At the moment, I am feeling very obsolete... A bunch of my friends are talking to new people... And just... Not talking to me anymore... I want to think this is just petty jealousy... But I just can't. It is really troubling. I know people make new friends, I have known that for my whole life. I make new friends, friends have made new friends. Right now, it just seems as if they are consciously avoiding me. Anyone have any advice? I don't know what I want advice on, I just feel like I need some advice.

Observed your friends ~

Hey man, I know what you're going through--the same thing happened to me over the course of the past year. I felt so angry, confused, and hurt. I felt...stuck. Like I had stagnated as a person. My social safety net, the people I relied on to help keep me grounded--the people I felt most like "me" around just up and vanished. I didn't know what lonely was until I had come to grips with the fact that my closest friends, the ones I had spent more than a decade with, were gone or fading away. All the time, the effort, the intimacy, all those good memories...it was awful to know all of that was concluding. But then I realized that nothing had concluded. Even though my friends weren't around, I was still me. I still had my whole life ahead of me. I made it through and you will too.

I learned a number of things going through that rough patch. The first thing that hit me was that people change. The friends you thought you knew so well are now moving on with their lives. They're moving in a different direction and potentially moving on without you, especially if there's a lot of geographic distance/career choice differences/different interests/new different life priorities between you and them. It may also be because they have a new boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend. What's important to keep in mind is that their unresponsiveness to you is not targeted against you. They are trying to find their way, ground themselves, and react to happenstance just as you are. Sometimes friendships, even longstanding ones, will just slowly atrophy and fade away. And it's not out of some malicious intent. It just happens. The good news is you never know sometime down the road, if these friends are truly interested in continuing their friendship with you, they will reach out to you or will accept your reaching out to them. I know that's not reassuring to hear right now, but in time you will find peace with all this tumult. These friends were a happy chapter in your life that has now ended, but in time it will get better.

Speaking of time, that's one of the most important things to give yourself. There are a lot of feelings happening inside of you right now. It may sound weird to hear, but you have to allow yourself time grieve. Something you love has died, is dying, or is drastically changing. Your social homeostasis has been thrown out of whack. Also, I don't know what stage you are in your life, but if you're out of college and/or have started working, the anxiety around finding a new circle of friends can be daunting even if you're an extroverted person. Let that uncertainty and loneliness phase itself out. You have to let yourself recover first. Recovery like this doesn't have a fixed timeline, so you may get over this hump very quickly or it may sit with you for a long time. What's important along with sorting yourself out internally is finding a safe outlet to make sure you don't slip into a deep funk.

There were two things that really helped me. The first thing was my family, especially my parents. Knowing someone who's much older than you and that you trust can really help you get perspective on life. Older folks have seen sagas like this play out time and again and can be a great source of strength and a good source of stability when you're down in the dumps. Plus, older people, especially mentors/parents/grandparents, care about you in a deep way that I can't even conceive because I'm not at that age yet. When you're in stormy waters, you want the seasoned sailors on your ship.

The second thing was making a change. Nothing drastic like changing jobs, moving away, getting a tattoo, or buying a mail-order bride or something. Find something to add to your daily routine. Something fun that you're good at/want to get good at that can channel your passion in a positive direction. It's even better if that something can be done with other people. Finding a club, church, or group to do things with can really help pull you up by your bootstraps. Also, that can be a good new source of friends, or at least like-minded people you can connect with.

I hope this helps. You'll get through this. I know you will. And you're going to be a stronger person than you thought you could be.

Well, thanks for the advice. Hope it will help.