A while back I did a post. A lot of people had helped me and I was glad I was getting better...but I need help again. Things have been going way down hill. My step dad has been yelling at me a lot and calling me worthless, lazy, self centered, someone who doesn't give a shit, and many other things. I mean this has been going on for a while but it hasn't been this bad. Recently he has dug so deep that I was crying for hours straight. My mother said nothing and didnt help me or stoo his yelling. The other day I was going to resort to cutting but I talked myself out of it. here is one thing though that I can do. And that is run away. I have a few friends homes that I can possibly stay and money I have saved up but then my step dad can shut off my bank account and find my friends houses. I also don't want him to calk the cops on me. What do I do?

Have you tried talking to your mother about it? Or what about another relative your close to? My father has said some very horrible things to me too, similar to that, and whenever I try to stand up for myself, I get yelled at for being disrespectful.
I think running away might not be the best idea, because your money wont last forever. I always told myself; I can't just leave home without a plan, no matter how upset I am here. I thought, I'll get a job and save up and move out as soon as I feel I am ready. I think it would be good to focus on whats best for yourself.

But if you really can't take it anymore, talk to someone. Are you still in school? Does your school have a councillor? You could talk to him/her or another family member, someone who wont tell your father and get you in trouble.

If he does call the police, use it to your advantage. Tell them exactly why you ran away; your father mentally abuses you and no one should have to go through that.

But you know, don't ever kill yourself over it. Please. Even if you think "Maybe now he will listen to me," thats not how you should go down. Take care of yourself, you will make it, okay?

Talk to someone, or find a way to cope until you can leave it behind and move on. :)

If you're considering self-harm, the situation is serious and needs to be treated as such. This might be a good time to go speak with an adult about it. Do you have a relative outside the household who knows what's going on? Are the counselors at your school supportive? Do you have access to a therapist?

As stated in a post a while back I can't afford therapy. The councelor at my school is knew and has no idea what she is doing and all my imediate famiky can't be contacted. I only have two friends I can talk to and they arnt always avalable.

>>4 Schools normally have several counselors. Is she training under anybody that you could speak to?

I don't think the problem is you, its your stepdad. Did you try talking him why he verbally abuse you? Maybe, he felt insecure that all the attention of your mother goes to you. If not, maybe you did something that makes you hate him. If he thinks, your lazy or worthless, show him that you're better than that. Study or do chores, when he's around, maybe that would change his opinion on you. Maybe, his jobs stresses him out, so when he finds out that he house is dirty or unorganized, he tries to lash out on you to relieve his stress. Keep the house tidy at all times. Cleaner environment helps people think better. Or try massaging his head or shoulders once in a while, maybe you aren't that close with your step dad but you have to try something.

"worthless, lazy, self centered, someone who doesn't give a shit, and many other things"

I thought the first thing to do when fixing a problem, is to see what problems you yourself have. And he told you, very obviously.

>>7 Just because someone says you are something doesn't mean you are what they say.

>>1 It depends on how the situation is. If it's like abuse and as bad as it sounds then I say bare with it and plan to eventually leave and become self sufficient. If it's really really bad, that is. But yeah, try get a job, see if you know anyone that might want to move out and rent a place. Actually, now that I think about it how old are you? Maybe it's too early for that. It will obviously take time before you would be able to leave them though, and to be honest I don't think there's much you can do until then. I guess just try not to provoke him and stay out of his way.

But the other option is to try and salvage your relationship with him. Try to talk to him when you're both calm and be more open with him and try to find a solution or compromise, or even better understand each other. It's your call which way to go about it because only you truly know what your situation is like. That's all I can say really, hope it all goes well ^^

>>9 I went that first road, and it's the worst advice you can give.

OP, you don't deserve one more second of abuse.
Get help and get out.

>>8 But you see, most of the world doesn't think they're wrong all the time, then they start feeling unhappy because people blame them. I'm not saying that he/she is what their step-father said they were, but he/she should do some self-reflection.

>>10 I take it you saw the first thread then? And are you reffering to my first or second option?

>>12 Who the fuck are you?

>>13 ?
My post was replying to >>10

transfer all of your money in ur bank account to new one or to your bank account friend that u trust, find some job that you can handle, put 911 on your speed dial, use ur phone to records when your father speak to you especially when he yelling at you, so when he do harsh things, you can take it to the court and put him in jail

the last things, don't stay too long in ur friends house cause that will annoy them, u know about privacy things especially family right? so u should think of a place to live by yourself too

>>12 Did you even read the comment? The first, and yes I've seen the other thread.

>>11 Someone who is suicidal has most likely done plenty of self-reflection. And even if you're not perfect, that's no excuse for someone in a parental position to treat you that way.

Many teens who decide to run away think they'll find a life that's free of the trouble they have at home, but they'll discover that their faced with different yet bigger problems. Runaways often end up homeless, stealing, or even selling drugs or sex in an afford to make money. Most runaways die everyday in the US majority cause they were attacked, become ill, you take their own lives. To me, I think it's best to talk to a trusted adult you know. You can always tell your mother, another relative, coach, school counselor, your family doctor, or a religious member for help. A trusted adult might be able to help you understand that there are better alternatives to running away. You're is still serious, though, make sure you have the number of the National Runaway Safeline: (800) RUNAWAY, or (800) 786-2929. This service for teens in need is open 24 hours a day, every day of the year. The safeline can help teens find food, shelter, and medical care, as well as provide counseling for homeless teens in crisis. The service will even help runaway teens contact people back home by providing a message service and setting up conference phone calls. You don't need to be a runaway to call and ask their advice: Many of the teens who contact the safeline call from home or a friend's house before running away. You don't have to take my advice/suggestion if your not comfortable with it. I just hope this'll at least help you for future references. No matter how bad things get, running away is never a safe or better solution. I wish you luck with whichever decision you decide

^ Aye the grammar I mean "or take their own lives" I cry

Be strong

To clarify a few things:

>>5 my scool counceler had changed before the school year and the new one is still in training. Since I don't know her I don't feel as if I can trust her that much.

>>9 I am 16 years old.

>>15 I can't just call the police. The thing is if CPS gets involved at all my siblings and I will be taken from my mother. She is very sick with MS and is slowly dying. I don't want her to loose us and I don't want my step-dad getting put away.

You see everyone I have been suicidal since I was 8, and I have not trusted many people. My father died when I was 6. My first step-dad had beated and molested me. My second step-dad had beaten me and called me harsh things. And now I'm on my third step-dad. He is a nice guy but he has a short temper. He would never physicly hurt me but his verbal abuse really takes a tole. As I said I almost reverted back to cutting. I have been working for months to save up money. I really just can't wait to leave. I'm glad to receive advice. I'm thankful... anything else I should consider?

>>14 Dude, this thread's OP is Sollie, not you. And >>10 was replying to OP.

>>23 You are so mentally weak, seriously. Who the fuck cuts themselves because someone is yelling at them a quarter the day? He's a shit loads better than the molester and assaulter.

>>25 Dude she's been hurt for several times, can you be a little bit sympathetic?

>>26 Pie is obviously drunk, high, or otherwise socially incompetent. Don't mind him.

Why not sitting down with your step-dad and talk about it. Talk about how you're feeling and ask him why he's thinking you're lazy etc. Perhaps he has a reason for it. Running away isn't a solution.

Stay srong and be a man

>>18 Whoops, my bad, I read it wrong.

>>23 Hmm... Okay, I have to ask now.. Would you say that you're someone with nothing to lose? Would you say that there's nothing important to you? Are you an apathetic person? I don't mean any harm so I apologise in advanced. How close are you to your friends, do you have anyone that you're truly close to? 8 years is a really long time to be suicidal so it really made me wonder what it must have been like, and why you never went through with it. Don't worry about answering if you don't want to. I'm sorry for not being able to help much, I have too messed up a perception on things to offer advice so I'll leave that to the others. I'm more curious now though. Let us know how your story plays out, and if there's anything we can do to help. Best of luck ^^

>>26 Dun feel like it right now.

>>27 socially incompetent, i don't like to drink and have no ways of getting drugs

>>31 I started th thread to get help from others and seek advice, but you have only made me feel worse as of recent. I have self-reflected many times and each time I am struck with an anxiety attack. And I'm mentally weak? I watched my birth father dir of cancer. I was molested by my first step-dad, a man who I thought I could trust, yet he did that to me and almost killed my mother. My second step-dad beat me and mentally tormented me every single day. And now my third step-dad is verbally abusing me. I have gone into panic attacks because of it! Mentally weak?! I can't even handle my self!

>>31 You calling me weak makes you no better then my step-dad because you are doing as he does. I suffer every single day! I'm watching my mother fucking die! She is sick and I can't do anything about it! And what's worse is that I may have the same disease she has! I may be weak but atleast I don't abuse people through words. I try and stay strong! Not only for myself, but for the people who love me! And all I asked of the Dollars was advice. That was it. And reading what you have said not only upset me, but made me realize that I am probobly the most foolish person ever. Asking you for advice? Only to be knocked back down? Thank you. Your to kind.

>>ALL Thank you for your advice. Though I have had received some help it has come to my attention that my want for help may have been pointless. I can't call the police. CPS could get involved and take me and my siblings away. I don't want my mother to lose her children. I can't confront him because it would only resort in us arguing and a panic attack on my part. I am suicidal and nothing can change that. I only have two people I can really talk to but I can't ever get a chance to. And I don't even know what I want anymore. If you have any other advice please tell me.

Sollie you're on the internet, you're going to run into all kinds of people with differing opinions, some obviously more helpful than others. You should ignore the ones that aren't useful, don't mind them.

Moving on, Sollie, there's always a way. Start observing him, why does he yell at you, is there a particular trigger? There's always a cause, if you can't prevent it try to mitigate it.

It's rather vague and general advice but never-the-less it's something to work at. Even trying to do something is better than throwing yours hands in the air and giving up. You've seen darker days, and pushed through so you've already proven to yourself you can make it. Now is not the time to give up.

>>33 At least your reflecting on your problems now, fix em. How's being strong gonna help others?

Also, first paragraph of >>33, last line "too"

>>33 Talk like this to your Dad *thumbs up* Will not fix your problem, 100% guarantee

>>36 God, please grant me the power to punch people through the internet

Sollie, running away is definitely not the right way to go. If anything, it'll cause you more trouble. I haven't experienced the same things as you have, but my past hasn't been the best in the world either, and I've been through depression as well, so I can understand your position, at least a little bit.
Something on a smaller scale that worked for me was keeping a journal, whether it's on paper or on your computer. Writing about it can be just as therapeutic as talking to someone about it. Start a page on Microsoft Word or something, and start typing. Don't think; just type. You might even be able to find something you subconsciously knew all along but never realized until it comes out on paper. That's what happened with me, and it made all the difference.

In terms of communicating with your stepdad, maybe try writing a letter or email to him. You won't have to be face to face, you'll be able to communicate your thoughts and emotions more calmly and clearly, and it'll give him some time to think about it.

If you need anything, I'm an email away
maki@dollars-bbs.email

ps: ignore the trolls and don't take anything they say to heart. Most likely they've never been through a tough spot and have no idea how to be empathetic.
And if that's not the case, well, humans will be humans.

I sent my step-dad:a long message explaining how he has been making me feel and how his words and actions effect me. After I had sent it to him I messaged him not to come into my room because I wanted to be alone. I had layed down to go toi sleep. A little while later he comes in. I pretended to be asleep and he left. Now I'm alone in my room not wanting to leave it just incase I see him. I don't want to cry anymore to day.

...what so I do now?

>>37 What did I say wrong?

>>38 Very nice of you, being a human yourself.

>>39 Never think of sleeping?

running isn't the answer hun but there are people that u may contact like DCFS, crisis, ect... but running away will only give u a criminal record as a runaway and u don't want that, TRUST ME! find someone older that u trust and explain whats going on, I wish lots of luck to you !!

>>39. You said he came into your room and then left probably thinking you were asleep. Think of it this way, when he entered, did he enter quietly? Did he try to wake you up? Did he leave the same way? To me, that sounds like a parent trying to check up on their child(even though he is a step-father). I don't think he would try to be quiet in your room if he was upset(angry) about your message. Your message might have pointed out a couple things too him. No good parent wants to be a bad parent. You said that your mother is dieing(I pray for a better outcome, or at least future happiness for you and your's), so the stress(and sadness) from that and possibly raising kids alone could be taking its toll on him. Stress can make people do awful things and then later regret it. I know you might not like this answer,but talking would be helpful in your situation. You both feel sad and stressful, so a way to comfurt each other could work out. Please try it, because , to me, it would be better than staying silent and slowly getting worse. But it's your dicision, do what you feel could help. Hope everything gets better, and don't lose hope.

We talked...well it wasn't really a talk... He spent an hour lecturing me. Oh well.

>>40 I did sleep. I had to stay in my room all day what else was I suppose to do?

>>41 you see some of the older people I trust work closely with cps and that would be a problem later on

>>42 thanks for your help.

>>43 Sleep solves the problem of how to waste time or ignore the problem

Your welcome. I wish I could do more or had more advice. Hope everything turns out alright for you, good luck. Never give up.

talk to an adult. i know that that sounds weird but that was the only way i was placed into a foster family. i was raped by my father and he used to yell at me a lot as well and my mother was an foreigner and my father did not allow me to learn her language so i could not speak to her. i could never tell her what truly was going on, and i did not want to talk to my father. i can just imagine how lonely you most feel at home :( but guess what i did? i went to my school teacher and asked "is it normal that my daddy looks at other girls?" (yes i was young like 7) and she got really worried and asked more about my life at home. i spoke freely and i did not know what was wrong and what was right but i was pretty sure that my father had some issues at least. anyway, it turned out that i was picked up at school and entered a new car.
my foster family´s car. it was a code red case and that is why they picked me up so suddenly, because they did not want my drunk father to get violent to. i know how you feel. that is why i want to tell you that it´s okay to ask for help sometimes. and and you don´t have to feel ashamed for it or anything! it´s nothing like that at all. asking for help means that you trust them and it is an adults responsibility to take care of their children. and if your family can't take care of you. then somebody else should. just look at me, i moved into a foster family when i was 9 and I'm 17 now. it has been a looming journey but is was sure worth it! because i am not yelled at. i am not scared to get into a fight. i can tell that you are smart enough to do this. i mean, you are already planning to buy a house :) so if anything new happens. let us know okay?

you guys disgust me, did you know that 99.8% of all rape victims loose their sense of self-value and are most likely to cut or commit suicide? no? well then you most be an idiot then, oops! did i actually write that? i really need to be more careful with letting my feelings come out.. I'm not sorry

What

The

Fuck

>>_47 um what?

First of F' him. Even if you are a little lazy he has no right to go off on you like that. I know from personal experience of being called less than shit for hours on end with beatings. The words took more of a toll than the physical damage.

I tried running away in 5th grade and it didn't work out so well, since I was still a kid. I always kept it in the back of my mind and reserved a place in my mind as just in case. I couldn't go to my friends since they would find me quite fast.

Money would be the main issue if you want to stay away, for I know people who ran away and stayed away. They ended up somehow supporting themselves.

You can ride it out till you know you can support yourself too, which will make life a little easier down the road. Mainly when you know you can get a job.

I tried to avoid my dad any way I could and I got really good at it too. Of course I couldn't always avoid him when we live under the same roof.

That's called child abuse, and is illegal, so you can threaten him with the cops. Also try to record him doing this as evidence.

um, where did our "we will help you" spirit go to? i mean >>47 probably ment that to all the haters :/ so why can´t we at least try to help Sollie a bit? i think personally that you should talk to a teacher about this. they will listen cuz its their responsibility. but you can feel free to choose the most reasonable one and it would not be a bad idea if you find out that one of the teachers are involved with politics linking to family issues. or just a teacher that has been a therapist one or just have contacts if you now what i mean. you can´t just sit here and be quiet about this because that won't change anything. so please. don´t just do this for your mothers and siblings sake, do this for yourself as well.

Same. I got really really good at avoiding my family. I'd come home from school and go immediately to my room. My family always had a habit of trying to pick fights with me even though all I wanted was to be alone. I learned not to speak to them or to cut conversations short if they tried starting one. If they came into my room asking questions, I would acknowledge them but give one word answers and play it cool so they wouldn't ask if anything was wrong. They'd get bored and finally leave. I know when they try to pick fights with you, you really want to say something back to defend yourself. Do not do that. You cannot reason with people like this. Just swallow what they said and try to not be home as much as possible.

>>43
Has your situation improved since then?

Call the child abuse department, get them to help, if that dont work, just run.

If you think you can manage to keep yourself in one piece and not suffer, I think there is no reason not to run away. Just think about the consequences, which you probably already have, and if you think the consequences aren't that much compared to what you're dealing with, run.