I'm making plans as to prepare myself for the worse if somehow my scholarship would be terminated.

My fellow scholarship classmates had been suspended right now in their scholarship allowance since they failed in some of their subjects, most of them are math. Fortunately for me, I knitted my eyebrows hard enough during my studies for me to pass every subject that I took. But as a human, i can't assure myself that this will be consistent throughtout the whole of my 5 years of college time, since I'm still at first year. The problem is that I depend on this scholarship program just to enter college, my family can't support me; my parents are on bad terms and I cannot possibly hope them to provide allowance and tuition fees.

I also have this problem, with both of my parents. Currently I'm residing with my mother's brother's house, since we don't have any house on the city, her brother is out of the country and both I and my mother are taking care of it. We don't have electricity and we use only lamps. I am afraid that this would affect my health espescially my vision, this would worsen my diplopia that I acquired since childhood. I am aware that my vision would soon deteriorate but I don't care much as long as I finish college. But what troubles me is our financial needs. My scholarship allowance, even though our tuition is paid in full, isn't enough to last within a month with both of us. I was thinking of getting help with my father, but I can't since my mom despises my father. This happened because my father has many affairs with women, and often taped videos of them having sexual intercourses. It was on 4th grade (elem), when I was asked by my mother to make CD copies of my father's video tapes for evidences for a court, that I found out. But my mother didn't succeeded in putting my father behind bars. Surprisingly enough, my mother left and with I with the hands of my father. well I don't want to make this long, but several circumstances had happened that now I am currently with my mother. I finished high school and now at college. Fortunately I was able to get into College for a certain scholarship that I passed; one of the hardest in our country.

But now, I can't get help with my father. I'm living with my mother and if I try to contact my father, my mother would think I betrayed her and maybe, kick me out of the house. That would be a problem since I don't have enough money to get a rent. And there's also my scholarship that I have to retain, I have to maintain about 85% of my average grade for every semester. I have been skipping eating food to provide budget for my projects, and I need a good place to study. My vision is also bugging me; my dipoplia is getting worse as I try to study every night with dim lights. The worse part is that I chose a very hard course, Engineering. And our school is known to be very hard, failing students who can't attain the standards.

Planning ahead, I would probably fail one of my subjects one day and will take summer classes. My allowance would be suspended. But I also have to pay summer classes, and this is not covered with my scholarship. I was thinking of having a part-time job intended for this problem; I would adjust my schedules for me to have a leeway in the night for a job. But this would affect my study schedules, and I am certain that I would be very tired in the morning and this would affect my performance in my subjects. I have also this thought of changing my course to Computer Science. Computer Engineering is way too hard. But I absolutely like my current course, even if I have problem on math, I don't wanna give up on it.

So, maybe any suggestion you can recommend to me with my current situation, just speak up your mind and I'll listen.

As far as I know, the two first college years are the hardests (at least in engineering studies in France, but since courses were made alike in Europe there's no reason it'll be != for you.)

Keep working engineering at college and in a few semesters it will get better. Every cloud has a silver lining.

To get some money you can work during the summer vacations.

Also, can't your mother let your father participate in your studying ?
She can't prevent it, she can be at odd with your father but that's not a reason to make you an hostage of the situation.

Can't you email your father from a computer at school ? Or explain to your mother that you're fed up with their quarrel ?

>>2 yes I've tried to do that but my consciousness always tells me that I shouldn't since if my mother finds out, it will not be a good story.

My mother is very hard to boil. I usually don't talk to her much and I pretty much don't care on what she do. She isn't always in the house because she has friends to hang out with. So mostly I'm alone at home studying.

I think I will try your suggestion of having a job at summer. Now I'm currently having a part-time at a clinic where I make the schedules for the patients. Also the atmosphere here is friendly and my coworkers (especially the nurses) are very kind. Sometimes I also talk with patients which is giving me a good reason to stay in this job.

(This thread was pushed down to the 23rd but I'll reply since someone did. Even though its late. I apologize greatly.)