Now I bury myself in books in imagination because It's my only comfort as well as petting, nuzzling, playing, and sleeping sound asleep with my cat who is like my shining armor, even if he doesn't realize it. I know I have a growing problem in me, but I don't even know if I want to even do anything about. My goal set in my head is:
"Earn more money, find a second even third job is have to, leave, don't look back" sorta head. I know I'd still want to visit family but I know I wont be able to much because I want to just run as far away as my legs or then car would take me. I guess I let out mostly one thing. I feel a bit better now. It's just one of the things I don't have anyone to talk about which is a bit saddening to say the least.

Thank you for those who read even though you didn't have to and I'm sorry for just letting out a part of me just like that. It's probably gonna be the last thing I'd ever let out to anyone cause I don't have the courage to do so again.

But I hope everyone has a good life.

life is a lonely road with no friends, and someday if you dont find somebody who you can truly open up to, youll spend the rest of your days alone and wishing that you had let your friends into your mantle of solitude at least once before you closed them off completely.

Thing is where I live even the friends that say they are my friends really aren't. I'm mostly someone they can tell their problems to, but not someone they want to hear out. Plus thanks to my ex doing thins to get to them they kinda got annoyed with me even though its been months since he broke up with me for his needs as he told me. Guess I never really found those kinds of friends you could rely to cause when I've told thins personal to those I thought who were it always backfired.

I get how you're feeling Luna. I hardly ever want to be around others (although that comes from being introverted). Plus, I find it unhealthy to be dependent on others for happiness. But for others, they find joy in spending time with others. Sometimes it's healthier to surround yourself with others, and sometimes it's healthier to take a step away from others and just breathe. Just think about if you will still want the friends you have now, as your friends 1, 3, 5, or 10 years into the future, before you shut them out or continue to foster a relationship. If you feel uneasy in any aspect of your current state, explore new activities, new people, and new places to help you find what you're looking for.
Side-note: Life can just seem overwhelming or drab sometimes right after highschool, especially if you're not attending college or pursuing some other goal. Set a goal and pursue it. If you don't know what that would be, college is a great place to start. All majors have basic classes that are prerequisites that cover a broad range of topics (most math, medical, and science students can't declare their major until junior year). So, as long as you figure out what you want to pursue by your third year, you won't be wasting time or money. Also if you have community colleges in your area, they are great starting point for college (smaller classes, cheaper, and you can get an Associate's, and at some places, a Bachelor's degree). If you want to explore topics before making a financial commitment (because student loans are a nightmare), Ted Talks are fantastic. They cover various topics from the arts to science to civil rights to even topics like architecture (speaking of which, Thomas Heatherwick does fantastic projects, if you want to watch his Ted Talk...almost made me want to go into architecture).
Life is very daunting after highschool. So, explore the unknown, you won't know what's there until you're there.

>>1 Luna, I understand, as well as share, your love of solitude, and the comfort than can be found when you learn to love it. Because of that, I too, neglect my friends and bury myself in books and other fantasy. Solitude becomes an addiction, though, and like every other addiction, a disease. It needs to be tempered with interaction with others. Doesn't need to be with many others, as that is troublesome and stressful, but rather a select few that you can really connect with on a level deeper than small talk. Even though it's uncomfortable, this interaction is needed to prevent losing touch or falling into stagnation.

Also, books are the best thing ever, but too much time reading and living in another, admittedly more interesting and overall preferable, world also brings with it the risk of losing touch. Plus, if you spend too much time in a preferable world, then the reality you're forced to return to becomes worse and worse, until it eventually becomes unbearable.

I also share your flight complex, and the urge to just pack up and take off, without telling anyone. But, no matter how far you run, or for how long, it will never be enough. Problems know no distance, and will perpetually follow you until you deal with them. No matter what location you choose next, the new will eventually wear off, and, soon enough, it will start to seem exactly like the place you just left. The same problems will arise, and and the same troubles with plague you. Not to mention the bridge you would be burning by just disappearing. You may not be able to rebuild it if you ever want or need to.

Your troubles ring very familiar with me, Luna, and I'm sorry that you're plagued by them. Yet, at the same time, i take a sick sort of comfort in knowing there is another fighting the same enemies. I'm a few years further into the battle than you are, being 24 and having graduated back in '09, and I've managed to make it this far, though not without my share of scars and demons. Even though it's been rough, even though there has been plenty of times I wasn't sure I'd make it, I've still made the best of it i could. You really need to find a couple of real friends, or just one, and keep them close. However, never let your happiness become dependent on them, or anyone else. As I said earlier, temper your social time with solitude; find the balance that is best for you.

And never compare what you are going through to anyone else. Just as you hide your troubles, so does everyone else, so it will always seem like they have a better handle on life. But none of us were given a handbook at birth. No one truly has a clue.

As long as you always try the best you can, don't beat yourself up too much. That's retroactive, and will only serve to make everything you're going through seem more difficult. Always remember that tomorrow is a new day, and you can count on the new chance it brings more than you can count on anything else in life.

The life we live, and the world we live in, are both immense and confusing, and can seem insurmountable. But the problems that will, inevitably, arise are, like everything else in this life, are finite, and they too will pass. But, trust me, this life also offers beauty in equal amounts as it does difficulty, perhaps in greater amounts if you get lucky, and know where to look.

I know this was long-winded, but the problems you are facing are really familiar to me, and wanted you to know how i made it this far. I hope my advice, at least a little bit of it, has helped you, or that you even read it, despite it's length. If you would like to talk further, about this or anything, leave me a reply on here, and I'll let you know my email or something.

Best of luck to you, Luna. Always give everything you choose to do your best effort. The best you can is good enough. I hope you get what you want from this life. And if you don't know what you want, I hope this world treats you well. Never give up, my friend.

Skadi and King Edward thanks. I understand what both of you are saying I guess it's just hard to really even look for a friend. I did think about those from high school, but at the end of the day they aren't really the ones I could trust or feel comfortable being around. Now and then I do wish I had someone to talk about my interest or some growing dreams. I do want to go to college even though I feel nervous at the thought, but I want to go when I finally know what I want to do. Which there's two things that interest me but I'm not sure which topic I want the rest of my life to accompany me. Ill check out that Ted Talk, Skadi. I'll also try to find people I could be friends with, Edward. I know its a long shot, but I'll give it a try.

I have to say this is depressing to read, but that's simply because I can relate all too well. I must say though: if you find comfort in solitude, you should embrace that. It's a skill in my eyes, as my dependency for attention and affection only grows every single day.. I have the unfortunate curse of being an unlikable person. I can make friends, but they all disappear within days (sometimes weeks if I'm lucky), and the few who stick around are the manipulators who I unfortunately allowed to suck the joy out of my life - along with my money.
So now here I am... A lonely guy with no purpose just waiting to be consumed by the personality I attempted to create for myself. However, this new personality scares me as well because it might just be my true nature. I guess we'll have to wait and see?

Tony, I get what you mean. Actually people for some reason like me, but I don't even think its cause of me who I am. Mostly cause around people I smile. No matter how bad I feel. Physically or emotionally. But they never are really friends like I said before I'm just someone they confide to but not listen to. I guess it's like I become their diary.
Who we are I guess we figure it out down the road. It's not really who we try to become. Guess we all know in our hearts just don't know how to decipher our own hearts.
I like being alone. It brings me more comfort than being with someone else. Well apart from animal. I got my cat, then my family's dogs which are adorable, but theres one really affectionate. But my cat #1. I love him with all my heart <3
As for people. It's hard to open up face to face. Of course easy here cause nobody knows who I am.
I'd say someone like you I wouldn't mind being friends with. Not like I know true friendship but that would be a start.

Well my phone # is (254) 245-1727, if you would like a texting buddy :p

>>9 Can I call, Buddy?

Do you think that's a risky move Kanra

Guardian is right Kanra. thts risky when you don't know anyone here

>>1 So you don't want to get close to people then? Or rather are not interested in people on a deeper level, like as a friend or boyfriend. You don't seem to mind talking to us because we're just anonymous strangers who you won't see much of or ever get close to you.
I'd say that's fair enough. I'm not one to say "I know what it's like" because I don't believe it's even possible to explain and post all of the different factors and reasons that take place but if anything I respect you for your lack of interest in people, assuming I get what you mean.
I tend to be like that too, I have "friends" but there's no one who I'm truly close enough to to be open with and to even consider a true friend. Relationships are just one of those things that just don't interest me unless done right, and I'm one to question if I'll ever see one.

But if I understand what you're getting at then you have something even more than simply being lost. You are nothing. Only someone who's truly no one with no purpose or true friends would want to simply leave and go as far away as possible. You almost look like you want to start a new life, but then you realise that it would be pointless without a purpose or the right people.

But my plan is very much the same as yours. I got a finished school, got a job and have been saving up money to leave and never return. But where would we go? And what would we do? It really causes problems for people in our positions and there's not much we can really do about a lot of it.
Anyway, I feel bad for talking about me so much so I'll stop. I just felt like it would be significant and possibly relatable in a way (couldn't think of a better word there).

I have no advice really but am curious of people like you. I do have a question though. Do you have some kind of purpose? Or rather, something you want to do, any kinds of goals or dreams. Is it possible to truly be empty? I feel like you probably have something that you feel might mean the entire world to you but you are really hesitant to share it.

Anyway, good luck finding what you're after. Anyway I tend to be off in my own world/perception of things so feel free to just ignore me if you want. Please post if anything happens though, the more you share the more we understand. See ya ^^

Toforeversigh thats pretty much how i am. N thts true about findin a place. Its hard. That's y I really want to travel anywhere everywhere before I find a place for me. My family is one thing that holds me back a bit but im not really thay up to staying in this place. It just doesnt feel like a home for me.