Lately I've been feeling really lost... Everything feels distant, fake even. Every time I try to laugh, smile, yell, etc feels fake. Everything feels and act likes a dream. And with my terrible memory, I'm confusing my actual dreams with life. I've never actually get angry, I just keep quiet. And I become down easily. Another thing is that every time I do something "successful", someone HAS to point out a flaw, even if it doesn't involve the topic! For example, (This happened many times), I'm eating dinner with my family, and then let's say my step dad said, "Good job getting C+ on the history test," I'll say thank you and then someone else has to add in, "Well you should be studying more for other test." But this happens consistently with everything I do, and I mean everything. I cleaned up my room and did the laundry, then someone says, "Your room wouldn't always be a mess if you keep it clean." Well, no duh, I understand that, sorry for not being organized, I'm not perfect. Same goes with my grades. Okay, I'm a seriously struggling student, I have ADD(Attention Deficit Disorder), so it's hard for me to focus and do homework. I haven't gotten a A+/%100 in so long, but then my parents compare me to my honor student friends, and my parents constantly say, "You could do better," or, "This wouldn't have happen if you studied more." They say that even when I get at least an A/90. People keep saying things like that and disowning me, every time I actually accomplish something... Honestly I don't know anymore. It's kind of funny actually, people who know me think I'm "Oh, so happy!" and that I have a normal life. Yeah, my family is nice to me when they aren't nailing me for whatever I apparently done wrong. I'm average looking- Average in everything I do. It's also weird, no matter what I do, I'm not perfect in, but not completely a failure. I have good friends and family, passing grades(Barely..), decent in sports, and everything I could possibly want. I'm kind of a boring person, but I'm always helping other people who need relationship advice(Funny, cause I really dislike drama). One of my old friends was going through a small phase where something went completely wrong(It wasn't as bad as one would think), she came for me to help not even knowing my situation. She admitted that she was going to start cutting. What I said was maybe harsh, but helpful was: "Self-harm isn't always the way to go, but if it stops the mental pain, than go ahead do what you want. It's better to feel something rather then suffering in silence. I'll do my best to help you through what your going through though. Guess what I also attempted to self-harm, but I never brought myself to it..." I couldn't really, I still think about it, I even "accidently" scratch up against something, and cause myself to bleed. I'm also always lost in thought, escaping reality, and daydream instead. But even my daydreams are dark now. What am I supposed to do... I'm a average in everything I do, pretty much always being told I'm a failure, I lie a lot, I'm a bit merciless, everything seems fake,and idk, I'm just dying inside. I'm scared of the future. I'm always watching time and feel uneasy on how life goes by fast. Every day I wake feeling like I'm a different person, and it's noticeable to, my expressions change, what I want to do with my life (Ex: One day I'll want to be an artist, next day a writer, then next day a programmer...) and since I'm half decent at everything people keep saying that I'm an amazing whatever, but for some reason, I can't progress in anything I do, like really, I can't.. I feel like something prevents me from actually becoming good at something. This is a long post, but if someone has a solution to this please help me or criticize me? The Dollars always seem to be here for everyone, so thank you! And I'm sorry if I took up your time with this, I'm sure it's going to seem confusing. I'm a girl going into High School as a freshman, if this info helps at all... :) (I probably left out somethings, because I forgot about it... Yeah. Lol

I can relate. Similar situation. But there'll come a time when things get easier, just hang in there. Some of the people who give you a hard time actually care and only want you to encourage you to be better, at least how they see you better. That's all. Life is an annoying thing to deal with as you get older, you gotta be able to balance your rights and responsibilities. They only want to make sure you can. Cus some people don't give a shit whether u sink or swim.

You can always try a vice lol anything works. . . anime, games, dollars. . .life doesn't have to be frustrating all the time.

You don't have to excel at everything you do, in fact in highschool unless you plan on going to Harvard or something you don't need to be particularly fantastic at anything. Take it from a high school senior who tried way too hard her freshman year, just go along for the ride it doesn't matter if you're keeping a B-C average as long as your teachers know that you're at least trying. As for being compared to your friends I know the feeling, parents like to pull that shit with you to get you to try harder. It makes you feel like shit and most of the time it doesn't do anything but make you feel bad about yourself, but there's no way to stop them. :/

It's OKAY if you're lost about what to do with yourself because that's what your time in highschool is for. High School is just a series of monotonous hoops to jump through and the best way to make use of this time is to find out what YOU are interested in. If you find something you really like you'll get good at it. Don't be afraid to join a shitload of clubs and then quit them all the next week if they bore you!

Personal story of mine about figuring out what to do with life, Up till sophomore year i wanted to be an Anesthesiologist (highest paying doctor a person can be.) I woke up one morning and thought 'What the hell is wrong with me?' and I didn't know what I wanted to do but I sure as hell didn't want to be a doctor. Point is it's fine changing your mind every other day, in fact if you didn't you might end up regretting not thinking about other professions in the long run. You don't actually have to make a decision about what you want to do till your second year of college if you go in undecided.
Really the future is a terrifying notion even I get scared thinking about it and anyone your age who says they're not afraid of it are either lying to you or lying to themselves.

I'm a few years out of high school and I still have no clue what I want to do with my life. So, I'll tell you something a friend taught me: there is always another exit on the highway.

She was talking literally at the time. I had just learned to drive and we were on a trip to the store. I missed my exit and was freaking the Hell out because I was terrified that we would get lost or highjacked or die or something. She laughed at me so hard...The brat. >.> But the point is that all I had to do was take the next exit and turn around. All of the stressing I did was for nothing because eventually we got there and we were no worse for wear...And I'm not gonna lie that happened a few times before I mellowed out, but I learned from my mistakes.

The point of the metaphor is that stressing over what could happen or what's beyond your control is just going to make you tired. You're going to make mistakes. Big ones, small ones, whatever. But worrying over them isn't going to help you. Just take a deep breath and focus on what needs to be done now. You're in high school, so I'd just say to focus on doing your best in class. You're parents are probably just trying to motivate you in their own way. If you have problems and actually do want help with grades, friends, careers, ask like you're doing now. You've got the whole world aka the internet to teach you...Just check your sources and don't feed the trolls.

Also, if you want to do something, now is the time to do it. If you wanna draw, draw. If you wanna code, code. (We need more female programmers <3) Honestly, high school is the time to find out what interests you and what you're good at. But don't hurt yourself, because it sounds like people care about you and I don't like it when people I care about get hurt. It might be hard to believe but, if your parents are on your case about keeping things clean and keeping your grades up, it's probably because they want you to grow up to be successful. They wish that they had gotten into the habit of being more cleanly earlier in life, so it wasn't so hard for them as adults. Plus, F-ing spiders like to hide in clutter. Fuck spiders. //shivers// They also probably wish they had done better in school, so they want you to. They want you to succeed in everything they didn't. At least, that's most parents. I obviously don't know specifics.

Regardless, we(Otoshigami, Ash Ketchum II, IdiotTester, Me, The Dollars) want you to be successful. And you will. In your own time. In the meantime, don't stress over what you don't control, enjoy anime, and learn what you like to do because that's how you'll find yourself. You do you and the rest will fall into place.

...And you thought you had a long post...Ugh. xP

-A busybody with anxiety issues <3

P.S. Watch Noragami and Ouran High School Host Club because they're awesome and they always cheer me up. Okay done. //flees like a thief from Shizuo//