I was suicidal a long time ago, I dealt with a lot of self hatred and whatnot. That was all years ago, but lately, every time I think about life and the future and everything I think about dying a lot. Just quick easy ways out. I try to ignore them but they're always in the back of my mind... What does it all mean? Why am I so focused on leaving this world? I don't wanna die..

Well, I think it happenes to pretty much everyone sometimes. Rather than ignoring those thoughts, just accept them. Remember, that there's still a lot ahead of you and you can make your life how you want it. It all starts from accepting yourself, liking yourself for who you are. And if you want to change something - change it. You may need someone to talk to, or simply want to feel appreciated. That's totally normal. Find something you like doing and keep doing it and you're bound to meet some people who like the same thing. I guess that's how you make connections and we all kinda need them at least from time to time.
When I feel like that, I'm simply like: 'I'm too lazy to do it anyway, and it's not like I won't have time to kill myself some other time, and by killing myself I'm probably gonna miss something funny, so I guess I'm simply tired, it's time to take a nap. (And anime isn't going to just watch itself)' XD

Am I alone with the thoughts that I have?
I'm afraid that I'm scared of myself
Am I the only one to doubt who I am?
Wish I was someone else

Everytime I try to swim, it pulls me,
pulls me deeper down
Everytime I try to fly, it holds me,
holds me to the groud

It tells me I'm a freak,
drains me,
the monster inside of me
Freak
Save me
The enemy is inside of me

Would be easier to fight someone else
than the war I fight within
It's impossible to hide from yourself
Where do I begin?

Everytime I dare to dream it wakes me,
wakes me with a cry
Everytime I dare to love it hates me,
hates me 'til it dies

It tells me I'm a freak,
drains me,
the monster inside of me
Freak
Save me
The enemy is inside of me

Screaming, laughing, the voice is inside my head
Freak, silent echo inside my head

Love me, can you even love at all
show me, show me what I ought to know
Mirror, mirror mirror on the wall
tell me, tell me that I'm beautiful

It tells me I'm a freak,
drains me,
the monster inside of me

Freak
drains me
the monster inside of me
Freak
Save me
The enemy is inside of me


- Once you embrace this part, I assure you you'll be better off in the world. You don't actually want to die. But you want to get away from the world. I get this feeling all the time. Think of it more as an evolution. The world, the environment you live in wants to run away from what's true, death, sadness, negative emotions, and you are not. Those who don't feel this have a unbalance in their yin and yang, they suffer something deep. But unless you embrace the feeling you're having, you'll also have that imbalance but in the opposite direction.

You've got the ability to control time if you understand this. Figure out how to slow it down and answers will come to you, you might even understand what I'm trying to get it.

Thanks guys, this has been pretty eye opening, I'll definitely take your advice. It's funny how I feel so safe talking to people I've never met haha. Anyways, you guys all rock!

Why not try to distract yourself? Like reading books...that's what I do. Then you'll feel like the there are people with much more terrible problems than you :P Lol, even though they are fictional characters :)

-P.S. Hope I'm not too late

Hey. I know life can be really depressing. The cycle of all things has everything die at some point (except eternal jellyfish. Eternal jellies are f**king cool). I thought this was the end of the cycle for along time. The truth though is that, while death is a part of life, life too comes from death, and without it life would further not exist. Death is not bad, it promotes life in the same way that studying out of fear for exams promotes passing.

I really do love you guys, thanks for lifting me up, I'm just really nervous about a big life change coming up. You see, I'm enlisting in the Army. I'm enlisting because it's my only option I have to be successful in life, I know I can excel in the Army it's just that I'm afraid. I don't like living in fear. I lived most of my life afraid of what was to come and now that I've moved past that it's a very unwelcome feeling, being afraid of what is to come.

Life wouldn't be so precious if it never had an end

Be careful not to let fear of change consume you. Remember the fact that one of the only constants in life is change.
If you are afraid of change, then you are afraid of living life to the fullest

Everyone is afraid of change, weather its the change into the afterlife or afraid of moving, enlisting in the Army is not your only option but if it's something you want to do, don't let anyone stop you. You are successful already btw, just by overcoming suicidal thoughts and depression is something that a lot of people have a hard time overcoming. You don't have to have a 'big name' to be considered successful. The word successful itself means to accomplish an aim or purpose so you've been successful your whole life, weather it was getting an A on a test or learning how to walk.