Ok. It's been a while since I asked for help on this site, but right now I think I need it most since I've just started my sophomore year of high school. I have, I guess, a couple of problems I need advice and help on. Alright, near the end of the school year a friend of mine had suddenly stopped hanging out with our group of friends. It would have been normal if she hadn't tried her darn hardest to avoid my friends and I. I'd known this girl since we were in third grade and I felt like I had done something to upset her. I was the last person to talk to her and whenever I talked to her she would ignore me. Lots of other friends who the girl and I knew for a long time were also being ignored. We thought something bad had happened to her so we tried to get her to talk to us again. That never happened. It was only until the friends we'd known for a long time and I gave her a gift/letter explaining how worried we were did she finally text us. She still hadn't explained anything.
Now school has started again and I feel off. She's talking to me again but I feel... I feel like her and I are back to square one. I'm an extremely shy person who gets scared by people. I'm a clumsy and awkward individual unless with close friends. With close friends I act like a fearless and outgoing person (sadly it takes a long time for people to get there). I can't bring myself to even talk to her and I guess giving her the gift was my way of saying goodbye.
The issues right now are a couple of things. First one, I feel like cutting off ties with the rest of my friends from other schools, the ones I've known since elementary school. The reason for this is that I feel like they don't care much for me. I know they care more for the other friend, so if I cut ties with her they'll cut ties with me so it's best to be the first one to be over with it than the last, right? Yet part of me says I shouldn't since one of my other friends carpools with me to school.
Second off, one of my friends lives in Hawaii (we'll call her J). She moved there about two years ago, but we have been talking almost every day since. She tells me everything and her other friend, we'll call her L, also talks to me. L and I both look out for J since J's parents are abusive. L and I basically take care of her as best as we can. Recently, I had a nervous breakdown because school has been stressing me out. She told me that it pissed her off when I didn't tell her what was wrong with me. She wants to help me. The only problem with that is that I don't see my emotions as being bad. This is a fatal flaw of mine, because I'm terrible at acknowledging my feelings as important. I usually instead bottle them up. I try to push through stress when it comes to school. It's gotten to the point that major events or anything "triggering" causes me to just break down and i fall into a deep depression. I wish I could share this with my friend, that I'm scared of what to do next, but I feel like my emotions and problems would just be a bother since I always feel uncertain.

I guess what I'm asking is, what do I do either all of this? What should I do? And if u didn't understand anything I said I am sorry. I'm just really upset right now if anything didn't make sense feel free to ask me to elaborate

So basically u feel like no-one care about u and it's like u being left like a loner. Well this happen to me once, people always change so don't worry too much, how about find new friends the one that u can share and rely on. And about ur old friend just try to talk to her normally but just don't talk to her much and u shouldn't hang out with her. Bassed on my experience, SHE left u guys before because she thought no-one understand her even tho she told u guys. But then she wants to talk to u again because she wants a new start with u guys. But well she also have friends yeah, so if u hang out with her, she might talk to her friends and ignore u, or they will talk about something that won't interested u.
Right now how about try to stay quiet for a while (since u're a shy person) and still talk to people normally of course but just wait friends will come to u unexpected, so don't worry too much.

Hey Atlas,

First off, that really doesn't sound like a fun position to be in.

In regards to your first issue and sort of tied to your thing about your first friend: I understand how painful it seems but the two best options I can give are honesty/openness and acceptance.

We try to put up walls and guess and second-guess actions and motives whereas most of the time the answer is much more simple and safe. Being shy makes it more of a challenge but no-one finds this easy at all: find your friend, sit down and talk with them about what's happened. If it helps, practice in your room all alone what you want to say. That can help with being 'clumsy and awkward' because when you do it in real life you've already practiced the run-through. So yeah, talk with her, be open about what you feel and what you want to know.

But what about acceptance? Well, this is the hard part and it's something I'm going through right now also. Life is not a continuous film reel that starts and runs through to the end. Life is made of chapters. Some are long, some are short, but all of them end at one point or another. It's especially hard when it's with friends and you're young, I know. As I said, I'm currently experiencing this too with my own friends as life starts to pull us our separate ways.

What does this mean and why am I saying it? Well, I'm trying to explain why friends changing and moving on isn't necessarily such a bad thing. There will be more friends in your life and more good friends too. That's not to say we should dump our old friends for new friends whenever we like, but if things are coming to an end then moving on pleasantly can be the best thing. Who knows what the future will bring? "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" - Dr Seuss. You obvious had good times with your friends, enjoy those memories.

This isn't to say that it's all definitely over, I'd still advise speaking to your friend(s). But if it does look like you're all going separate ways, then take it with a bow.

In regards to the second point about your friend in Hawaii. I see what you're saying. But I think you've in a way answered your own question: you explained quite clearly how you don't acknowledge your emotions all that well and don't think they're important and don't want to share because you feel uncertain regularly and it would just be a bother if you did talk about it. Well, have you shared that with J and L (I'm not sure exactly which one got annoyed at you). They clearly want to look after you and care about you, so you should explain that. Now, that doesn't mean that you need to start sharing everything you feel with them if you don't feel comfortable, but being open about your starting position means everyone is on the same page about where to go from there.