I can't seem to get over my abandonment issues.
It's causing me problems in all areas of my life.
How do you properly fix a broken childhood in adulthood?
I'm breaking down.
I'm getting angry.
I'm about to snap. I don't want to snap.
When people ignore me.....
It feels the same....
It brings me back to when my mother left me.....
When my grandmother wouldn't touch me.....
When adults and children isolated from me.....
They called me a monster.....
because I could never control my frustration.
I know I've misbehaved......
How could you walk out on me?
Why can't we work things out?
It would be so much easier.
Just what the fuck am I suppose to do?
Not this everyday.
It's really simple.
Help me...by wanting to stay with me.


I don't understand...why this?
Why here.... this whole situation
Just sucks...
I want to leave. But I can't force myself.

Why do I have to be a big shot humanitarian to get some love?
Why do I have to be an ass hole for attention. I don't want to.
Why do I have TO bust my ass off taking pictures and writing poetry just to exist in your eyes.
Why do I have to play in band just to exist in your eyes.
Why do I have to go to random strangers who don't give a fuck about me?
Why do I have to climb stupid fucking crane and risk my life balancing off of it.
Why! Why! Why!
Why do I have to live in this cruel world? Why can't I die!
Why can't I give up?

Why do you have to be so mean?
What's your story?
Where are you coming from?
Talking...I'm trying...why can't you?

yea i know man just get a sixpack and show in public then they will come sixpack are NOT MAINSTREAM YET so use this for your attention, you need to be something special thats it

for your advantage*

I actually have one. It doesn't work that way.
People don't start liking you just cause you have an awesome physique.

I think being abandoned in some ways has made me a better person.

No one likes me here. But on the oust side a lot of people do.
I just I don't get to see those people everyday. Only on the weekends really. Typical Bachelor's loneliness.
It's the time that matters in any relationship.
I just spend too much time here. Everyday.

If the cause of your frustration is your environment, then start anew. As you said, people outside treat you better, make a new start somewhere else. If you're not ready to leave the nest, stay strong and wait for the future. That's why you've not given up yet, you still have hope.
I think that people who have experienced many downs in their life are usually more considerate and know much more about the little things which can cause immense problems, ignoring someone for example.
You seek attention, that's natural, but you can't expect people to pay you much heed unless you mean a lot to them or achieve something great. The latter is hard, the first one, however, only requires some luck to find the right people. Keep fighting, show the world how it's done instead of being done in!

So you are a bachelor?

Building a physique will improve self esteem, and I can say that it will make you feel better. And when you feel better, people will want to talk to you. Sounds a bit weird, isn't it?
Last summer I was struggling with someone who played emotional and mental games with me. So I started running. That made me stronger and powerful.

Bachelor years for me were lonely (I graduated this year). But because of choice. I did so many several things at once. It was insane! But I am happy and stronger now. I did the things others wouldn't do so now I can do things others can't do.

Try to occupy most of your time, and leave only a little bit of free time in your schedule. Go volunteer, play with children, study something interesting and new. Go out and seek for people. Change yourself. That way people will want to be friends with you. You will be someone great.

Be thankful for everything you have, and be thankful for the things that you don't have anymore.

You are not a monster! I know how it is like to be called something like that, but ignore them. I have seen REAL monsters, and I can assure you, you don't look, act or talk like one.

This is going to sound weird, but be sassy. I suppose you are a shy person. Are you excited when you impersonate something? How about you impersonate someone strong and happy? That worked for me to break out from my shy shell. Talk to yourself in the mirror while smiling and say nice things about yourself.
Everytime you look in the mirror smile to yourself and say
"I am the best! I can do it!"
"You will never see a pair of eyes as beautiful as mine!"
"What a handsome smile!"

If you don't love yourself, how do you expect others to do so? There will probably be a few who will love you either way, but you have to start this.

Let me give you a poem I made up on the spot.

The fustration hurts
It kills your insides
You feel like everyone
Makes these divides
But you're not alone
There are people like you
Who hate everything
That think of you
So know you are loved
even if I don't know you
There's a better world here
we're just waiting to show you

Thanks for joining the dollars <3