well, i have had a rough past. my mother was a foreigner and since my father did not allow me to learn her language, i could never tell her that he raped me... it was not better at school either.. i was HATED by my class. i remember them saying that i should die so that they won't be seeing my face again. i was called ugly. fat. frog and more. i was so alone. but i liked that. because that was the only time i was safe. but when i turned 9. i moved into a foster family. i am 17 now and i could not be happier. i have a boyfriend. a family that shows REAL love. and i have friends, close ones to! but.. i can´t get the feeling out of me. i feel like i have the dark shadow inside of me. still saying "you are not worth it" and what makes me hate myself is what my father made me do. animal torture.. i did not know it was wrong! but today. i know the truth. what i did was horrible. but i do not do those thing today. and i know that i should not be thinking about my past like this, but.. i feel like i have too much that i deserve. i don´t want anyone to get hurt. i want everyone to be protected. i NEVER hated anybody. not even my father. when he died. i went to his funeral because i just.. well, i don´t want to feel "happy" that somebody are dead. but when i entered the church. it was empty. there was only my crying mother and her sister in there. my father was not very liked by people i guess..he was drunk and a psycho. even though i would forgive him. i would never live with my biological family. i still can´t talk to my mother. but i don´t think i want that either.. since she knew all about it i think.. i have this flash back that she went into the room when "that" happened and just stared. and went quietly out. i could forgive her as well. she is mentally ill and so was my father. i can forgive them. i already have, i have forgiven the bullies. but i will never forgive myself for what I did before. i that is why i won't do the same again. i refuse to turn my past into my future. i will fight to prevent it. i will make it up for it and prove that what i did was wrong. but i myself are not wrong. i have to tell myself this. always. if you have the same problem, please remember. i will forgive you. because. you regret it, and that means that you care.

Don't blame yourself for what you did, you were forced and you didn't know better anyways. You are worth it, I can see from just this post that you are a great person, you were able to forgive your parents even after all that, not everyone can do that, people like you is what give me hope in humanity, so yes you are worth it, you deserve being happy, you deserve your boyfriend, you deserve to be treated nicely, you deserve your new loving family, you deserve everything good you have in your life and even more.
Try not to think that much about your past and don't blame yourself for it at all, it's not your fault. If you need anything remember that all the dollars are always here for you :) Oh and btw, you are beautifull <3

you are worth it. You didn't know better then, and now that you do know better you feel guilty. That's a sign that you're truly a good person, you could just as easily say "oh. I didn't know better and I was forced to so it's really not my fault" but no, instead you accept responsibility and feel bad about it. This means that you are a truly good person. Also you somehow found it in yourself to forgive them this means you're not only a good person bit also kind and compassionate. So you absolutely do deserve all of the good in your life, heck you probably deserve more than you have.

P.S. if you ever need someone to talk to about anything at all
My email is sythren.dollars@gmail.com feel free to contact me.

"just one word can change a lot" i know that is true now. because of what you just said, made me so much happier. thank you so much! ^_^

I'm glad we could help :)
And thank you Sythren you just reminded me we got emails XD
Here is mine if you need anything: noboruu.dollars@gmail.com
If you need to talk I'm here for you :) and alot of other dollars are here too :) you are not alone <3

thank you so much ^_^

You're welcome Anniz ^_^ I'm really glad I could help ^_^