I'm not even sure if this is something worth mentioning. because I don't know how bad it is. But I'm gonna go ahead with it.

Basically, like the title of the thread says, I low-key wanna die. And I say low-key because I wouldn't call myself suicidal. I couldn't imagine myself purposely taking my own life, because I would never want to cause my friends and my family that sort of pain. But if something else killed me instead... I wouldn't mind that so much. I wouldn't put a gun to my head. But I also don't want to look both ways when I'm crossing the street, or wear seat belts, or be careful when I'm doing dangerous things. It's like I'm just waiting for a horrible accident to happen to me, but it just never does.

Once there was a fire in my apartment building, and as I was going down the fire escape I thought about how it wasn't my preferred method, but hey whatever works, right? I just don't really value my life. I think I'm like this because when I think about the future, I can't imagine myself being happy. I wouldn't say I'm super depressed all the time, and there are times when I /feel happy, but it doesn't last. My life is dull unless there's someone with me who temporarily makes it less dull. I know my future is just going to be me stressing and working a job I'm not interested in, because I'm hardly interested in anything anymore. I just don't see a point in staying alive, other than the fact that people would be upset if I didn't stay alive. So I'm just going through the motions and rolling with it, because I don't want to disappoint anyone.

If there was some way to stop existing without having to die, I'd do that. Definitely. If I could go to sleep and just keep sleeping, I'd do that. Sometimes I really, really wish I could.

Dollars, I just want to know how bad this sounds to you guys. Like should I try to talk to someone for real about this or just wait and see if it'll pass? (Been feeling like this for a few months now btw. I haven't told anyone because I don't want to cause them any trouble or worry them. I'm also scared to try explaining this to my parents, bc I feel like they'll just shame me for it... it's basically what they did every other time I tried talking with them about feelings and stuff. I don't know. I'm just scared and bad at communicating.)
Thanks in advance to anyone who tried to help me out here...

alright well, this was a bit aching for me to read however I know where you're coming from. it was just a few days ago I felt the same way. And it was because I felt I knew everything I needed to survive in the world, not trying to sound like Izaya but anything became predictable, heck some people are calling me a seer now. I might be the fortunate one here as I was able to talk to my mother about it and I found my answer, I lacked vision. Then my sister came and put the pieces together for me and said I'm only given as much as I can handle, meaning I had to direct it towards something. I can't really say but maybe you're feeling this way too.

If you're parents never usually handle your serious talk well then here's some advice which I hope will help:

I never go directly into the problem I'm having when talking about it to someone. I start off with some normal talk. What I said was, "hey mum, I've started finding school pretty good and the people are pretty easy to communicate with". Then follow it up with something that sounds a bit of a throw-off, light such as, "but now after a while I'm starting to find them boring, too predictable". She might ask why or what's up and then you follow it with what you actually wanted to talk about.


But I guess like you I tried to wait and see if my problem passed which it barely didn't so then I went to talk. If you have friends who are into talking about serious matters try with them, not with those guys that are really really bubbly and think everything is fun, you'll just end up more hurt. If you've got an older sibling try with them, as much as it's weird, siblings have a connection with you which your parent can never attain with you, fact. But if you're confident enough, you can always try your parents.

So take care gagiru

>>1 This life really is weird like that, we never know what we're supposed to do with it so we just wait for that something to intervene. You are in an interesting stage of your life where, I would say, that "you are nothing." Whether you live or die doesn't matter to you but you aren't going to go out of your way to die. You feel like you have a responsibility to live out your life here, a choice that you feel you have to pick, but have no interest in it and hope that something happens to you so that it's not your decision. You said you're not interested in much anymore, so simply put I'll say it again, "you are nothing."

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean that as an insult, I'm merely trying to use words to describe the state that I think you are in. To be able to say that you want something to happen to you that will end your life here is something you can only say once you've gotten to a point where nothing here is truly important to you anymore.

If I'm even vaguely close then please keep reading, I tend to be off in my own world sometimes and can only see so many factors so I could be completely wrong about this. But I went through a stage where I became nothing. I had no purpose, no one that I cared about and nothing that even really interested me. But I could never even bring myself to consider suicide because of how young I am/was. My thoughts were that my life is going to keep changing, things will happen and there's no way of me knowing that what happens in the future isn't worth me living through this to get to. But enough about my life story. I can't remember what my point was or if I had one.

But the idea is interesting, of wanting something to happen to you so you die but not wanting to kill yourself. It reminds me on my thoughts on whether something's right or wrong. My thoughts were that there are two aspects to it, there's the actual action/deed and then there's the intention behind it, and they don't necessarily always go together. You can hurt someone with good intentions or you can make someone happy when doing something with the intention to hurt them. So what I wonder is how it works with this kind of thinking of suicide. From that logic it almost makes it look like wishing to die and commiting suicide are pretty much the same thing but I believe in this situation there's more factors involved. I feel like I might be in a similar situation to you (in a way) because my life is stagnant and I guess I am nothing but rather than wishing for death what I wish for is a story. I want something to happen to me that starts my story and makes my life start moving again. Now I bring this up because I think that our two perceptions or "wishes" both are for the same kind of thing. We both want fate or whatever you want to call it to make the move for us, because where we are at we feel like we can't make it ourselves.

Now I've probly rambled on way too long so I'll stop here since you've probly long since lost interest in my post. I hope to get a reply to this and find out how relevant what I said to this scenario but if I'm making no sense then that's okay too. I realised I didn't put any advice in but I hope that I could help you figure out a few of the elements that take place here and get you thinking and figuring out what you think of it. If you have questions or have more to say then I'm more than willing to keep replying but if you don't need me I'll just sink away into the background of anonymous online users. Hope it all goes well ^^

Write to opio.quortez@gmail.com if anyone wna me to help kill em or just chat if u don dare to die. Anyway text me. I'll find you interesting. You can also fb text me I'm Opio Quortez with Izaya's image as profile picture

I'm not sure what kind of situation you're in right now but I believe someone is looking up to you whether they know you by name or simply pass by on the street. Do not and I mean absolutely do not consider suicide, it's such a waste to throw yourself away like that.

I'll leave a link to this music video, maybe it'll help you out.
amazarashi - "Digging Holes"

Then why don't you just let yourself to slowly die then ? Not that it matters much but I think you value ur freedom above your own safety.. If u don't pick urself up from that state then u'll just be a burden to every1 around u

Go to a back alley everyday and refuse to hand your money over.

I can only describe it from my personal experience but I’ve also had a kind of “dull life” phase, if I may call it like this. I just felt like life is kind of useless because after graduating you’ll be looking for a job, then work your a** off for years and in the end you’ll just die without having accomplished anything. But instead of dyeing I just wanted to break out and escape the treadmill of my everyday life. What helped me was trying out different hobbies and activities until something sounded interesting to me. Spending time doing all kinds of stuff made me feel alive again. When you’re not interested in most things try to explore the few things you like more and inform yourself if there is a job that has something to do with your interests or you could look for activities/hobbies you haven’t put in consideration yet. Maybe you’ll find something that makes you feel exited and you have a talent for. That way you might find a job that doesn’t seem idiotic or boring to you as well. If there is a job that could fulfill you maybe your future won’t seem as boring to you.

As for talking to someone. When I talked to my parents I always started with some small talk and slowly got to the things I really wanted to talk about. Then I analyzed how they reacted to it. If they didn’t listen to me when I started to get to the point or were like “typical kid in puberty” (believe me I know how it feels to be not taken seriously, being ridiculed and so on) I stopped, otherwise I kept talking. If you have a good friend whom you can trust, talk to him. The more he is into serious stuff and likes to talk about deep subjects the better. And if you have more questions or whatever just talk to me or the guys who offered a friendly ear earlier in this Thread. :)
Just remember you are never alone with your problems, ok?

Take care gagiru.

Please don't let yourself die just like that ! Please realize the value of your life, I think that you just haven't found the meaning of your life yet, but hey it's not a reason to want to abandon your life ! I don't believe that it's worth wanting to die, because after all we don't really know what the future has for us right ? And who knows maybe you'll meet someone nice in the future who'll stick around with you and make you feel the sweetness of life again ! It'll be such a waste to quit now , please think it over !

Ah jeez I feel the need to respond to almost everyone here. So yeah here goes.

>>2 Our situations sound similar but a little bit different. But thanks a lot for the advice. I think I could at least try talking to my parents... I think it's probably worth trying, yeah?

>>3 You aren't "vaguely close," you're actually right on the dot... Like that's it. I've been thinking "hey I'm still only a teenager, maybe things will change for me later" without really believing it, but it's an excuse to stick around, yknow? Also, I'd take having a story in my life over death. I mean, I think somewhere along the way I kind of gave up on being something other than "nothing," so death just felt like the next best choice? But well... a story would be a reason to not be dead. And if I'm not dead then I won't be fucking up people's lives. So that's a good thing, but it's just... an odd concept. Seems unreal to me.

And I didn't lose interest. I wouldn't mind if you kept talking actually.

>>5 Thanks. I might take you up on that when I have the time.

>>6 I'm not gonna lie, that video fucked me up. Because I think's it's kinda funny how I'll let words like those roll off my tongue, but then when I see it coming from someone else, I get so sad. I end up thinking or saying things like "no no don't do that, your life is valuable and everything gets better someday I promise!" But if only I could only say that about myself without feeling like a liar, huh?
For real, thank you though. Self-reflection like ^that is important, I think. I got told once that self-reflection is always the answer, and now is one of those times that that feels relevant to me. And thanks for saying those things. It means a lot, no kidding.

>>7 Aren't we all slowly dying from the day we're born? Shit, man
And yes, I know I'll be a burden. I wish I could just pick myself up. I've been trying.
>>8 I don't even know if you were trying to be funny or just a jerk, but thanks for the laugh anyway.

>>9 Thanks for the advice about talking to my parents. Easing into it like that definitely seems easier than saying "yeah so I kinda wanna die" right off the bat, haha.
Thank you.
I actually forget that I'm not alone with my problems. I always try to just deal with things on my own. You and everyone else on this thread are really more than I could've asked for.

>>10 I'm still alive (amazingly) I don't think it's really worth wanting to die either, but... here I am. :D
You sound so sincere here, like so sincere it hurt. Thanks for caring.

>>11 Both, and it works if your neighborhood isn't safe

>>11 I feel like you have a different focus, you seems really focused on whether you'd hurt others or not. I guess the way I'd describe it is that you have a lot of unclear burdens. You've been put into a position where you know and are close enough to people around you that you could significantly hurt them. This makes you feel like you have a responsibility to them, one that you might not want. Even death itself you feel like you have a duty to stick around in this life longer. So if I'm not mistaken, you saying that you "low key want to die" is just your way of saying that you want these burdens placed upon you to disappear, and you can't find any other way to do that while still remaining among the living.

I really don't know what came over me there, I feel like I'm being rude by trying to analyze you so much. I guess I'll start ranting then. One of the things that frustrates me about this world is how little choice we seem to have about everything really. It's easy to say we have free will and can do what we want but what our options are and what range they reach out to is all dependant on luck. We have no control over where we're born, who our family is, every factor that influences us as we grow up. And by the time we're fully aware of our true self and have figured out who we really are we find ourself in a strange position that has built up over time.
Have you ever wanted to just leave or "disappear" from your old life and start a new one as your true self? You have the logical burden of feeling the need to stick around in this life don't you? So had that thought ever ocurred to you? I'm not suggesting it but it's been something I'd think about a lot so it made me wonder if you did too.

Now you said something that I found interesting. You said you gave up on being something other than "nothing". Do you ever have any doubts? Have you truly thought about what you could be if you weren't "nothing"? You don't live for other people, that's just being a slave or a robot, you need to have something for yourself. One thing that really got to me was a line in Berserk. The leader of the Band of the Hawk said that he didn't consider any of them as his friends. He said to be his friend you have to be his equal in every way and have your own dream, not just live in the shadow of someone elses. I don't know the actual quotes but I hope you got the idea, I'm sure there was a reason I felt the need to bring it up...

But I think deep down there is something in this life for you. I think the problem with moving to the next level up is that there's so much confusion and unknown factors that make it unclear even what it is we are after, but I'm sure there's something. I think there's a reason we live as long as we do, if it were simple to find that something we're after there wouldn't be a need for us to live as long as we do. I think you will slowly figure it out over time. And besides, a struggle is what makes us develop in stories, the fact that this world is like this makes us undergo different kinds of struggles to the ones we're used to and expect, maybe on some level above us to them this is a great story. :)
Or something... I'm not claiming to know how life works, there's no such thing as a teacher in this world, only other people struggling along next to you.

On a different note, one last thing for this post. I feel like there are factors that we need to isolate, and bring to focus. If we've brought enough focus and significance to a certain factor we will find that when we're in certain situations, we will better know how to react and take it in. I don't know if what I said made sense, or if it can be put into words, but I feel like there's something significant that I was trying to get at. And when I say factors, I'm not talking about the one's you'd expect. I don't know what else to say about that but I hope you figure it out someday. The only advice that I feel I'm allowed to say is to put a lot of thought into different things and explore new concepts. Give yourself the goal of becoming something. A goal that is a paradox, you can't have a purpose and be nothing can you? Best of luck ^^

You asked to hear more so I wrote more, although I feel more like I was in a different mood and had a different mindset this time. I'd like to hear more from you though, I feel like you could say something interesting. I can ramble on all day about different things I've thought about but it tends to just feel like I'm just doing it for me, and that the person I'm writing to and the original reason for the event itself don't mean much to me and won't go anywhere. I guess I'll stop then...

Well its like reading my own story in a different angle. You're lucky enough to be experiencing this feeling for a month and that somehow you might find the answer that you're looking for. And when you find the answer don't forget to share to the ones that are still searching for years now. basis is me tho

>>14 I'm definitely pretty lucky, yeah. And I will, definitely.

>>13 I guess it can be called a burden. At some points it feels like that more than anything else. But tbh I know I should probably be thanking them. Like I know I shouldn't die, and I think I've always known that this state of mind I'm in isn't exactly healthy, and really they're the only reason I'm still around. While I am at least somewhat thankful, I'm still kind of disappointed about it?

I remember having a dream a few months ago where I tried to kill myself. In the dream, I was found by my friend before it was too late, and I "woke up" in the hospital with my four closest friends standing by my bed. In the dream, I felt loved since they were all there with me. When I woke up for real, in my room, still alive, I felt vaguely upset that I woke up at all. It's pretty weird.

I have wanted to disappear before, yeah, but not to relive my life as my "true self," because I feel like the me I am right now? That's my true self. There've been lots of times I wanted to live my life as someone else. Or maybe I would start over as me, but just... not as I am now. Maybe like... me if I was turned inside out and given some sort of talent to work on or goal to pursue or dream to fulfill or something. (Wait is that what you would define as one's true self?)

I've always wondered what I could be. Like what could I be if I were more driven, more consistent, more focused, more passionate. More everything. And it's funny, I always thought of myself as living for other people. I would just bend myself to suit them. Of course when needed I'd do things for my own benefit, but never really anything too big because in the end, I feel that the only thing I'm good for is helping other people. I used to tell myself, the meaning of my life is to have no meaning. To keep going without arriving anywhere. Just go. And where else would I direct my energy but towards other people? That's just my nature, I guess. To give.
And that was what I concluded. I think I only wanted something to cling to, and that way I could pretend that I wasn't "nothing." It's complicated and probably pretty stupid, but hey whatever.

I'm a person who likes picking people's brains too, so I can't really be mad at you here haha. I think you have a lot of interesting things to say, and it feels good to be understood this much, you know? Usually people think I'm hard to decipher or something, so I've never really had someone analyze me like this.

Thank you so much for all the advice and all the things you told me here. (Seriously it's all really valuable stuff. I'm trying to soak up every word of it.) Jeez I hardly even know how to say thanks right now. I thought I would regret making this thread, but it didn't turn out that way. If I ever do become something I'll definitely still remember this.

I wish you good luck in any of your struggles, too. Thank you.

I sort of know how you feel. I cant say I know because I'm not you, but I'm in a similar state of mind.

Lol. You guys are being kind of edgy. I understand where you're all coming from because I've felt this way for the past 6 years or so. It's normal, quite a few people feel this way commonly. Just push forward, don't harm anyone else, and if that moment is meant to happen, it'll happen. Also to the people complaining about how the world has "suddenly come predictable", welcome to the real world. It is this way and always has been because everyone tries to be special and different and act the same, get over it like the rest of us. Trust me, I know and agree, it's boring, but you complaining and adding to the cycle of trying to put yourself out there as something special isn't helping so ye. Anyways, good luck all~ /0/

I think I'm in the same situation as you are but in my case I don't mind my friends or family, in my case I live only for love

>>15 You really seem to care about others. I guess I could say that you think of yourself as a side character but secretely want to be the main character and have your own story. Like you don't have enough existence or significance to truly be something and have your own purpose so you decided to make yourself someone to help others with theirs. Living for others is like abandoning the dreams or purposes you might have and decided to help other fulfill their purpose/dreams. I feel like I just said that, actually, I don't know if that one worked anyway...

And when I say burden, I mean in the way that you have a kind of responsibility that you feel like you have no choice over. Like even the fact that you feel like you should feel thankful for what they've done, I'd say is a burden, in a way. Also, that dream you had made it look a bit like you feel underappreciated. The idea being that if an event happened where you could have died they'd realise how different it would be if you weren't there and understand your significance. I don't know if that's the case but I figured I'd put it out there as an idea.

Oh and with the true self stuff don't worry about it. I guess it was different with me because to me, I'd say that I didn't truly become me until like 2 years ago when I changed and figured out who I really was. I guess it depends on the situation because I had some really obvious changes but to some people it might be more subtle.

I wouldn't really say that I understand you though, maybe comparitively but I've always lived from the perspective that no one can truly understand anyone. There's just too many factors and variables that we can't see, we are only humans and humans are really really stupid. But yeah, I'm glad I've been able to help, seeing someone think like this gives me a flicker of hope for the future :).

And sorry if I use strange ways of putting things, my mind's gone all weird so I don't know how anything I say comes across to people that aren't me. I didn't write as much this time but I guess I was a little rushed. Before I go though, I have to say that I wonder if you've given up on yourself. You've given up the dream of being the main character in your story. I don't know what it's like being you so I can't blame you but maybe do you think you could give it another chance? Put lots of thought into it and look for it, I'm sure there's something for you that is what you want but don't know. But yeah, that's all for me today, sorry I didn't say as much as usual. See ya ^^

>>1 I honestly know how you feel. I felt like this once, having to die without even dying.

But, you don't really have to do anything about it. Talk to people, talk to your family, play video games, watch cartoons or anime or your favorite movie.

letting fate lead you to where you want to be was a horrible idea. Look where it's gotten me. I've become suicidal, or something. Don't let fate decide for you.

When I say talk to people, I really mean doing it. It can be in various ways. Emails, fb, twitter, gmails, yahoo, leaving friendly notes (It makes some people's days happy. Other times, it creeps them out. XD) But really. Talk to people, help people, you'll see that you wouldn't need to die.

Dying without killing yourself is like this. Be a new person for other people. Know what's best for yourself. If you don't know what you want for yourself, try thinking of what others would want.

But, hey, I'm just being cocky. haha.

Helping people makes you smile and figure out what you want with life because when you help people, at the end of the job, you get to think about what more you can do.

I'll shut up now.

Bruh it's finna lit XD