Can I just rant a moment.. I'm feeling a little butthurt because today just started for me and its not going in a positive direction. So a big "fuck you" to my disorder. My heart goes out to others with impairments, mental or otherwise, because I get it. It sucks.

You didn't ask for this, and I didn't either, but we got it. People may not always understand it and its beyond our control. Going to bed happy doesn't mean anything when your brain plays Russian roulette with your emotions each morning. Logically I should be fine, but then again logically my brain shouldn't be this broken system of chemicals that make me feel these out of context emotions.

I use to envy kids with physical impairments, because at least they have visible explanation as to what is wrong. How was I to explain to my peers that sometimes I wake up having a panic attack or wishing to end life with no idea why I even felt so distraught in the first place. To recognize the crippling sensation of depression, and only cry harder because its not like you want to die, but goddamnit it hurts, your body and mind and spirit are in pain and you don't know why but it hurts and you just want the pain to stop and now your panicking because you realize this is your life. Forever. And it doesnt just go away.

You feel nervous letting anyone in your life be there for you because people don't understand that brain sick is still sick.. It doesn't make you crazy and its no more your fault for having it than it would be if you had cancer. It's just there.

*drops mic, exists stage* v.v;

Maaannn, I feel this so much. I have selective mutism, so I'm unable to talk at times. You don't even know how many times I've been threatened to talk. And how many times my grade has dropped due to me not talking. And none of it's my fault! I want to talk but this stupid disorder won't let me!!!!!!
Seriously, this does suck. It especially sucks when people tell you to get over it. Like, it's not that easy?? Do you go up to cancer patients and tell them to get over it? No. Why tell it to mentally ill people? It's so annoying.